Clothing

Shocked Trump Swinsuit

$45 Beloved »

Ever thought the beach was missing a bit of... politics? Well, fear no more! The Donald Trump Swimsuit is here to fill that void. Imagine this: a one-piece swimsuit emblazoned with the larger-than-life, zoomed-in face...

Relwen Moleskin Twill Insulated Shirtjacket

$268 Relwen »

I'm not sure I'd pay over $250 for a jacket, and I definitely wouldn't pay over $250 for a shirt, but a Relwen Moleskin Twill Insulated Shirtjacket? A twofer?! ... I'll mull it over...

Sockdoms Scented Condom Socks

$18.99 Firebox.com »

No, Sockdoms Scented Condom Socks were not designed for hygienically diddling someone with your foot like Lorals Latex Panties were designed for oral sex. Though I suppose you could wear a pair of Sockdoms if foot-diddling...

Printed Body Flowers Swimsuit

$370 FWRD »

The Printed Body Flowers Swimsuit doesn't provide quite the same caliber of beach-ready optical illusion as the Sexy Chest Swimsuit, but at least this Jean Paul Gaultier design is more likely to make you drool than gag...

Clutch Gas Socks

$9.99 Amazon »

Boostnatics' Clutch Gas Socks were obviously made for gearheads, and would indeed be a fine gift for car enthusiasts. But so too would they be an excellent gift for teens learning to drive a stick shift. Speaking from...

Seinfeld x Percival Clothing Collection

$67 - $385 Percival »

Puffy shirt not included. The Seinfeld x Percival limited edition clothing collection takes its (sable Russian) hat off to the sitcom, and the 25th anniversary of the final Seinfeld episode's airing...

Pamela Anderson x Frankies Bikinis Collection

$80 - $195 Frankies Bikinis »

The Pamela Anderson x Frankies Bikinis Collection drops at noon ET on May 4, 2023, and all I've got to say about this collaboration between the smokin' hot 55-year-old Baywatch star and the smokin' hot swimsuit brand...

Keiri Belt Bra

$230 Are You Ami »

The Keiri Bra, a bra that looks like a belt, right down to the way it "cinches" ladies' bust lines by squishing, squashing, and smashing their boobies flat. Now, I get why ladies might want support and containment in...

Denim Bikinis

Sold Out Amazon »

You might look at these Denim Bikinis and think, "Hot." I, however, look at these Denim Bikinis and think, "Don't forget the Redneck Boot Sandals, ladies!" Don't get me wrong, I too find them...well, some of them...reasonably...

Lacoste Netflix Polo Shirt Collection

$120 Netflix »

The Lacoste Crocodile has gotten a makeover. Eight of them, actually, courtesy of Netflix and its series Stranger Things, The Witcher, Bridgerton, Shadow & Bone, Sex Education, Lupin, Money Heist, and Elite...

Loewe Pixelated Clothing

$590 - $3,400 Loewe »

No, not Lowe's. Unfortunately, because then the Pixelated Clothing collection might be reasonably priced and rugged enough to hang drywall in. But this is Loewe, Spanish luxury fashion house, and designers of 8bit denim...

Denim Thong Underwear

$34 Etsy »

I particularly like that the Denim Thong Underwear have the words, "Do what you love" printed on the right side of their wearer's crotch. Inspiration, and motivation, for ladies who might wonder if they should be having...

The PACK Legging - Yoga Pants for Dog Moms

Not only are The Gentle Pit's PACK Leggings a terRUFFic redesign of yoga pants to better suit dog moms, but The Gentle Pit itself is a company full of empawthy and good-dog deeds. Let's start with the latter...

Swoveralls Swovie Shorts

Sold Out Amazon »

As summer approaches, it's time to start thinking about putting away the sweatpants, putting away the overalls, and, awww, putting away the Swoveralls. But cry not, my dudes and ladies, because as the cold weather and...

Fleece Bunny Hoodie

$26.99 Amazon »

Now that Valentine's Day is finally over, we can move on to Easter, my favorite holiday of the year. Haha, sike. Easter is dumb too. ... Unless you plan to give me an adults-only Easter basket, in which case, I'll honor...

Cousins Explained T-Shirt

$21.37 - $25.65 Etsy »

This Cousins Explained T-Shirt is most illuminating for those of us who have always wondered or struggled to keep track of how our relations are related to us. Although, after reading through the tree of lineage, and...

Interactive Glow in The Dark T-Shirt

Discontinued

The Interactive Glow in The Dark T-Shirt from Illuminated Apparel will have its wearers beaming. A great gift for kids and teens (and also probably people on mushrooms, ye who live in psilocybin-legal states) the DIY...

Dinosaur Sherpa Coat

$89.95 Amazon »

Aelfric Eden calls their Dinosaur Sherpa Coat a "women's" zip-up, and would probably tout it as a gift for a teen girl, but...come on hip young adult street clothing brand! A 40-something dude could rock it too, right?...

UnHide Shleepy Faux Fur Wearable Blanket

$79 - $109 Amazon »

UnHide, you had me at "Shleepy." The perfect mush-mouth word not only for a faux fur wearable blanket, but to describe my general state of being, and what I say I am before telling my wife I want to shnuggle...

Feejays Adult Footie Sweatpants

$29.98 - $49.98 Amazon »

Guess who just added some Feejays Adult Footie Sweatpants to his Amazon cart. That's right. This dude. Feejays are sweatpants with built-in fleece-lined socks. The first of many reasons this is awesome is that they're...

Blamo Adult Animal Onesies

$241 - $252 Blamo »

We've seen some silly adult onesies, some sexy adult rompers, and even some wicked adult animal suits in the past, but I can't say we've seen adult onesies like Blamo's before. Adult onesies with animal themes that are...

Assless Yoga Pants

In a bad situation, I think I'd say the same thing about seeing Assless Yoga Pants as I would about seeing Superman: Here they come to save the daaaaay!...

Stand to Pee Ladies' Boy Shorts Underwear

$25 TomboyX »

TomboyX stays true to their brand name with ladies' boy shorts in simple black, and even truer to their brand name with ladies' boy shorts designed with a front-to-back lapped crotch opening so the ladies who wear them...

Medusa Bodysuit

$98 Amazon »

Snakes and temptation always seem to go hand-in-hand, and this Medusa Bodysuit is no exception. Sssexy, sssee-through, and ssslithering with ssserpents that maybe will, maybe won't cover up a lady's naughty bitsss, the...