Clothing

William Murray The Rough Life Water Hazard Shorts

Yes, that William Murray. And yes, that William Murray's The Life Aquatic Deep Search submarine and character, Steve Zissou. These Rough Life Water Hazard Shorts are part of William Murray Golf's Spring 2021 clothing...

Custom Zip Face Swimsuit

$22.51 Etsy »

Some ladies have to get pregnant to pop out a baby, but those of you who love your boyfriends or husbands enough to wear their faces plastered across your bellies have only to buy one of these Custom Zip Face Swimsuits...

POC Shell Coat

$349.95 Amazon »

POC's Shell Coat, a piece of outerwear made for the ski slopes and fun days of shoveling snow, reminds me we have entered the tricky part of winter. The part where spring is, like, right there, and even officially here...

Victorian Corset Tank Top

$32 Etsy »

Wearing a corset is the easy kind of cinch without the suck-it-in kind of cinch if you're wearing a Victorian Corset Tank Top from Fox Savant. The tank has a hand-drawn depiction of the sexy shaper on both the front and...

Needs Head T-Shirt

$19.99 - $22.39 Etsy »

The Needs Head T-Shirt is a...gag gift! I feel like I should just stop there. What more needs to be said about this delightful piece of innuendo apparel and its endless accompanying jokes and puns? Get one as a gift for...

Vollebak 100 Year Sweatpants

$495 Vollebak »

100 years. Yep. That's about how long I feel like I've been wearing nothing but sweatpants. And not only does Vollebak feel the need to remind me of that, they also feel the need to create the 100 Year Sweatpants, a single...

Heat Holders Slipper Socks

$17.99 - $22.99 Amazon »

Heat Holders are hands down...feet down...the warmest socks I've ever worn. Sometimes they're even too warm and I break out in the feet sweats. I wish they had a photo of what the inside looks like because from the outside...

Popeyes Beignet Camo Hoodie

$35 Popeyes »

Watch out Desert, Digital, and Woodland, Popeyes is bringing Beignet Camo to the world of military fatigues. OK, maybe more like the world of fashion fatigues. OK, fine. The world of slouchy slacker hoodies. The Popeyes...

Charmeuse Kimono Robe

$110 Amazon »

I love everything about these watercolor-effect charmeuse Kimono Robes as a wrapped up purdy gift for my wife, except the word charmeuse. Shar-moose, is that how you say it? That is ugly, and my mouth does not like the...

Stove Top Stuffing Dinner Jacket

$30 Stove Top »

What is a Stove Top Stuffing Dinner Jacket made of? An interior lining of minced chicken, soaked and crisped bread crumbs, and savory caramelized onions. The outside, in a surprise appearance, and an affront to people...

Reindeer on the Spit Ugly Christmas Sweater

$20.50 Amazon »

Wonder what happened to create this ugly Christmas sweater. Is Santa spit roasting a reindeer because his sleigh crashed a week ago and no one has responded to his SOS calls, or because he's just hungry and Mrs. Claus...

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Mankini

$14.99 Amazon »

Rudolph Mankini, reporting for sleigh-driving, eye-popping, nut-hugging duty! Christmas suit meets birthday suit in this jolly, Borat-approved (and sexy-time-ready!) men's thong. Ownership of the Rudolph Mankini means...

Alpha Industries Apollo MA-1 Flight Jacket

$200 Amazon »

One good way to let everyone know you were a NASA Apollo program astronaut is to wear an Alpha Industries Apollo MA-1 Flight Jacket. And if you weren't a NASA Apollo program astronaut? Well. Look at all the dudes who...

SafeTee - T-Shirt with Built-In Face Mask

$25 - $35 SafeTee »

The SafeTee is a T-Shirt with a built-in face mask that uses the comfort of a 100-year mainstay to help escort men, women, and especially kiddos heading to school into our New Normal...

Modernist x Gravity Weighted Robe

$130 Gravity »

The outlook for my WFH winter just got a whole lot heavier. This Weighted Robe, a collaboration between Modernist and Gravity, brings the anxiety-easing, stress-relieving, deep touch pressure stimulation of the weighted...

Pizza Pocket Hoodie

Sold Out Amazon »

The Pizza Pocket Hoodie is a sweatshirt with a piece o' pie chest pouch designed to hold actual slices of pizza. In other words, whooo needs a gift for a stoner?...

Quikflip 2-in-1 Reversible Backpack Hoodie

$54.95 Amazon »

The Quikflip reversible backpack hoodie evolution began, according to creator Rener Gracie, because "As a third generation jiu-jitsu master and a lifelong athlete, I became increasingly frustrated with the lack of ways...

Screenshot Men's Hip Hop Track Pants

$22.99 - $26.99 Amazon »

I don't like every pattern and color combo of Screenshot's Men's Hip Hop Track Pants, but I do like some of them, and I especially like the idea of a bunch of dudes wearing all 30-odd styles of them in a room together...

D*ckhead Shirt

$19.99 - $21.99 Amazon »

Is there any way to sneak a D*ckhead Shirt onto someone's body without them noticing? Yeah, but what if they're not a deep sleeper or blacked out drunk? What if they're, say, a wide-awake, and surprisingly spry, 68-year-old...

Bigfoot Hoodies & Shirts

$31.99 - $59.99 AlohaZing »

No Bigfoot were harmed...or spotted...in the making of this line of all-over printed Bigfoot hoodies and shirts. The 3D appearance of the hairy, nippley fashion is also an optical illusion - Aloha Zing says the sustainable...

Burton Mine77 Weatherley Board Shorts

$69.77 Burton »

Burton's essence might be frigid temps, high elevations, and snowboards, but that doesn't mean the outdoor brand doesn't like them a hot summer day at sea level, and splashing around in the perfect board shorts every...

Corgi Butt Leggings

$54.07 Etsy »

Why you gotta taunt me, Corgi Butt Leggings? Like I don't want to pet, pat, and smack my wife's ass often enough as it is. Especially now that we're sheltering up in place, so it's within about 50' of me 24/7. Adding...

Like a Good Neighbor Social Distancing T-Shirt

$15.95 Amazon »

Like a good neighbor, stay over there. You can get it as a social distancing T-shirt. A social distancing coffee mug. A social distancing doormat. And that's not all, because it's official: the COVID-19 merch is here!...

Your Girl Hugging Your Crotch Boxer Briefs

$18.99 Amazon »

Not much to add to these boxer briefs. Oh, except for a picture of your girl - girlfriend, wife, crush, black-hearted ex Karen - strategically placed at the crotchal region so as to look like she's hugging your cock...