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Rocky Balboa American Flag Boxing Shorts

By: on July 04, 2013
$17.95
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Nothing says, "Happy Birthday, USA!" like a form-fitting pair of stars 'n' stripes shorts and an American boxing the shit out of a Russian in his own country. These officially licensed Balboa shorts hit--powerfully jab, really--the free market from the film Rocky IV's final fight scene, during which our nation's favorite underdog, hero, and man of questionable intelligence comes to blows with Ivan Drago to avenge the death of his friend Apollo Creed. It's OK if you just wear them to sleep in or use as a prop to make jokes about "raising the flag" though.

Enjoy your 4th of July. Be safe and don't tie firecrackers to the legs of friends who pass out drunk. Or at least if you do keep a throwable fire extinguisher nearby and don't say that I gave you the idea.

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Quiet Punch Doorway Boxing Bag

$119 - $125.99 from Quiet Punch »

Quiet Punch, a square of spring-mounted heavy bag that installs in a doorway, was designed for fighters looking to train outside the gym. But now that the punch buddy is available for pre-order, I think it might set up...

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EQUUS BASS770 - New American Muscle Car

$250k - $290k from EQUUS Automotive »

Designed and manufactured in the USA. That's the battle cry of the 2014 EQUUS BASS770, a contemporary nod to American muscle cars of the 60s and 70s. It's also probably the reason for its starting price tag of $250 grand....

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Conor McGregor F*ck You Pinstripe Suit

$6,500 from David August »

I don't know how long the rest of the world will remember the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather fight after it's over, but anyone who drops $6,500 on a David August Fuck You pinstripe suit like the one McGregor wore...

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Confederate P51 Combat Fighter

$113,900 - $119,500 from Confederate Motorcycles »

Confederate has been releasing Combat motorcycles regularly since 1999; just during my short tenure in these parts we've seen the formidable X132 Hellcat Combat and its follow-up, the equally vicious X132 Hellcat Speedster....

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Jean Shorts Underwear

Nothing I could say would contribute any more to your perception of these jean shorts underwear than the pictured model with the girly figure and manly package. From that you can take away: 1) They're denim boxer briefs...

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King of the Ring Fitness Arcade Game

Nexersys calls their King of the Ring arcade game a "virtual fighting ring" but one look at all those full-contact pads and the surrounding cage and I am 95% sure that I would sustain non-virtual injuries while using...

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Presidential Knife Fight: The Game

Let me just address 2 points about Presidential Knife Fight: The Game up front. 1) It's a card game, not some Mortal Kombat-Pokemon Go hybrid that lets you find and collect past American Presidents to duke it out with...

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Patriots Being Badass Prints

$25 from Etsy »

These patriots heard the battle cry of Team America, and hollered back an even louder Fuck Yeah! From Paul Revere's Midnight Ride on a Tron Light Cycle to Abe Lincoln wielding an M16 and giddy-upping on a grizzly bear...

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Olivers All Over Short

The Olivers All Over Short is like your favorite buddy to hang with: up for anything; ready to go; and all in. These performance trunks stretch 4 ways, and have called in for bar tack reinforcements at stress points...

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Stash Waterproof Pocket Shorts

Discontinued

Sometimes people do stupid shit, such as get extremely drunk and ornery on the 4th of July and refuse to respond to reason and jump off the deck of a Carver 54 motor yacht...twice...without taking their brand new iPhones...

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Blasts, Blazes & Haze: Top 10 Toys for the 4th of July

I'll keep it simple, America: Can I get an F Yeah?! Here are my picks for the Top 10 toys* to shoot, blow, or light up this 4th of July. (Note: All items' prices are listed as they were at printing. Prices are subject...

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Erik Buell Racing 1190RX Sportbike

$18,995 from Erik Buell Racing »

And I thought cheese curds and Heather Graham were the best things ever to come out of Wisconsin. From the humble city limits of East Troy, Erik Buell is releasing his first big production motorcycle under the Erik Buell...