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Lace Skull & Crossbones Pants

By: on December 02, 2012
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Plea to All Women: I implore you to buy these pants. And wear them in my presence. White, lace, skulls. They're the trifecta of my fantasies. Throw in flowing, partially see-through, and looking to be very soft, and I might go into catatonic shock at first sight. In which case everyone would win. My last vision on this earth would be a pair of hot crocheted skull & crossbones pants, and you would get to wear them without actually interacting with me.

Or better, they should name Talking Heads pants the new uniform for all Victoria's Secret employees. Even though they're made by someone called Letarte, not Victoria. Man, if all of those ladies swooped in and out of their bra racks wearing swishy pairs of skulls & crossbones, I would frequent that store and buy lingerie for the girlfriend I don't have at least 5 times a week. Hell, if Walgreens employees had to wear them, I would even go in there 5 times a week to buy feminine products for the girlfriend I don't have. Oh wait...I guess if it's Walgreens I could just buy, like, batteries and gum and stuff.

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Saint Unbreakable Motorcycle Jeans

$175 - $360 from Saint »

When Saint calls their motorcycle jeans "unbreakable," they mean it without jest or hyperbole. And they're willing to put their body weight, their belt grinder, their X-acto knife, and their brute force where their mouth...

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Eletrunks "Lifter" Underwear

$28 from Eletrunks »

Though the above video is slightly NSFW, Eletrunks are not a dirty or obscene pair of underwear. At all. The company's demo of their functional, comfort-enhancing, package-adjusting Lifter cord just makes it look like...

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Cute Ass Animals Underwear

$35 - $56 from Etsy »

Etsy vendor Nichola's Knickerockers, underwear with adorable animal faces strategically sewn across one of my favorite places on earth, are pricey. But to all ladies who often get mistaken for Victoria's Secret models...

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Fundies: Underwear Built for Two

$7.99 from Amazon »

According to every woman's favorite book, The Five Love Languages, physical touch is the predominant type of love males enjoy receiving, while quality time earns high marks with the ladies. Fundies, a chic pair of tandem...

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Shreddies Fart-Filtering Underwear

$38 - $70 from Shreddies »

Leave it to the Brits to class up farts and poots. And also to create a solution that spares those who didn't just drop a silent stink bomb from inhaling the fumes released by the one who did. Shreddies is a line of men's...

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Romance Pants

Team Instructables, evil geniuses o' Romance Pants, I bow down to your ingenuity and hilarity. The legit player's ultimate accessory, Romance Pants dim a room's lighting and raise its stereo volume when their zip fly...

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The Ball Lifter (NSFW)

$17 - $22.95 from Amazon »

I know what you're thinking: is that a push-up bra...for my balls? The answer is yes. The Ball Lifter was designed to lift and embellish your package without pumps, pills, or other male member enhancement quackery. It's...

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Latex Bat Underwear

$80 from Etsy »

Warning: Abigail Greydanus' latex bat underwear are slightly NSFW. Probably both in terms of viewing enlarged photos of them, and physically wearing them at the office, as my experience with latex is that it is the textile...

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Nerds with Vaginas Underwear

$15 from Etsy »

Did you get drunk and pee your pants last night? Did you throw your panties on stage during the New Year's Eve Super Diamond Neil Diamond cover band show? Did you sneak out of the bed you woke up in at 5:00 a.m. and leave...

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Cel Shaded Jeans

$158.43 from Etsy »

Need your video games and comic books on you at all times? Deja Neuf Heures has come up with a slightly different way to accomplish that: hand-painted cel shaded jeans....

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Manties Men's Lace Boxers

$31.19 from Firebox.com »

Last month this a-hole at my office left a box of Edible Anus chocolates on my desk with a note that said, "I saw these and thought of your face." Now everyone at work calls me Buttmuncher. Like we're 12! So for next...

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MyPakage Keyhole Comfort Underwear

$24.99 - $30.99 from Amazon »

While a keyhole connotes something very small into which one inserts something else very small...and then, uh, forcefully twists it 360 degrees clockwise or counterclockwise...I assure you that MyPakage underwear's KeyHole...