Grizzly Bear Underwear
I know grizzly bears are meant to connote fortitude, ferocity, and...bigness...in a reverential way, but, uh, I'm pretty sure these grizzly bear underwear are intended only for dudes who don't want blowjobs. They could also serve extreme feminists desiring to wear depictions of what all men see when looking at their crotches.
Snarling grizzly underwear have emblazoned shots of Kings of the Forest on both their front and back sides. Each has been trained to warm, cradle, and protect, as well as inject assigned manhoods with some of their ursine fire. But hopefully not their ursine aroma. Bears reek worse than 100 people on a windowless bus home from Burning Man. That dizzying smell, ma'am? Oh, it's just my bear pubes.
According to the Edison-caliber inventors of these underwear, the 100% polyester boxer briefs have been hand-crafted by virile Polish seamstresses. They have no flap. Because the last thing anyone ever wants to be unable to un-see is a wiener poking out of the mouth of a grizzly bear.