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Golden Girls Granny Panties

By: on December 15, 2015
Discontinued

Welp, they couldn't really put The Cosby Show on them, now could they? Candice Pugh of Etsy shop Bullets and Bees has made this homage to everyone's favorite old ladies living the retired life in Florida, The Golden Girls. Now I know what you're thinking: where's Rose? Betty White is the only one who's actually still alive, why is she missing? Well, I think the granny panties have gotten so much national coverage that St. Olaf's finest got a look at them and put the kibosh on Pugh's capitalizing on combining her face with ladies' crotchal regions. So this set contains only Sophia Petrillo on a rib-height blush panty, Dorothy Zbornak on a tuxedo-looking pair (so masculine, so fitting), and Blanche Devereux mugging a sheer floral lace number with a--you know it--crotchless center.

Maybe they're making their run as pop culture throwback darlings or whatever right now, but I don't know, the Golden Girls aren't really my bag. Someone call me when Small Wonder comes back around.

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Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)

Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...

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Eletrunks "Lifter" Underwear

$28 from Eletrunks »

Though the above video is slightly NSFW, Eletrunks are not a dirty or obscene pair of underwear. At all. The company's demo of their functional, comfort-enhancing, package-adjusting Lifter cord just makes it look like...

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Cute Ass Animals Underwear

$35 - $56 from Etsy »

Etsy vendor Nichola's Knickerockers, underwear with adorable animal faces strategically sewn across one of my favorite places on earth, are pricey. But to all ladies who often get mistaken for Victoria's Secret models...

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Fundies: Underwear Built for Two

$7.99 from Amazon »

According to every woman's favorite book, The Five Love Languages, physical touch is the predominant type of love males enjoy receiving, while quality time earns high marks with the ladies. Fundies, a chic pair of tandem...

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Kobayashi Mug

Sold Out from Amazon »

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

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Spartan Radiation-Blocking Underwear

$45 from Spartan »

Spartan Underwear heard the refrain every time some newfangled food or drug or piece of tech came out too: "Twenty years from now they'll probably find out it kills you." Or, in the case of the radiation given off by...

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Shreddies Fart-Filtering Underwear

$38 - $70 from Shreddies »

Leave it to the Brits to class up farts and poots. And also to create a solution that spares those who didn't just drop a silent stink bomb from inhaling the fumes released by the one who did. Shreddies is a line of men's...

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The Emojibator (NSFW)

$29 from Emojibator »

"If you can't find a date, emojibate." Some of you will chuckle and others will cringe, but Emojibator creator Jaime Jandler feels all she did was bring an obvious joke to life. And good for her. A little elbow grease...

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Flexing Arnold Rear Window Wiper Decal

$29.99 from House of Grafix »

It may take the sun to bring your guns out, but Schwarzenegger's here to flex his bad boys come dumping rain, sideways sleet, or blizzard of snow. Courtesy of House of Grafix, you can plaster Arnold in His Prime across...

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Bob Ross Funko Pop Figure

$15.98 from Amazon »

Funko has decided to turn Bob Ross into one of their Pop! figures. Finally, Ross! You had to wait 22 years after your death to receive this honor, but, as it does when painting happy little clouds and trees, patience...

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The Ball Lifter (NSFW)

$17 - $22.95 from Amazon »

I know what you're thinking: is that a push-up bra...for my balls? The answer is yes. The Ball Lifter was designed to lift and embellish your package without pumps, pills, or other male member enhancement quackery. It's...

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Latex Bat Underwear

$80 from Etsy »

Warning: Abigail Greydanus' latex bat underwear are slightly NSFW. Probably both in terms of viewing enlarged photos of them, and physically wearing them at the office, as my experience with latex is that it is the textile...