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Golden Girls Granny Panties

By: on December 15, 2015
Discontinued

Welp, they couldn't really put The Cosby Show on them, now could they? Candice Pugh of Etsy shop Bullets and Bees has made this homage to everyone's favorite old ladies living the retired life in Florida, The Golden Girls. Now I know what you're thinking: where's Rose? Betty White is the only one who's actually still alive, why is she missing? Well, I think the granny panties have gotten so much national coverage that St. Olaf's finest got a look at them and put the kibosh on Pugh's capitalizing on combining her face with ladies' crotchal regions. So this set contains only Sophia Petrillo on a rib-height blush panty, Dorothy Zbornak on a tuxedo-looking pair (so masculine, so fitting), and Blanche Devereux mugging a sheer floral lace number with a--you know it--crotchless center.

Maybe they're making their run as pop culture throwback darlings or whatever right now, but I don't know, the Golden Girls aren't really my bag. Someone call me when Small Wonder comes back around.

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Life-Size Exorcist Regan Doll

$3,995 from Etsy »

The only thing worse than a Monday is clicking on a link that brings you to a life-size replica doll of possessed Regan from The Exorcist. It just happened to me, and since misery loves company, here you go, dudes. I'm...

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Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)

Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...

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Cute Ass Animals Underwear

$35 - $56 from Etsy »

Etsy vendor Nichola's Knickerockers, underwear with adorable animal faces strategically sewn across one of my favorite places on earth, are pricey. But to all ladies who often get mistaken for Victoria's Secret models...

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Eletrunks "Lifter" Underwear

$28 from Eletrunks »

Though the above video is slightly NSFW, Eletrunks are not a dirty or obscene pair of underwear. At all. The company's demo of their functional, comfort-enhancing, package-adjusting Lifter cord just makes it look like...

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Madballs Foam Balls

$10.90 - $13.90 from Amazon »

Weeee! Madballs are back. Just in time for Halloween and the 867th time this year I've wished so hard I could go back to the simpler days of my childhood in the 80s....

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Fundies: Underwear Built for Two

$8.06 from Amazon »

According to every woman's favorite book, The Five Love Languages, physical touch is the predominant type of love males enjoy receiving, while quality time earns high marks with the ladies. Fundies, a chic pair of tandem...

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Kobayashi Mug

Sold Out from Amazon »

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

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Shreddies Fart-Filtering Underwear

$38 - $70 from Shreddies »

Leave it to the Brits to class up farts and poots. And also to create a solution that spares those who didn't just drop a silent stink bomb from inhaling the fumes released by the one who did. Shreddies is a line of men's...

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Breaking Bad RV Incense Burner

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

Ah, the Breaking Bad RV Incense Burner. [Cue nostalgia.] Reminds me just how much I miss the Krystal Ship. I can't believe it's been 4 years since Heisenberg & Pinkman cooked their last batch. I hope things turn out better...

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The Emojibator (NSFW)

$29 from Emojibator »

"If you can't find a date, emojibate." Some of you will chuckle and others will cringe, but Emojibator creator Jaime Jandler feels all she did was bring an obvious joke to life. And good for her. A little elbow grease...

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Whiskey River Sarcastic Soaps

$8.95 from Whiskey River »

Whiskey River Soaps are like modern-day Shakespearean comedies. Insightful in reading people. Precise in their social commentary. Charming and funny. And, to complement our 21st century needs, not tl;dr, and serving more...

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A Die Hard Christmas

$15.29 from Amazon »

Yippee Ki Yay! A Die Hard Christmas: The Illustrated Holiday Classic is going to be on every kid's man's gift list this year. (Kids probably won't want it. They'll think the John McClane brand of killing and violence...