22

Ruf Retard 907 - Intimate Spray for Men

By: on November 13, 2016
$44.88
Check It Out

Oh man, between the Jesus drink markers and this bottle of Retard spray, it's a day of low-hanging fruit in my world. No, more accurately in this case, low-hanging johnsons. No, people who power trip on being offended, Retard 907 is not an obnoxious joke or parody on the mentally handicapped. I don't know why maker Ruf decided to go with the shortened version of the word, but "retard" here means retardant. As in inhibitor. A substance that slows something down. Ruf Retard 907 is a spray that extends dudes' sexy stories so they don't reach the happy endings too soon.

Now it's not clear to me what's in Retard 907, or how it does what it say it do, but the pitch is that a mist over the tube steak 5 or so minutes before the chilling portion of Neflix & chill begins will reduce the stimulate of the glans, and enable men to thrust more, prolong their enjoyment, and maybe make sure their partner gets a nice O in there too.

In addition to holding back the march of ejaculation nation, Retard 907 claims it will also help maintain a more rigid erection during penetration.

Check it out

Luxury Mile High Club Experience

$7,750 from Wish.co.uk »

Don't just simulate them in a Jet Bed, realize your aero-fantasies with the Luxury Mile High Club Experience. Wish.co.uk, peddlers of myriad activities intended to prevent life and its inhabitants from becoming boring...

Check it out

World's Largest Super Soaker

Your biggest concern about the World's Largest Super Soaker* shouldn't be that it will get you super soaked upon impact. Because the water jets maker Mark Rober has built this 7-foot H2Ogre to spew is so powerful it can...

Check it out

Boregasm Pills

Good thing yawns and O faces look about the same because, thanks to research being conducted by a handful of (presumably exhausted and horny) PhD students at Indiana University's The Kinsey Institute, they're about to...

Buy Now

Embarrassing Box Prank Mailer (NSFW)

$12.99 from Amazon »

D*ck in a Box is back! Just in time to dil-dole out some good times at the office and an April Fool's Day gift or two. Like many popular send-it-anonymously pranks, maker Witty Yeti will take a sworn oath to mail your...

Buy Now

Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)

Sold Out from Amazon »

Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found...

Check it out

LaunchPAD - Fleshlight iPad Case (NSFW)

$29.95 from Fleshlight »

Though it's not electric or piston-powered...or Japanese...like this friendly sex toy, the LaunchPAD does employ advanced technology in a valiant effort to enhance Man's alone time. The makers of male masturbatory aid...

Buy Now

Naughty People Outlet Stickers

$8.10 from Amazon »

These naughty people. Doing doggy style on an electrical outlet. Didn't their mamas teach them anything? Dude better keep his finger out of his lady's mouth (and eyes if they're into that sort of thing) or this love session...

Buy Now

The Pop-up Book of Sex (NSFW)

$116.83 from Amazon »

It's a good thing The Pop-up Book of Sex came to us (hard, I hear) over 10 years ago because the decade in between gave YouTubers plenty of time to put together a detailed video flip-through of every single one of the...

Buy Now

The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas (NSFW)

$11.95 from Amazon »

Is further product description really needed? First there was Georgia O'Keefe, now there is author and illustrator Morgan Hastings. Black-and-white outlines of anatomical wonders beg for your acrylic and Crayola technicolor...

Buy Now

Little Rooster Alarm Clock Vibrator

$99 from Amazon »

Oh (face) no, the rooster's crowing (buzzing) already?! Come (yes, please) on! Do I really have to get up (off)? I hear you, ladies. It's a brutal world of mornings, alarms, and orgasms we live in. I'll keep my fingers...

Buy Now

Sex Positions You Never Thought Possible (NSFW)

$15.67 from Amazon »

Remember that one time you let some chick drag you to hot yoga because she too was hot and you wanted to see her do bendy things in spandex pants, but then you ended up spending the whole class lying on your back trying...

Buy Now

Paco's Taco Stroker

Sold Out from Amazon »

At first I was like, Who the h-e-double-boner named this kitchen tool "Paco's Taco Stroker?" I'm going to make so many masturbation jokes when I write about it. And then I looked closer and was like, Holy hard-on! They...