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Iyashi Octopus Sucker Massager

By: on May 26, 2016

Hmmm, what do you think, is that picture Photoshopped? And if it isn't would you consider having a pinky-sized chunk of your cheek Stretch Armstrong-ed a foot away from your face: 1) relaxing; and 2) $81 well spent?

The Iyashi Octopus Sucker Massager is a Japan especiale fashioned like a big rubber oven glove dotted with dozens of little suction cups--or an octopus and its suckers. You can wear the glove suckers-in to massage your hands and feet, or suckers-out to go after sore necks, backs, legs, and, uh, jaw muscles. Japan Trend Shop calls this Iyashi approach "a special quasi-acupuncture suction session." But it reminds me more of this one horrible form of torture my girlfriend made me subject myself to "to destress and encourage blood flow" called cupping. Matches, glass jars, the literal vacuuming of skin and muscle into them. It looks like this during the process.

And your body looks like this afterwards.

Iyashi Octo-Shiastsu now, anyone?

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Fidget Cube Desk Toy

$25 from Antsy Labs »

Whether it's the caffeine jitters, public speaking anxiety, or ants in your pants, those of us who aren't trained professionals in smoothness like James Bond and Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love will probably feel...

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MYO Telekinetic Armband

$199.99 from Amazon »

Well, telekinetic is only part of the story. Is telemusculokinetic a word too? Maybe that's redundant. Remote control muscles? Yeah, let's go with RC muscles. MYO armbands transform muscles--specifically the arm, or as...

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Scented Croissant Stress Toy

$10.99 from Amazon »

I don't know if a memory foamy croissant that emits the scent of mankind's greatest pastry when you squeeze it is so much a stress reliever as it is a stress creator. Holidays got you frazzled with the shopping frenzy...

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Tokaido Board Game

$79.95 from Amazon »

In Tokaido, board game designer Antoine Bauza takes his award-winning artwork skills to Japan's East Sea Road. Two to five travelers will journey along the undulating road in hopes of discovery its treasures and natural...

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Zerobody Anti-Gravity Bed

The Zerobody is a sensory deprivation float tank that removes the one major P in the A side effect of floating: getting wet. (True, drowning is kind of a pain too, but most of these tanks have only about a foot of water...

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Golden Snitch Fidget Spinner

$12.95 from Amazon »

A Golden Snitch fidget spinner for all the antsy, anxious, stressed, and spectral Harry Potter fans out there. Add a pair of wings to a copper hub, and you've got your very own Quidditch game for one. Well, more like...

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Attack on Titan Super Hard Blade iPhone Case

$38.30 from Strapya World »

It's always interesting when and which Japanese manga and anime cross over into mainstream Western culture. Here it's even more interesting that a piece of Japanese manga/anime has crossed over into real life. And even...

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Muzo - Personal Zone Creator & Noise Blocker

$159 from indiegogo »

Muzo uses anti-vibration technology to turn the world off. (Makes sense, given the number of other devices that use pro-vibration technology to turn the world on--VibeRider, anyone?) At approximately the size and shape...

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The Bird's Nest Bed

The Bird's Nest Bed can accommodate up to 16 people at once. Take note swingers, Mormons, women undergoing IVF treatments, and the Duggar family! The giant basin of comfort was brainstormed and brought to life by O*GE...

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F-Cup Cookies

F-Cup Cookies sound like they would be a joke, and they probably are, but for all women with concave chesticular regions and, more importantly, for all the men who have to fondle them, I sure as 2 seconds of motorboating...

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Electric Head Massager

$165 from Amazon »

I want to know, you want to know, so we may as well just ask: does the electric head massager give good head? And if so, how good? What kind of good? Does it just find its grip and squeeze, or is there some steady, calculated...

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Kururin Japanese Desktop Toy

$12.99 from Kendama »

Tops, fidget spinners, and now the Japanese Kururin. Why is hand-eye coordination storming pop culture so hard right now? I have many gifts and endowments--huge ones!--but, as evidenced by my attempts to school my girlfriend...