The Dick Belt
The Dick Belt is funny and all, but I'm not sure how many places I'd feel comfortable wearing it. Not because the belt itself looks stifling or like a gut digger, but because, I mean, do I really want to add "cock unfurling" to my list of crotchal concerns while in public? It's already pretty crowded with "fly undone," "stain on pants that could be construed as semen," and "shorts tenting at sight of attractive woman or sandwich."
Infinitely adjustable with a slide buckle, and a formidable 60" long, the Dick Belt is made to fit waist sizes up to 44". That's to allow "at least a 12" cock flop with trimming." So I guess if your waist is wider than 44", but you're secure enough in your manhood that you don't need your Dick Belt to hang quite so low, the Dick Belt optical illusion would work for you too.
/10-images-i-cant-believe-are-43138.jpg?mode=crop "10 Images I Can't Believe Are Allowed on Amazon (NSFW)")
10 Images I Can't Believe Are Allowed on Amazon (NSFW)
And I mean very NSFW. I mean, it's not like I came across* these 10 images I can't believe are allowed on Amazon because I was searching for porn, boobies, or sex toys on Amazon. I was just minding my own business, perusing...
/penis-weight-set-43612.jpg?mode=crop "Penis Weight Set")
Penis Weight Set
All the talk of building a prison body during quarantine made me seek out this penis weight set. Because while you can certainly do pushups, pullups, chinups, dips, and squats like a convicted felon, it's gonna be real...
/pacos-taco-stroker-22826.jpg "Paco's Taco Stroker")
Paco's Taco Stroker
At first I was like, Who the h-e-double-boner named this kitchen tool "Paco's Taco Stroker?" I'm going to make so many masturbation jokes when I write about it. And then I looked closer and was like, Holy hard-on! They...
/tirecockz-prank-tire-valve-39733.jpg?mode=crop "Tirecockz Prank Tire Valve Stem Caps")
Tirecockz Prank Tire Valve Stem Caps
Ain't no practical joke more practical than Tirecockz. The ridickulous penis tire valve stem caps will humiliate your friend Cornelius (more than driving a Dodge Neon beater already does) but still protect his valve stems...
/heres-the-rub-the-best-male-45378.jpg?mode=crop "Here's the Rub: The Best Male Masturbatory Aids (NSFW)")
Here's the Rub: The Best Male Masturbatory Aids (NSFW)
The very best male masturbatory aids always have been and always will be porn - obviously - but recent developments in sex toy tech and gadgetry, and the fact that dating is even trickier during a pandemic than it is...
/fun-with-anatomical-optical-39428.jpg?mode=crop "Fun with Anatomical Optical Illusions (NSFW)")
Fun with Anatomical Optical Illusions (NSFW)
I've found some choice anatomical optical illusions for your viewing pleasure this evening (or morning with your computer rearview mirror on your monitor at work). Most are just momentary illusions whose true nature is...
/jizz-the-game-32858.jpg?mode=crop "Jizz the Game (NSFW)")
Jizz the Game (NSFW)
Huh, an 8" pink penis called Jizz the Game. I wonder how you play that. Maybe some of you bachelorettes out there prepping for your buttery-nipple- and dick-straw-filled parties as we head into wedding season can test...
/unleash-the-kraken-male-42200.jpg?mode=crop "Unleash the Kraken Male Vibrator (NSFW)")
Unleash the Kraken Male Vibrator (NSFW)
While we normally think of the kraken as wielding tentacles of asphyxiation and death, what if in fact the giant squid is all about pleasure? What if his tentacles, as they appear willing and able to do in this male vibrator...
/balldo-ball-dildo-to-double-48060.jpg?mode=crop "balldo - Ball-Dildo to Double Your Penis Count (NSFW)")
balldo - Ball-Dildo to Double Your Penis Count (NSFW)
"Make 2021 the year of ballsex!" Well, balldo, it's not the worst idea anyone's ever had. Plus, given all the horrible things 2020 was the year of, and the lackluster way 2021 has kicked off, a brand new ball-dildo that...
/crochet-penis-blanket-49439.jpg?mode=crop "Crochet Penis Blanket")
Crochet Penis Blanket
Cozy up next to the fire pit with a warm, cuddly...cock & balls?! This Crochet Penis Blanket from Naughty Mature Gifts will make you snug as a bug in a...er...opposite of rug on cool summer evenings and <a href="https://www.dudeiwantthat.com/blog/the...
/willy-care-kit-26966.jpg?mode=crop "Willy Care Kit")
Willy Care Kit
If your name isn't William, and you don't need a gift for a dude named William, I can't imagine why you'd buy a Willy Care grooming kit. I mean, I know it's a common name and all, but are there really enough Willies out...
/flowering-penis-coffee-mugs-28372.jpg "Flowering Penis Coffee Mug")
Flowering Penis Coffee Mug
For all the ladies (and fellas!) who count floral patterns and penises amongst their favorite things, have I got a mug of a gift for you. Clothing and accessory brand HUMAN goes for a very anatomical part of being one...