Chainmail Ties

By: on March 03, 2013
  • Chainmail Ties
  • Chainmail Ties
  • Chainmail Ties
  • Chainmail Ties
  • Chainmail Ties
$70 - $180
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Previously if someone had asked me how to make bow ties more dapper I would have called trick question BS. You! Can't! I would have exclaimed. Their plaid and polka-dotted prints have propelled them to their dapper pinnacle, which is not only the pinnacle of bow tie dapperness, but the pinnacle of all claimants to the dapper family, including sweater vests, fresh haircuts, colors that complement skin tone, and Sure Fuck Cologne.

That was previously.

But now that Marci Million has introduced the bow tie to chainmail--as in the ultimate in contemporary formalwear meets medieval chivalry--well, whoa. I know bow ties aren't usually comparable to asses, but all I can say is I don't think I'm ready for that jelly.

Million's chainmail tie collection includes silver and black bow ties, as well as silver and striped neckties. All are handmade to order from lightweight aluminum rings. Bow ties measure 5 1/4" wide x 2 1/4" tall, neckties 18" long x 1-5/8" wide. They attach around the neck via a chain with hooks to preclude futile tying efforts.

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3D Printed Cat Armor

Now that the dog is Kevlared, spiked, and pokey bristled to the hilt with a CoyoteVest, it's time to turn your attention to armoring the cat. True, you've had the leather Cat Battle Armor option for a couple of years...

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Wild Knight Dog Armor

$367 from Etsy »

Your canine ca-knight in shining armor has arrived! With one caveat: Lebovskiart, the Bulgarian designer of the shining armor, reports that his dog "does not like very much these strange clothes." But for him at least...

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Pac-Man Suit

Sold Out from Amazon »

All the Ms. Pacs out there will melt in your arms when they get a look at your new arcade on a suit. OppoSuits, known for their quirky twists on classic menswear, has put Pac-Man to fabric and sewn him into a 3-piece....

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The Traxedo - Tuxedo Track Suits

$23.58 - $89.99 from Amazon »

Ahhh, Traxedo. The perfect response to the next time my girlfriend tells me to put on some nice clothes and take her to the (obscenely overpriced) wine & tapas bar. Ahhh, Traxedo. The polyester penguin suit that will...

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Scalemail Spaulders

$65 from Etsy »

Fashion-forward and cosplaying ladies will love these scalemail spaulders and choker from Silmaril Clothing. Dudes, you might like them too if you can tear your eyes away from the model's tattoo long enough to check them...

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Chainmail Shoes

$235 - $260 from GoSt Barefoots »

I suppose calling theses shoes PaleoBarefoots appeals to a wider market, given the current eat-and-function-like-a-caveman craze popularized by the likes of CrossFit and Mark Sisson, but Chainmail Shoes sounds so much...

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Batman v. Superman Wooden Bow Ties

$75 from Woodnax »

As Batman and Superman duke it out on the big screen for Best (and Most Smug) Superhero, you and your friend Cornelius can clip on a pair of WoodnAx Batman and Superman wooden bow ties and duke it out in real life for...

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Chainmail Bikini Top

$195 from Etsy »

Cosplay, Comic-Con, even the swimming pool. Yes, this handwoven chainmail bikini top is waterproof and primed for a summer of splashing, floating, and breaststroking medieval style. All that's missing is the sea serpent...

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Bev Tie Beer Koozie Tie

$21.95 from Amazon »

The mountains of North Carolina know how to stay cool. I'm not sure if it's the Blue Ridge or the Smokys, but somewhere high above sea level, industrious minds in search of cold beer, free hands, and stylin' formalwear...

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Laser Pointer Tactical Necktie

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

Does a necktie equipped with a laser pointer and MOLLE system take the current tactical fad a step too far? Yeah, but...I kind of want one, so...on second thought, definitely not. ThinkGeek's tactical tie is fitted with...

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Chainmail Cast Iron Pan Scrubber

$19.98 from Amazon »

Dish Soap + Cast Iron Cookware = Very Bad Cleaning Method. But evidently, Chainmail + Cast Iron Cookware = World's Best Pot and Pan Scrubber. The CM Scrubber looks like a cross between a potholder and the second ugliest...

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The Pillow Tie

$19.95 from Pillow Tie »

Neck-to-pillow contact : Kelly Brook :: Neck-to-tie contact : Rosie O'Donnell. Therefore, neck-to-Pillow-Tie contact = hmmm, Zooey Deschanel? Or maybe topless Anna Paquin. Listen, Pillow Ties are not a substitute for...