Sure F**k Cologne

Posted: January 02, 2013
Sure F**k Cologne
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Sure Fuck Cologne is a self-described "cool fresh manly scent that thrusts women into a crazy hot SEXUAL FRENZY!" Whoa. That's specific. They even put "sexual frenzy" in all caps like it is when I think it over and over in my head every time I walk into a Lululemon or hot yoga class. I'd like to know more.

Sure Fuck makers (Sure Fuckers?) explain that their no-fail odiferous lady bait is the product of extensive scientific research and experimentation at the two places a man is least likely to convince a woman to sleep with him: a nunnery and a WNBA game. The resultant, ultimate-libido-lighting formula has proven to get single dudes laid 96.5% of the time. And though the probability that Sure Fuck-wearing married men will persuade their wives to have sex with them is slightly lower at 86.7%, SF'ers do point out that this number is significantly higher than the standard odds of 0%. So how does it work?

The instant Sure Fuck Cologne hits a woman's olfactory sensors, it shoots straight to her brain, where it abracadabras a smooth switcheroo on the receptors that dictate her desire to spend 90% of her time thinking about shopping, and only 10% thinking about sex. Suddenly, lustful visions of Louboutin shoes, leather pants, and bamboo bedding turn into lustful visions of taking off leather pants, rolling around in bamboo bedding, and...maybe leaving the shoes on. In short, Sure Fuck Cologne puts men and women on the same page. The horny one.

Surprisingly, Sure Fuck Cologne comes in 2-ounce bottles, not 10-gallon drums. Check out the SF Blog for more proof that, together, this scent and you are going to nail it on your next night out, as well as photos of the cologne posing with stars of the Adult Entertainment industry.

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