A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

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Wednesday, April 25, 2012
$10 from Lollyphile »

Yes, it's the rooster sauce hardened, domed out, and mounted on a stick. Sriracha Lollipops: where cocks become balls. Online 'pop shop Lollyphile has turned everyone's favorite liquid fire into a lickable creation that will...

Monday, February 18, 2013
$15 from Etsy »

Death Star Lollipops. An excellent concept. And might I suggest throwing some Pop Rocks in there too during a suck session so they actually explode in your mouth....

Wednesday, October 26, 2011
$18.95 from Etsy »

Leave a message in the sand for those who follow in your footsteps, poignant or not. Anything you want. These suckers are custom made to say whatever it is you like. I predict 50% of the orders are for some variant of "Fuck .....". Right? Anyone?...

Thursday, August 11, 2011

This ammunition inspired chess set is made using spent .223 bullet shell casings. One side uses steel casings and the other side uses brass casings. The kings and queens are the only 4 pieces with an actual bullet re-set in...

Friday, November 23, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

Did you know the squeezable, talk-raunchy-to-me Miss Naughty Doll also comes in compact, white elephant gift-ready keychain size? Until now, I didn't. I mean, a bookish, wholesome guy like me didn't even know a full-size Miss...

Monday, December 19, 2011
$3,500 from Chef Stack »

Now this is a pancake machine Henry Ford would appreciate. It's almost akin to something you'd see Homer lying down in front of with his mouth open wide as the Chef Stack Pancake Machine pumps endless pancakes into his mouth at a rate of 180 PPH (that's pancakes per hour). A bit pricey, but it's also available for lease, though it's hard to predict exactly when you'll be home drunk at 2am and craving...

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Though many people who get tattoos fancy themselves hardasses, it doesn't mean they don't want to coddle and pamper and amplify their sweet baby ink jobs. Fresh Ink Tattoo Enhancing Moisturizer endeavors to amp up the appearance...

Friday, January 25, 2013
$15.10 from Amazon »

I don't think it would be that hard to be a Zombie Tarot Card reader. Everyone's fate would be the same: death. I suppose you would have to get a little creative in describing the specifics of each poor sap's demise, but I'm...

Thursday, February 2, 2012
Sold Out from Etsy »

Calling all fairy tale and 62-point font enthusiasts: Envelop yourself in this Bedtime Stories duvet set, and combat sleepless nights and misplaced reading glasses with a classic tome from the Brothers Grimm. The multi-layered...

Wednesday, September 14, 2011
$129.90 from Amazon »

Not since the invention of the laser pointer has an item this perfect come along to confound and torment our pets. Sphero is a robotic ball that is controlled by your mobile phone. A technological marvel, this is mainly for...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Sunday, June 10, 2012
$9.01 from Amazon »

King, Emperor, Khal, Master and Commander, and Grand Poobah of haters, Matthew DiBenedetti, has immortalized his personality--defined by a comprehensive hatred of everything--in his grand oeuvre of ire, aptly titled I Hate...

Friday, August 10, 2012
Discontinued

One thing I would like to learn how to do is cut in a straight line. From there, maybe I can progress to the precise and exacting skills Etsy vendor Tori uses to create her custom Comic Book High Heels from the pages of DC's...

Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

Obviously this skull & spine beer bong establishes instant credibility by appearing in photos with a can of PBR. Which is a gustatory delight because, as I say every time I take my first drink of a tall boy, it tastes like...

Monday, September 16, 2013

Not that I won't still slop flecks of Pho juice all over myself while eating the noodles, but at least Soup Sticks will eliminate the liquid deluge I incur when I've consumed all of its chunky bits and move to drink straight...

Monday, October 8, 2012
$3.95 from Amazon »

Obviously, I like putting ketchup on burgers and fries. I also kind of like putting ketchup on eggs. And potato chips. Probably I would enjoy it on a Caesar salad as well if it weren't so runny. Oh, why hello Ketchup Salt...

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Author Justin James Muir deems the 86 follicular face thatches crawling through the pages of his A Book of Beards "stunning." Though I may have chosen a more manly descriptor, such as bomb, boss, or Zangief, I would have to...

Sunday, September 30, 2012
Discontinued

OK, maybe this spiked pastel vest will make the lovely vixen who wears it look more like an ankylosaurus than a stegosaurus, but considering I had never heard the word "ankylosaurus" before in my life until I Googled "spikey...

Saturday, March 2, 2013
$79 from Amazon »

Typically, I'm all too happy to touch things in public places and then put my fingers in my mouth, but the airplane is where I draw the line. Confined space, large numbers of people and, ugh, their children, recycled air...even...

Saturday, April 13, 2013
$29.50 from Nutshot »

Like SEXCEREAL, NutShot Peanut Butter capitalizes on branding, as it is nothing more than a jar full of pulverized peanuts manufactured in both chunk and chunk-free form. And while that itself is one of NutShot creator Marcus...

Friday, April 26, 2013
$499.95 from Sierra Designs »

I believe the DriDown sleeping bag weighs only 1lb 12oz because when I picked one up and hit my friend Cornelius over the head with it he hardly even flinched. It took him, like, 8 seconds before he realized what happened...

Thursday, October 25, 2012
FREE - $0.99 from RunPee.com »

Since I have the bladder of a camel (and the strength of an ox and the valor of a lion and the manly aggression of a rhino and the heart-melting adorability of a baby polar bear) I don't really need an app to tell me when...

Bar
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
$3 from ThinkGeek »

This is like a 1950s breathalizer. It has measurements along the side of the glass for every kind of booze imaginable so you can measure just how drunk you're getting. They should also sell and egg timer along with this for...

Wednesday, August 8, 2012
$649 from PortaBeer »

With tailgating season upon us, and cold draft beer-drinking season about to hit its, oh, maybe 1 billionth month in a row, entrepreneurial brew-lovin' buds Albert, Mark, Todd, and Ray have hit Indiegogo with the PortaKeg...

Saturday, December 22, 2012
$11.99 from Amazon »

I knew with a little help from the Internet it wouldn't take long to find an answer to my question of what am I going to do with all of the grenades I stockpiled in anticipation of the end of the world that did not happen....

Monday, September 5, 2011

Creative table design beats your dog to the punch... then urinates it all over your carpet. Made with western maple and aluminum, this is just one of many creative designs from Straight Line Design....

Sunday, August 4, 2013
$700 from Etsy »

Sharks and ukuleles seem to be an unlikely pairing, until you take into account that sharks will shred any physical object into a horrifying mess of strands and pulp, and ukuleles will likewise shred any Billboard hit into...

Saturday, November 24, 2012
$89.95 from Amazon »

The original Tactical Bleeding Zombie Target provides hours of strategic and graphic training for ZDay vigilantes, but until now, shooting practice accessories did little for those who hate both zombies and clowns. Which is...

Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

The story never changes: in all successful relationships, communication is key. When another human being makes you feel thankful, it is important to express that gratitude. And what better way to say "Thank you" than with...

Thursday, March 14, 2013
$2,339 - $2,999 from Fontana Forni »

Who remembers the Bagel Bites jingle? Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at suppertime. When pizza's on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime! Those things were so delicious with their microscopic cubes of pepperoni....

Tuesday, May 28, 2013
$106.76 from Amazon »

Percolator is just an elitist way of saying thing that forces liquid into one end of a solid, such as coffee or tea, and out the other as a way of steeping it. But Bialetti probably felt it sounded more sophisticated and legit...

Friday, November 25, 2011
$70.13 from Amazon »

Don't just make sure they see you coming, make sure they have a seizure when they see you coming! Monkey Lights elicit ocular anarchy in 32 LED colors with programmable patterns, and maintain their function in all weather...

Saturday, April 7, 2012
$8.03 from Amazon »

Does The Hungoevr Cookbook spotlight a small, yet decidedly porky hog on its cover because bacon is the ultimate hangover cure, or because it would also like to point out that those of us requiring a cookbook tailored to days...

Saturday, January 5, 2013
$41k from Matter »

Good things come to those who...have high-paying jobs or trust funds. For when they are overwrought and need an immediate means of relaxation, or bloated and seeping whiskey from their pores and need a surefire way to shed...

Saturday, April 27, 2013
$8.09 from Amazon »

Chef'n decided one banana slicer more popular for its witty Amazon reviews than the function it serves wasn't enough for the world. Or maybe they were worried Hutzler's model was on the verge of becoming a monopoly. Or maybe...

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Ever had to take a leak so bad you could taste it? Well, thanks to Guitar Pee, you're about to have to take a leak so bad you could piss "Stairway to Heaven". A concept that falls somewhere between baffling and F'in rad, Guitar...

Saturday, February 9, 2013
$89.99 from Etsy »

How boss will I be when people see me light a stogie with my cufflinks? Never mind that the awe and admiration will be fleeting once my shirt sleeve and, shortly thereafter, entire person also erupts into flame*. A few James...

Sunday, September 29, 2013
$182 from Amazon »

To my friend Cornelius, who failed to grow up to be an astronaut, awww, better luck next life dude. Cheer up, though. Thanks to the marvels of modern consumerism and mass production, you can have an authentic-looking MA-1...

Sunday, February 26, 2012
$10 from Molla Space »

Behold the one-way mirror of playing cards! MollaSpace's transparency deck gives serious poker and Go Fish competitors the ability to surreptitiously monitor their opponents' actions and expressions, while simultaneously defiling...

Monday, March 18, 2013
$99.99 from Etsy »

Here's a clever solution for men who want to hide that they're married without taking off their wedding ring: finger camo! "I swear I had it on the whole night, but no one seemed to see it...." Laid over a titanium band to...

Thursday, September 5, 2013
$14.04 from Amazon »

Although mustaches have largely run their trendy and ironic course, I bet there are people out there who still, always have, and always will genuinely adore them. And while I'd normally never be one to advocate keeping that...

Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

It's like sitting on air. Literally...yet...somehow minus the perceived comfort of actually sitting on air. Because although BioLogic's PostPump 2.0 has converted a high-capacity bicycle tire pump into a bicycle seat post...

Monday, September 17, 2012

Though not quite as cool as the Inflatable Water Ball, I could see the Human Bowling Ball game providing many hours of fun and mild concussions for the whole fam damily. Its transparent PVC ball inflates to 7' in diameter...

Friday, February 17, 2012

What does your chain link fence say about you? Nothing? What if it were inlaid with intricate designs of lace, leaves, butterflies, kings of the jungle, or the face of Darth Vadar? Lace Fence is a traditional, fully functional...

Sunday, January 29, 2012
$510 from Bellissimo »

Ronel Jordaan and her estrogen-driven staff hand spin these near optical illusions from 100% Merino wool. The strikingly realistic woolen mammoths epitomize haute minimalist design, with the unexpected perk of being plush...

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

First, we prepare all of their meals and allow them to share our bed. Then, we scurry along behind them, scrambling for a plastic bag when they squat to take a dump, picking up the shit when they're done, and schlepping the...

Wednesday, March 20, 2013
$52 from Riffstation »

Riffstation is sort of like Guitar Hero software. But for real guitar players, not just button-pressing hacks like myself, and for real guitar players who actually want to improve their technique or jam with their favorite...

Bar
Thursday, January 3, 2013
$29.95 from Amazon »

Aperture Science issues the following warning: Leave a Jack & Coke ring on the wife's/girlfriend's/mom's/anal retentive UFC fighter's European Oak table, and your ass is grass. They'll know instantly, too, because it's a hypercolor...

Monday, June 11, 2012
$11.99 from RF Laserworks »

Welcome back, Hypercolor. This heat-sensitive iPhone 4/4s backing responds to the touch of a hand--or lips or other body parts traditionally reserved for photocopiers--with thermochromic color changes that mirror its shapely...

Thursday, July 4, 2013
$25.99 from Skreened »

Happy harsh dose of 4th of July reality! Aw come on, it's not so bad that Uncle Sam sees America celebrating its independence by launching bottle rockets out of beer bottles and butt cracks. We fought hard for this freedom...

Wednesday, June 26, 2013
$345 from Etsy »

What is this world coming to when one can have not just an entire Star Wars-themed room, but an entire room themed after just the series' Millennium Falcon? Awesome. This world is coming to awesome. If you already have a Millennium...

Thursday, August 25, 2011
Discontinued

How many bobcats did this guy have to kill just for these rings? Who cares... it's worth it, because these are awesome. Great for punching people in the face and scaring off every woman that has a visual on you because......

Sunday, January 6, 2013
Discontinued

Finally, an accurate representation of the moon glowing in the dark. Notice how it isn't square-shaped or blazing all the colors of the rainbow like this alleged "Moonlight Pillow". According to Edward J.H. O, the man behind...

Thursday, May 24, 2012

LEGO-themed firearm construction, per the LEGO Heavy Weapons builders' guide, may not be for children, but you know what is for children? LEGO-themed chores. Such as taking out the trash. And, in today's eco-conscious world...

Friday, September 23, 2011
$119.95 from Amazon »

All black and 8.5 inches from tip to tang... once you use this black instrument, you'll never go back to another. My wife has been begging me for one of these. I'm hesitant to oblige her for many reasons......

Sunday, September 23, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

TrekDesk. For if you're insanely efficient. Or always making excuses. If vertical treadmills and the monotony of conveyor belting aimlessly at the gym aren't your thing. If you have restless leg syndrome. If you are a complete...

Wednesday, November 23, 2011
$200 from Etsy »

A handmade, hand-dyed work of slumber and art that's stuffed with recycled quilts, lined with satin, and delivered to your door in 30 minutes or less. A scented model is currently in the works to increase the likelihood that...

Saturday, May 12, 2012

You've already tasted the rainbow, now it's time to touch the temperature. The Cryoscope is a WiFi-driven, tactile weather vane that heats or cools to the current--or forecasted--outside temperature of any user-entered location....

Saturday, June 1, 2013
$14.99 from ThinkGeek »

Here is what's going to happen when I give Cornelius pot brownies made with Jacked Up caffeinated baking sugar: first he will say he doesn't feel anything. This will continue for 11 to 17 minutes. Then he will jump out of...

Friday, March 1, 2013
$169.99 from Amazon »

I made the image of the little boy using the Zero Gravity Soccer Trainer bigger than the one of the little girl in the photo above because we all know boys are better than girls at sports, and the latter really shouldn't even...

Friday, October 12, 2012
Discontinued

I'm not easily impressed--well, unless a double muscled Belgian blue bull is involved--but the first words that come to mind as I check out Ben Riddering's Hanging Beds are "whoa," "dude," and "impressive." I especially like...

Thursday, May 10, 2012
$23.52 from Red Bubble »

If the Game of Thrones beer labels and T-shirts are here, the Game of Thrones brews themselves can't be far off. Obviously House Lannister will be a golden ale, House Targaryen a Belgian white, and the Night's Watch a hearty...

Sunday, July 8, 2012

If you get riled up watching your favorite team bone a play, your least favorite Presidential candidate rally for support, or another F'in cliffhanger on True Blood, imagine the agression and blood stains you can spare the...

Monday, March 4, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

Oh, I see what they did. Put a knife on the knight's helmet where the plume usually goes. So it looks less dashing and, er, girly and more likely to leave numerous scars on its wearer. No, I'm sorry, make that its Fantasy...

Saturday, January 21, 2012
$21.95 from Home Wet Bar »

This self-aerator eliminates the need to decant or let your wine rest after corking it, and the included wine glass eliminates the need to chug it straight from the bottle. Pour your cellar's best burgundy or zin into the...

Thursday, May 2, 2013
$14.99 from Amazon »

Sometimes when Shaun T. is kicking my ass and making me want to rip his face off, but at the same time helping me attain hip-hop abs and generally making me a better man, I get thirsty and want a drink of water delivered by...

Wednesday, June 5, 2013
$57.10 from Amazon »

One time I went to Chile and while others gaped at the glaciers of Patagonia and marveled at the volcanos of the Lake District, I ate empanadas. While they trekked the rolling green hills of fourth-generation farms and strolled...

Wednesday, August 24, 2011
By: Maserati

I always thought Maserati held a nice position in the luxury/exotic auto market. Not quite the F U egocentricity of Ferrari or Lambos, but still better than Mercedes, BMW, Audi et al. And the logo is pretty tough to beat....

Sunday, October 13, 2013
$109.95 from Amazon »

This gift from the heavens cooks a Belgian waffle and an omelet simultaneously. Concurrently. At the same fucking time. Do I even need to say triple-decker waffle omelet sandwich? Do I need to say anything else at all?...