A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

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Thursday, February 16, 2012
$219.99 from Amazon »

Nest wears the hat triumvirate of temperature commander, energy conservationist, and significant other who actually listens and responds when you attempt to communicate with it. A thermostat that makes a diligent effort to...

Tuesday, March 12, 2013
$40.45 - $49.60 from Amazon »

I always wonder if dogs appreciate the lengths humans go to to enhance their comfort. Not in the sense that they need to send a handwritten thank you card or bake us a lasagna (though picking up their own shit would be a nice...

Tuesday, January 22, 2013
$12.46 from Amazon »

As one reader review points out, if you are actually suffering from a psychological disorder, The Paranoid's Pocket Guide to Mental Illnesses You Can Just Feel Coming On will not cure you. It probably won't make you feel any better about yourself at all. It may even leave you feeling worse. It's essentially the book version of most medications, all shrinks, and your mom. But funnier....

Monday, April 22, 2013
$38.19 - $288.99 from Amazon »

Japanese earwax magnifiers, freeze dried meat, Today's Special is: weirdness. Now someone take that mannequin's hat off so he'll stop yammering about sharing and being nice to people. Honeyville Rancher's Cut carnivorous delicacies...

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Unlike fireworks, entertainment by way of watching cats have a conniption represents easy, inexpensive, and safe* entertainment 365 days a year. Now we all know how I feel about cats, i.e., Satan and Joan Rivers' love children...

Sunday, May 6, 2012
$999 from Amazon »

With the purchase of the Ghostbusters Ghost Trap and Proton Backpack replicas, my psychologically warped transformation into circa 1984 Bill Murray is one step closer to complete. Now all that's left is the laser recreation of my hairline, jowl extension surgery, and kidnapping Sigourney Weaver. The Ghost Trap replica is an exact model of the supernatural slayer used in Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters...

Sunday, March 11, 2012
$15 from Odafree »

Odafree is an over-the-counter supplement ingested to combat odors associated with the excretion of feces and flatulence. Without the euphemisms? It's a daily pill that claims to remove the stench of hot death from shit and...

Tuesday, April 16, 2013
$19 from Amazon »

It's not that quesadillas are hard to make on the stovetop or in the oven, it's that one typically craves a quesadilla when one is not fit to operate the stovetop or the oven. With minimal risk of administering second degree...

Thursday, May 23, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

Though maybe not quite as cool as the Blacktop 360 Party Hub Grill, The Five Cooking Method Grill still ranks pretty high on my I Would Like One of Those Excel spreadsheet. Plus, unlike the Blacktop, the Method's distinct...

Thursday, May 30, 2013
$59.50 from Amazon »

Isn't it funny how the sun might give us cancer and kill us, but we likewise need it to survive, and also it can boil water in as little as 30 minutes with the help of a SunRocket Solar Kettle? The portable water heater and...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Friday, September 9, 2011
$220 from Etsy »

The Admiral is the latest and greatest in a long line of Steampunk USB drives from Will Rockwell. With a case of polished ziracote wood, brass tubing, a tiny boiler, and detailed gauge, The Admiral presents the essence of...

Thursday, August 11, 2011

This ammunition inspired chess set is made using spent .223 bullet shell casings. One side uses steel casings and the other side uses brass casings. The kings and queens are the only 4 pieces with an actual bullet re-set in...

Saturday, March 16, 2013
Discontinued

Water bottles for the arm may not be a novel concept, but the Hydrosleeve is the first water bladder I've seen that caters to the upper body's favorite appendage. For runners and people seeking a way to kiss their massive...

Wednesday, April 25, 2012
$10 from Lollyphile »

Yes, it's the rooster sauce hardened, domed out, and mounted on a stick. Sriracha Lollipops: where cocks become balls. Online 'pop shop Lollyphile has turned everyone's favorite liquid fire into a lickable creation that will...

Wednesday, October 26, 2011
$18.95 from Etsy »

Leave a message in the sand for those who follow in your footsteps, poignant or not. Anything you want. These suckers are custom made to say whatever it is you like. I predict 50% of the orders are for some variant of "Fuck...

Monday, February 18, 2013
Sold Out from Etsy »

Death Star Lollipops. An excellent concept. And might I suggest throwing some Pop Rocks in there too during a suck session so they actually explode in your mouth....

Monday, December 19, 2011
$3,500 from Chef Stack »

Now this is a pancake machine Henry Ford would appreciate. It's almost akin to something you'd see Homer lying down in front of with his mouth open wide as the Chef Stack Pancake Machine pumps endless pancakes into his mouth...

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Though many people who get tattoos fancy themselves hardasses, it doesn't mean they don't want to coddle and pamper and amplify their sweet baby ink jobs. Fresh Ink Tattoo Enhancing Moisturizer endeavors to amp up the appearance...

Friday, November 23, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

Did you know the squeezable, talk-raunchy-to-me Miss Naughty Doll also comes in compact, white elephant gift-ready keychain size? Until now, I didn't. I mean, a bookish, wholesome guy like me didn't even know a full-size Miss...

Thursday, February 2, 2012
Sold Out from Etsy »

Calling all fairy tale and 62-point font enthusiasts: Envelop yourself in this Bedtime Stories duvet set, and combat sleepless nights and misplaced reading glasses with a classic tome from the Brothers Grimm. The multi-layered...

Wednesday, September 14, 2011
$129.90 from Amazon »

Not since the invention of the laser pointer has an item this perfect come along to confound and torment our pets. Sphero is a robotic ball that is controlled by your mobile phone. A technological marvel, this is mainly for...

Friday, January 25, 2013
$15.10 from Amazon »

I don't think it would be that hard to be a Zombie Tarot Card reader. Everyone's fate would be the same: death. I suppose you would have to get a little creative in describing the specifics of each poor sap's demise, but I'm...

Sunday, June 10, 2012
$9.01 from Amazon »

King, Emperor, Khal, Master and Commander, and Grand Poobah of haters, Matthew DiBenedetti, has immortalized his personality--defined by a comprehensive hatred of everything--in his grand oeuvre of ire, aptly titled I Hate...

Friday, August 10, 2012
Discontinued

One thing I would like to learn how to do is cut in a straight line. From there, maybe I can progress to the precise and exacting skills Etsy vendor Tori uses to create her custom Comic Book High Heels from the pages of DC's...

Monday, October 8, 2012
$3.95 from Amazon »

Obviously, I like putting ketchup on burgers and fries. I also kind of like putting ketchup on eggs. And potato chips. Probably I would enjoy it on a Caesar salad as well if it weren't so runny. Oh, why hello Ketchup Salt...

Wednesday, October 9, 2013
$14.99 from Amazon »

Obviously this skull & spine beer bong establishes instant credibility by appearing in photos with a can of PBR. Which is a gustatory delight because, as I say every time I take my first drink of a tall boy, it tastes like...

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Author Justin James Muir deems the 86 follicular face thatches crawling through the pages of his A Book of Beards "stunning." Though I may have chosen a more manly descriptor, such as bomb, boss, or Zangief, I would have to...

Sunday, September 30, 2012
Discontinued

OK, maybe this spiked pastel vest will make the lovely vixen who wears it look more like an ankylosaurus than a stegosaurus, but considering I had never heard the word "ankylosaurus" before in my life until I Googled "spikey...

Saturday, March 2, 2013
$79 from Amazon »

Typically, I'm all too happy to touch things in public places and then put my fingers in my mouth, but the airplane is where I draw the line. Confined space, large numbers of people and, ugh, their children, recycled air...even...

Monday, September 16, 2013

Not that I won't still slop flecks of Pho juice all over myself while eating the noodles, but at least Soup Sticks will eliminate the liquid deluge I incur when I've consumed all of its chunky bits and move to drink straight...

Friday, April 26, 2013
$499.95 from Sierra Designs »

I believe the DriDown sleeping bag weighs only 1lb 12oz because when I picked one up and hit my friend Cornelius over the head with it he hardly even flinched. It took him, like, 8 seconds before he realized what happened...

Thursday, October 25, 2012
FREE - $0.99 from RunPee.com »

Since I have the bladder of a camel (and the strength of an ox and the valor of a lion and the manly aggression of a rhino and the heart-melting adorability of a baby polar bear) I don't really need an app to tell me when...

Saturday, April 13, 2013
$29.50 from Nutshot »

Like SEXCEREAL, NutShot Peanut Butter capitalizes on branding, as it is nothing more than a jar full of pulverized peanuts manufactured in both chunk and chunk-free form. And while that itself is one of NutShot creator Marcus...

Bar
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
$3 from ThinkGeek »

This is like a 1950s breathalizer. It has measurements along the side of the glass for every kind of booze imaginable so you can measure just how drunk you're getting. They should also sell and egg timer along with this for...

Monday, September 5, 2011

Creative table design beats your dog to the punch... then urinates it all over your carpet. Made with western maple and aluminum, this is just one of many creative designs from Straight Line Design....

Wednesday, August 8, 2012
$649 from PortaBeer »

With tailgating season upon us, and cold draft beer-drinking season about to hit its, oh, maybe 1 billionth month in a row, entrepreneurial brew-lovin' buds Albert, Mark, Todd, and Ray have hit Indiegogo with the PortaKeg...

Saturday, November 24, 2012
$89.95 from Amazon »

The original Tactical Bleeding Zombie Target provides hours of strategic and graphic training for ZDay vigilantes, but until now, shooting practice accessories did little for those who hate both zombies and clowns. Which is...

Saturday, December 22, 2012
$11.99 from Amazon »

I knew with a little help from the Internet it wouldn't take long to find an answer to my question of what am I going to do with all of the grenades I stockpiled in anticipation of the end of the world that did not happen....

Sunday, August 4, 2013
$700 from Etsy »

Sharks and ukuleles seem to be an unlikely pairing, until you take into account that sharks will shred any physical object into a horrifying mess of strands and pulp, and ukuleles will likewise shred any Billboard hit into...

Thursday, March 14, 2013
$2,339 - $2,999 from Fontana Forni »

Who remembers the Bagel Bites jingle? Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at suppertime. When pizza's on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime! Those things were so delicious with their microscopic cubes of pepperoni....

Friday, November 25, 2011
$70.12 from Amazon »

Don't just make sure they see you coming, make sure they have a seizure when they see you coming! Monkey Lights elicit ocular anarchy in 32 LED colors with programmable patterns, and maintain their function in all weather...

Tuesday, May 28, 2013
$106.73 from Amazon »

Percolator is just an elitist way of saying thing that forces liquid into one end of a solid, such as coffee or tea, and out the other as a way of steeping it. But Bialetti probably felt it sounded more sophisticated and legit...

Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

The story never changes: in all successful relationships, communication is key. When another human being makes you feel thankful, it is important to express that gratitude. And what better way to say "Thank you" than with...

Saturday, January 5, 2013
$41k from Matter »

Good things come to those who...have high-paying jobs or trust funds. For when they are overwrought and need an immediate means of relaxation, or bloated and seeping whiskey from their pores and need a surefire way to shed...

Saturday, April 7, 2012
$7.92 from Amazon »

Does The Hungoevr Cookbook spotlight a small, yet decidedly porky hog on its cover because bacon is the ultimate hangover cure, or because it would also like to point out that those of us requiring a cookbook tailored to days...

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Ever had to take a leak so bad you could taste it? Well, thanks to Guitar Pee, you're about to have to take a leak so bad you could piss "Stairway to Heaven". A concept that falls somewhere between baffling and F'in rad, Guitar...

Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

It's like sitting on air. Literally...yet...somehow minus the perceived comfort of actually sitting on air. Because although BioLogic's PostPump 2.0 has converted a high-capacity bicycle tire pump into a bicycle seat post...

Saturday, April 27, 2013
$8.09 from Amazon »

Chef'n decided one banana slicer more popular for its witty Amazon reviews than the function it serves wasn't enough for the world. Or maybe they were worried Hutzler's model was on the verge of becoming a monopoly. Or maybe...

Saturday, February 9, 2013
$89.99 from Etsy »

How boss will I be when people see me light a stogie with my cufflinks? Never mind that the awe and admiration will be fleeting once my shirt sleeve and, shortly thereafter, entire person also erupts into flame*. A few James...

Sunday, February 26, 2012
$10 from Molla Space »

Behold the one-way mirror of playing cards! MollaSpace's transparency deck gives serious poker and Go Fish competitors the ability to surreptitiously monitor their opponents' actions and expressions, while simultaneously defiling...

Friday, February 17, 2012

What does your chain link fence say about you? Nothing? What if it were inlaid with intricate designs of lace, leaves, butterflies, kings of the jungle, or the face of Darth Vadar? Lace Fence is a traditional, fully functional...

Monday, September 17, 2012

Though not quite as cool as the Inflatable Water Ball, I could see the Human Bowling Ball game providing many hours of fun and mild concussions for the whole fam damily. Its transparent PVC ball inflates to 7' in diameter...

Sunday, January 29, 2012
$510 from Bellissimo »

Ronel Jordaan and her estrogen-driven staff hand spin these near optical illusions from 100% Merino wool. The strikingly realistic woolen mammoths epitomize haute minimalist design, with the unexpected perk of being plush...

Monday, March 18, 2013
$99.99 from Etsy »

Here's a clever solution for men who want to hide that they're married without taking off their wedding ring: finger camo! "I swear I had it on the whole night, but no one seemed to see it...." Laid over a titanium band to...

Sunday, September 29, 2013
$182 from Amazon »

To my friend Cornelius, who failed to grow up to be an astronaut, awww, better luck next life dude. Cheer up, though. Thanks to the marvels of modern consumerism and mass production, you can have an authentic-looking MA-1...

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

First, we prepare all of their meals and allow them to share our bed. Then, we scurry along behind them, scrambling for a plastic bag when they squat to take a dump, picking up the shit when they're done, and schlepping the...

Bar
Thursday, January 3, 2013
$29.95 from Amazon »

Aperture Science issues the following warning: Leave a Jack & Coke ring on the wife's/girlfriend's/mom's/anal retentive UFC fighter's European Oak table, and your ass is grass. They'll know instantly, too, because it's a hypercolor...

Thursday, September 5, 2013
$11.86 from Amazon »

Although mustaches have largely run their trendy and ironic course, I bet there are people out there who still, always have, and always will genuinely adore them. And while I'd normally never be one to advocate keeping that...

Wednesday, March 20, 2013
$52 from Riffstation »

Riffstation is sort of like Guitar Hero software. But for real guitar players, not just button-pressing hacks like myself, and for real guitar players who actually want to improve their technique or jam with their favorite...

Monday, June 11, 2012
$11.99 from RF Laserworks »

Welcome back, Hypercolor. This heat-sensitive iPhone 4/4s backing responds to the touch of a hand--or lips or other body parts traditionally reserved for photocopiers--with thermochromic color changes that mirror its shapely...

Thursday, July 4, 2013
$25.99 from Skreened »

Happy harsh dose of 4th of July reality! Aw come on, it's not so bad that Uncle Sam sees America celebrating its independence by launching bottle rockets out of beer bottles and butt cracks. We fought hard for this freedom...

Thursday, August 25, 2011
Discontinued

How many bobcats did this guy have to kill just for these rings? Who cares... it's worth it, because these are awesome. Great for punching people in the face and scaring off every woman that has a visual on you because......

Thursday, May 24, 2012

LEGO-themed firearm construction, per the LEGO Heavy Weapons builders' guide, may not be for children, but you know what is for children? LEGO-themed chores. Such as taking out the trash. And, in today's eco-conscious world...

Sunday, January 6, 2013
Discontinued

Finally, an accurate representation of the moon glowing in the dark. Notice how it isn't square-shaped or blazing all the colors of the rainbow like this alleged "Moonlight Pillow". According to Edward J.H. O, the man behind...

Wednesday, June 26, 2013
$345 from Etsy »

What is this world coming to when one can have not just an entire Star Wars-themed room, but an entire room themed after just the series' Millennium Falcon? Awesome. This world is coming to awesome. If you already have a Millennium...

Friday, September 23, 2011
$119.95 from Amazon »

All black and 8.5 inches from tip to tang... once you use this black instrument, you'll never go back to another. My wife has been begging me for one of these. I'm hesitant to oblige her for many reasons......

Sunday, September 23, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

TrekDesk. For if you're insanely efficient. Or always making excuses. If vertical treadmills and the monotony of conveyor belting aimlessly at the gym aren't your thing. If you have restless leg syndrome. If you are a complete...

Wednesday, November 23, 2011
$200 from Etsy »

A handmade, hand-dyed work of slumber and art that's stuffed with recycled quilts, lined with satin, and delivered to your door in 30 minutes or less. A scented model is currently in the works to increase the likelihood that...