A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

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Saturday, September 28, 2013
$0.99 from Blow Up Traffic »

I think I'm in love. Blow Up Traffic is an iPhone app that simulates setting fire to gridlocks or otherwise offensive individual vehicles that are driving like complete fucking morons, such as buses and Toyota Priuses. And...

Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Discontinued

Poor Thing. Someone lit him on fire and in the absence of a mouth, or thumb and forefinger that can reach the top of his wrist, it looks like he's doomed to burn. If you give him a few minutes I hear blood will start running...

Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Sold Out from Etsy »

The Goliathon is a formidable gun of the steampunk persuasion. An apocalyptic machination of copper, brass, and steel that harnesses the power of a full-size steam locomotive. A mammoth burly enough to annihilate an army of green pigs, and to make Nancy Grace shut the F up with a single round. The Goliathon is not, however, invincible. As its name suggests, this brutish darling of arms fanatics...

Thursday, November 21, 2013
$50 - $350 from Safe House USA »

Nothing screams wealth and class like marble flooring, marble countertops, marble statues, and marble-covered rolls in the hay. Here, Safe House USA gives buyers the option of going full mar-balls to the wall with their patterned...

Saturday, June 2, 2012
$159.99 from Amazon »

In these progressive times, more and more monsters are coming out from under the bed, and unabashedly scaring the bejeezus out of little kids and first time visitors to where the magic happens from right alongside it. The...

Monday, July 22, 2013
$8.49 from Amazon »

Previously, I didn't think it was possible for Luke to sound like any more of a dipshit when he spoke, but I bet throwing in some iambic pentameter will prove me wrong. Adoring fans, get your bookshelves and e-readers ready. William Shakespeare's Star Wars has landed, and you're about to experience Episode IV: A New Hope as you've never experienced it during your 9,478 experiences with it before....

Thursday, October 11, 2012
$425 from Etsy »

I'm imagining how much toxic air I could intake, and how many zombies I could Sucker Punch in this kick ass leather and aluminum Defender Gas Mask. Pretty sure the total is zero, but I'm going to look so damn cool getting...

Sunday, April 8, 2012
$760 from VITEOSHOWER »

The only thing better than a water shower cascading down from above is a water shower shooting up from below. Champions of bidets and enemas, you know what we're talking about, 'ey? And though the photos depict fancy frolicking...

Tuesday, January 31, 2012
$13.50 from Etsy »

Balrogs and horndogs beware! These gold-emblazoned ladies' hot shorts guard the Secret Fire and they will not avail your advances! Undies are American Apparel brand, and come in S, M & L. Check out the size guide photo prior...

Monday, April 22, 2013

Don't try to pretend like you don't want a 5x magnified, 13,000 pixel view of your earwax. The EarScope delivers a nearly perfect image of the Q-Tip zone to assist with cleaning or taking sick pleasure in watching a mountain...

Saturday, May 18, 2013
$21.95 from Amazon »

People from Maine sure know how to make cooking fun. These earthenware Snot-a-Mug egg separators are made by northeast coast artisans to disassociate whites from yolks such that they whimsically mimic a gruesome bodily function....

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Rebel knows you could stuff your smartphone in a waterproof pouch and enjoy its muffled sounds in the shower or by the pool. Or risk hooking it up to a speaker in the kitchen and sloshing suds and bloody chicken juice on it....

Tuesday, November 22, 2011
$169.99 from Infmetry »

It's the relationship and commitment hairshirt! Currently available in "Always" and "Marry me", Inner Message Rings are the perfect way to say, "If you really love me, you'll wear this ring that never stops gouging your flesh...

Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Discontinued

One thing I do every night is fall asleep on my couch watching TV. Usually I wake up around 1:30 a.m. and consider the option of relocating to my bed, but I think the last time I actually did this was November of 2010. However...

Sunday, January 13, 2013
$54 from Etsy »

Hand-sewn Yoda heads atop plush tan sweatshirts we will wear. Those of us who carry the Force will anyway. And with the Yoda Hoodies' slouchy front pockets, we'll even have a place to stuff it for safekeeping. Erin Maynard...

Friday, March 30, 2012
$185.99 from Amazon »

Is it sun-blazin', mosquito-laden, river-floatin', mountain-bikin', pop-a-tent-in-the woods season yet? Segue from winter into the months of the year that don't make people want to jump off highway overpasses with the terrifically...

Friday, June 22, 2012

Jolly Rogers, Hearts that say "Mom", Tweety Birds, sure they're gumball machine classics when it comes to temporary tattoos, but what about getting tatted out for 2 to 3 days in a design that expresses true individuality and...

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Club swingers...not to mention club chuckers and club smashers into the sides of golf carts...can all benefit from this SwingTIP and MobiCoach instruction combination. The SwingTIP, a Bluetooth-enabled motion sensor, attaches...

Saturday, May 19, 2012
$0.99 from iOSnoops »

A while back, Stephen Lippens started thinking that someone should make the old Flash game Pandemic for the iPhone. And then, despite having virtually no technical background or experience, he figured that someone may as well...

Saturday, July 13, 2013

A Hovercraft Golf Cart, say what? It's like country club meets Star Trek convention. Caddyshack meets Back to the Future. Rich people meets...things only rich people can afford....

Friday, July 12, 2013

Chuck Taylors have been around since 1917? Crap. Well I hope in 4 years Converse has a big party to celebrate its century of making my feet look awesome and, in honor of the occasion, gives away free shoes or maybe raises...

Thursday, January 31, 2013
$49.99 from Amazon »

Cool kids don't pack heat, they pack humidity. With the aid of any standard screw-top water bottle, the Air-O-Swiss Travel Ultrasonic humidifier will pump your hotel suite or Aunt Jan's spare bedroom full of revitalizing...

Saturday, April 27, 2013
$159.95 from Amazon »

Other solar powered chargers exist...I mean, I think they do. I use the power of my mind to charge my devices, so I don't exactly keep up. But from what I hear from the less psychically apt and electrically inclined, there...

Monday, February 11, 2013
$99 - $999 from DomeCandy »

What's this? A circa 1968 suitcase and a set of Sony speakers turned into a portable stereo? Aw, Granny, good job! You made a ghetto blaster! And I thought our Merle Haggard Mondays and Tupac Tuesdays couldn't get any better....

Friday, August 17, 2012
$18.99 from The Oatmeal Shop »

For those who claim to put Sriracha on everything, it's time to put your money where your mouth is. Introduce the rooster to the family jewels. Acquaint your two favorite hot cocks. Sriracha Boxer Briefs burn along backsides...

Monday, March 26, 2012
Discontinued

According to the Handbook for the Recently Deceased, the Beetlejuice Terrarium is an accurately-depicted scale model of the Maitland-Deetz estate, replete with fence posts, dirt driveway, the foreboding, Burton-esque tree...

Monday, October 24, 2011
$52 from Ebay »

It is not often we come across something so special and unique. Who knew today would be that day? I woke up this morning in a Chewbacco-less world. Now, today, I walk around with a new confidence in mankind. If collectively...

Wednesday, January 18, 2012
$185 from Amazon »

Do you believe in the power of the human mind? If you said yes, and you are not a Buddhist monk, yogi master, hypnotist, or cult leader, you probably also believe in The Force. But while belief in The Force is one thing, mastery...

Monday, December 17, 2012
$150 from Etsy »

It's paleontology, puzzle-solving, and ridiculously rad lawn ornament all rolled into one plasma cut steel assembly kit. This giant velociraptor skeleton arrives as 44, 11-gauge, 1/8" steel pieces begging to be the centerpiece...

Saturday, June 9, 2012
Discontinued

Male-female color coordination and style may not be Top 5 on the list of requisites for zombie slaying offensives, but side-by-side pink & black and yellow & black Zombie Stopper Gun Blades should look pretty sweet at Comic-Con...

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Say hello to my open-source, 18-foot-wide, 4,000-pound, 6-legged hydraulic little friend. His name's Stompy, and he is a gargantuan spideresque robot currently being built to tote humans, and crush the living bejeesus...

Saturday, July 27, 2013
Discontinued

By Cryos Illumination's definition, Function in flashlight form means a light output of up to 1600 lumens with endless, user-controlled variability in between. It means dual 1/4-20 tripod threads and a uniquely practical design....

Friday, November 2, 2012
$241.12 from Master of Malt »

The holidays. A season of (incredibly long and growing longer) buildup. Of personal reflection. Of getting comprehensively sloshed and drowning the sorrows generated by such a long flippin' buildup and the unhappy outcome...

Thursday, September 27, 2012
By: OMG Life

Just as we can never have too many paparazzi photos of female celebrities in short dresses with no underwear climbing out of their cars, it seems neither can we have too many ways in which to capture these riveting moments....

Sunday, January 5, 2014
$22.37 from Amazon »

Oh good, it's Billy the Puppet poised to nod and smirk at me all day long. That mouth doesn't actually move, does it? And that tricycle doesn't actually roll, does it? What are the odds that a bobblehead from Saw arrives as...

Saturday, August 17, 2013
$45.95 from Amazon »

I almost started crying when I saw the Yonanas maker of healthy ice cream. It's what I imagine laying eyes upon my first child for the first time will feel like, except where the ice cream maker evokes awe and undiluted joy...

Saturday, October 26, 2013
$69.99 - $72.99 from Amazon »

It's not quite as cool as toting a real Proton pack, and infinitely less cool than being the real Peter Venkman, but this Ghostbusters printed Venkman jacket is still better than a tan Russell Athletic zip-up from Target...

Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Sold Out from Etsy »

Uh, this one's for the ladies? When the toggle on the Han Solo in Carbonite switch plate is turned on, there will be no doubt Han Solo in Carbonite is turned on. I'm not sure how men--even the most devoted of Star Wars fans--will...

Wednesday, September 5, 2012
$23 from OPPO »

Oh man, I really hope dogs aren't smarter than we think they are. Does it get more humiliating than a Duckface Muzzle? Quack, an OPPO Japan bit of "You poor canine bastard" is a soft silicone dog muzzle available in yellow...

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Friday, November 16, 2012
$24.95 from Amazon »

Boy do I miss the days of my youth. The days of emerging victorious from head-butting battles with rhinoceroses, claiming their horns as trophies, and, after gnawing out the marrow inside, filling them with a thick black stout...

Friday, March 14, 2014
$65 - $100 from Stamp Yo Face! »

Haha, all dudes in a relationship are about to get the gift of a rubber couples' stamp. Every envelope, every paper lunch sack, every note to empty the dishwasher and fix the toilet and change the filter in the air conditioner...

Monday, November 5, 2012
$249.99 from Gizmine »

With this In-Home Fireworks Theater, you can now say, "Happy New Year!", "Happy Birthday, America!", and "Happy Sweet 16, spoiled brat with a rich daddy!" 365 days a year. From the comfort of your own living room, no less....

Saturday, August 10, 2013

According to the Choosatron, "as technology has advanced, so has the way we tell stories." I agree. Particularly with regard to online dating profiles in which all women are drama- and maintenance-free, and weigh the same...

Wednesday, August 17, 2011
$33 from Jet Pens »

There is nothing better than knowing you're writing down your daily to do list (probably the same damn stuff you wrote down the day before, and before that) with a superior writing instrument. And that's exactly what this...

Saturday, February 18, 2012
$9,650 - $10,795 from InboxFitness »

Monowheels, or monocycles--huge, single-track circus contraptions riders sit inside instead of on top of--have been around since the late 19th century, and were at one point proposed for use as a serious mode of transportation....

Thursday, August 15, 2013
$1,250 - $3,125 from Fun Furniture Collection »

Just in time for you to go to Burning Man and your offspring to stay home with a DIY heap of plywood and PDF instructions as a consolation prize: The VW Camper Bunk Bed! Its double stack of single mattress frames come as either...

Friday, October 18, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

I don't need a knuckle knife topped with a skull to prove I'm a fantasy master, just the sworn testimony of my ex-girlfriends. Come on ladies, tell them about the fiery passion of Igor the Dragon....

Monday, February 13, 2012
$199 from DNA 11 »

If you're a Double Helix Fan Club member, but can't make it to Japan to clone your face, and find the prospect of being mug-melded with your sister a little disturbing, check out this subtler artistic representation of your...

Thursday, March 6, 2014
$4.95 from Amazon »

I am the grandaddy master of the universe at separating eggs. If I do say so myself. I spent several hours learning how to perform this act of culinary prowess in 5th grade and...it's like riding a bike. I've never looked...

Tuesday, March 19, 2013
$79.90 from IQ Cubes »

I guess anyone who can solve the Roulette Wheel IQ Cube must be pretty smart. I feel pretty smart just for figuring out what it is based on the manufacturer's bold, caps, red-fonted, syntactically-challenged description of...

Sunday, October 27, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

Maker Archie McPhee says, "No one can be angry at you while you're wearing this latex Pug Mask." I don't know whether to scoff at and rebuttal that or just swallow the couple tablespoons of vomit the statement made me throw...

Friday, June 22, 2012
$84.95 from Etsy »

Holy crap, can you imagine how many cookies the Cookie Monster would eat if he were high? Possibly all the cookies in the world. Which in a way would be interesting to witness, but in a bigger way very sad, because then I...

Tuesday, March 6, 2012
$149 from Custom Made »

Your face on the wedding cake topper? Hell yeah! This is, after all your mother f'in' day, and for once, just once, everything damn well should be all about you! Oh, and whomever that person standing next to you in front of...

Thursday, February 28, 2013

I don't really need a V-shaped toaster and accompanying knife to facilitate PB&J assembly and consumption--my mama makes mine. Crunchy Peter Pan, seedless strawberry jam, two slices of pumpernickel (shut up, it's delicious)...

Wednesday, January 16, 2013
$169.99 from Amazon »

Now that NFL powerhouse and perennial Super Bowl favorites the Seattle Seahawks have been knocked out of the playoffs, I'm going to have to find something else to do from within the 6' radius surrounding my recliner. Hey...

Sunday, July 21, 2013
$2,830 - $5,990 from Peter Lynn Kites »

Aw dude. It's like the perplexing baby head masks meet the life-size blue whale kite meets the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man descending ominously upon the Ghostbusters gang, shit-eating grin plastered across its face. The Cherub...

Sunday, September 22, 2013
$3.76 from Amazon »

This 120 dB door stop alarm could be good for traveling I guess, but if all the mean-spirited friends and family members I know figured out I was using one to protect my bedroom from their snooping eyes and fingers, I can...

Thursday, January 17, 2013
By: Hapilabs

WARNING: Eating too fast leads to poor digestion and fatness. Well. HAPIfork sure has the Appeal to Fear propaganda technique down. Their marketing team must have studied under my grandma. That said, indigestion and fatness...

Saturday, March 10, 2012
$219.95 from Amazon »

The KettlePizza insert takes homely, mediocre 22.5" kettle grills, such as Webers and Stoks, and magically transforms them into flashy, gourmet, pseudo-woodfired pizza ovens capable of putting New York slices, Chicago deep...

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Suck it, chocolate bunnies! This Easter all the cool kiddies want chocolate craniums cast from real human skulls! OK, so how many comments of outrage am I going to get when I point out that partaking in a piece of dark chocolate...

Sunday, July 15, 2012
$575 from Etsy »

San Diego Comic-Con may be winding down, but the San Romero zombie apocalypse is just amping up. And if you're going to splice off heads and bifurcate torsos chainsaw-wielding-Juliet style when it gets here, you're gonna need...

Monday, November 12, 2012
Sold Out from Etsy »

For the dog: Italian greyhounds seem like fragile, sensitive creatures, so I'm going to let the fact that you're wearing a canine snowsuit with a 270-degree hood drawstringed tightly around your head in this photo slide without...

Tuesday, February 7, 2012
$9.99 from ThinkGeek »

Get ready for the uncontrollable "O" mouth, exhalations of fire, and streaming tears of blissful discomfort only a few Victoria's Secret models, and Bhut Jolokia, the world's hottest pepper, can extract from your otherwise...

Wednesday, December 11, 2013
$14.99 from NYC Taxi Calendar »

See, ladies, why waste time exacting revenge upon your ex-boyfriend when you could be spending it pursuing one of these hot transportation professionals as your new boyfriend? The 2014 NYC Taxi Drivers Beefcake Calendar is...

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Taylor Simpson accidentally plowed into a deer with his Knight XV while barreling through Poughkeepsie several months ago and felt so bad about it he swore off driving altogether and converted the slain buck's antlers into...

Monday, July 1, 2013
$200 from LotusGrill »

The LotusGrill, a compact, smokeless charcoal BBQ, is a perfect example of the type of gadget that makes me go, "How'd they do that?!" but really I'm not interested in an explanation if it requires more than 20 seconds of...

Sunday, April 7, 2013
$399.95 from Amazon »

I recently got an email from a fan that said, "I hate to be HOT." Hahahaha, get it? A fan that hates to be hot. Actually, I just noticed that hilarious pun after I wrote it. I really did get an email from someone telling me...

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline. Maybe so, Ron, but might I remind you what the studies show?...