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Tactical Beer Mug

Giveaway: Tactical Beer Mug

I don't always drink beer, but when I do I prefer it in a mug with an AR-15 carry handle and laser sight mounted to its mil-spec 1913 scope rails. Also, it better not be F'ing IPA. I hate that skunk piss. Those who are...

KFC Chicken Corsage

$20 from KFC »

A corsage with a big fat KFC fried chicken leg nestled in the center. That might be the one thing I'd consent to reliving high school for. Can you imagine how good promfuls of girls flailing chicken wrists on the dance...

3-String Electric Violin Guitar

$1,900 from Etsy »

Like the Nintendo controller coffee tables Charles Lushear handmakes CNC-machine-free from local California woods, Celantano Woodworks out of North Carolina works similar magic on their handmade, wood-based, "You dream...

Short Sleeve Weighted Training Shirt

$249.99 from Amazon »

Here's a way to make yourself way less comfortable, but way more badass while working out. The TITIN Force is a complete weighted compression system all tucked into a short sleeve shirt. It utilizes a 3-part hyper gravity...

Slothzilla Shower Curtain

$39.99 from Amazon »

So...I guess Slothzilla sounded better than King Sloth or Sloth Kong? Or maybe it's creators were just taking a page out of sloth the animal's own book and being lazy about fact checking their re-imaginations of iconic...

Cesium 133 - True Atomic Wristwatch

What's so special about an "atomic" wristwatch paradoxically struggling to work itself down from prototype sizes as big as the wearer's wrist? Well. In tracking time, it loses just 1 second every 1,000 years. Because...

Han Solo in Carbonite Rug

$49.99 - $69.99 from ThinkGeek »

Sure it's a cool novelty item to have in your family room or front entryway, plus embodies that which brings you the greatest joy in life (Star Wars), but do you really want to be the type of person who keeps Han Solo...

Mobile Device Seat-back Mount

$26.99 from Amazon »

The only redeeming qualities of being on an airplane are that I can guiltlessly spend 3 to 9 hours doing nothing but eating, getting drunk, and watching full seasons of Battlestar Galactica. However, this is also problematic...

Captain America Winter Soldier Jacket

$179 - $229 from Film Jackets »

While the Captain America Winter Soldier leather jacket doesn't exactly have the same presence as the Captain America motorcycle suit, in a way it's a much more practical investment because A) it's way cheaper, and B)...

Johammer J1 Electric Motorcycle

$32k - $35k from Johammer »

Why does being eco-friendly and emission-free always seem to translate to pastels and girly colors? I don't think the Austrian Johammer J1 electric motorcycle looks that bad in design structure or general aesthetics--no...

Gamebuino Arduino Game Console

$50 from Gamebuino »

Gamebuino. It's like Gameboy & Arduino's bambino. And it really is Aurelien Rodot's bambino. He came up with the idea for Gamebuino shortly after putting together a "quick and dirty" handheld console one weekend last...

Smokestack Outdoor Fire Pit

$1,750 from A+R Store »

Funny, the guy shown using the Smokestack outdoor fire pit is exactly the type of guy I'd imagine to be entirely incapable of using a Smokestack outdoor fire pit. Half-kneeling in a suit with a baby axe? I guess that...

Mary Jane Polystone Statue

$695 from Amazon »

I still can't believe they once let snaggletooth Kirsten Dunst play Mary Jane Watson. Sideshow Collectibles' statue would have made a better ultimate girl next door than she did just kneeling there silent and unmoving....

VinniBag Bottle Protector

$28 from Amazon »

VinniBag is the answer to the call of Fra-gee-lay. Case in point: one time, back when I had a sugar mama, I went to Chilean wine country and while going through customs upon returning to my homeland I watched a dude pick...

Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)

$239.99 from Amazon »

Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found...

Slice Ceramic Safety Cutter

$5.99 from Amazon »

Slice makes kinder, gentler tools in soothing hues to perform some of life's rigorous and thankless tasks. Such as opening boxes and impossibly-sealed packages. Hacking through shrink-wrap. Clipping coupons. At least...

SeV Sterling Store-Everything Jacket

$149.99 from ThinkGeek »

The Scottevest SeV Sterling jacket has 24 interior pockets. 24! That means it can hold my wallet (condoms), water bottle (lube), iPad (In Diana Jones and the Temple Poon DVD), sunglasses (vibrator), Bluetooth headset...

KettleClamp Adjustable Kettlebell

Sold Out from Amazon »

Turn your dumbbell into an even worse implement of corporal torture: a kettlebell! The adjustable KettleClamp secures to any size/weight of dumbbell, expanding its functionality to include the Russians' favorite way to...

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Chocolate Zombie Bunny

$9.99 from ThinkGeek »

The Chocolate Zombie Bunny is what happens when you make an April Fool's Joke that sends all the little zombies into a frenzy of Easter basket demands, and then off on a killing spree when they discover the punchline....

How to Poo on a Date

$8.56 from Amazon »

Now that I've learned How to Poo at Work, plus How to Pee with Morning Wood, it's time I overcome my next, and perhaps my greatest, hurdle in life: How to Poo on a Date. How do I poo on a date? I've often wondered. Obviously...

HAL Robot Suit - Next Generation Prototype

Japanese robotics company Cyberdyne began their Hybrid Assistive Limb, or HAL trials in 2012. A powered exoskeleton endeavoring to turn humans into cyborg-type robots, HAL has been tested largely in medical facilities...

Water Hammock

$23.98 from Amazon »

This is what I'm dreaming of. Swimming pool season. Lazing in a water hammock. Hot blondes in little black bikinis. (The brunette in the little white one isn't bad either.) Over the hump of winter now, I can see it. All...

Wine Bottle Thermometer

$5.99 from Amazon »

I drink all my wine on the rocks, so I don't really need a wine bottle thermometer, but if you're into the whole tradition and preservation and quality thing, maybe you'd like to slip this thermal readout cuff onto your...

Mouse Taxidermy Kit

$49.69 from Firebox.com »

I hate to throw out a perfectly good dead mouse. It just seems like an anti-climactic payoff for the money I spend on traps and cheese. I'm glad to hear the people of London agree. According to Firebox, mouse taxidermy...

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Nintendo Controller Coffee Table

Giveaway: Nintendo Controller Coffee Table

This Nintendo controller won't help you navigate Link through the dungeons of Hyrule, but it will help you navigate beer and Cheetos from knee level to your mouth. Enter to win a premium hardwood old school Nintendo controller...

Toroflux Kinetic Flow Toy

$19.95 from Amazon »

Don't be fooled into thinking the Toroflux kinetic sculpture is just some stupid bracelet-slinky-figuratively-one-dimensional-girl-and-baby toy like I was. Watch the video. Like, beyond the first 10 seconds when the dude...

Erik Buell Racing 1190RX Sportbike

$18,995 from Erik Buell Racing »

And I thought cheese curds and Heather Graham were the best things ever to come out of Wisconsin. From the humble city limits of East Troy, Erik Buell is releasing his first big production motorcycle under the Erik Buell...

A Game of Thrones: The Board Game

$44.10 from Amazon »

The 3-1/2-minute video tutorial of A Game of Thrones: The Board Game jasonobi uploaded to YouTube is one of the better user videos I've seen of this nature. He explains the extensive rules succinctly, plays the TV series'...

Turtle Shell Wireless Boombox

$99.95 from Amazon »

Though not yet skilled enough to earn itself Ninja status, the Turtle Shell Bluetooth speaker does amount to more than your average armored reptile. Shockproof, dust-proof, and water-resistant even through a heavy rain...

Man Hands

$25.58 from Amazon »

As Jerry taught us nearly 20 years ago, ain't nothing like a lady with feminine wiles from the neck up and Goliath-sized monstrosities from the wrist down to kill all desire we have to get her into bed. One look at ol'...

SpareOne Emergency Phone

$55.95 from Amazon »

Not so much emergency as in your smartphone's battery died in the middle of placing a midnight Dominoes order and you can't find your charger. More like emergency as in you've been snow camping on a mountain for 3 days...

Darth Vader Toaster

$44.99 from Big Bad Toy Store »

Big Bad Toy Store says nothing--nothing!--about its forthcoming breakfast game changer, the Darth Vader Toaster, except this:...

Eye of Sauron Desk Lamp

$299.99 from ThinkGeek »

I'm getting this lamp and putting it on my desk with a Krispy Kreme donut or a piece of gooey butter cake in the spotlight's dead center. It will be the first time ever some a-hole doesn't steal my food at work. Because...

9-1/2-Foot Remote Controlled Bald Eagle

$499.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

The bald eagle. The symbol of American freedom soaring majestically through the air. It's magical. Stirring. Glorious. It's...uh, it's flying kind of low. It's--holy crap! It's about to T-bone that tree! Cornelius, you...

Zipstrip Herb Stripper

$7.63 from Amazon »

I question this Zipstrip's ability to zippily strip cilantro stalks, which is pretty much the only (culinary) herb I'm aware of that doesn't make me want to sneeze and vomit simultaneously, but if you like rosemary, thyme...

Reloadable Confetti High Fives

$9.95 from Fiesta Five »

Did you know that National High Five Day is just 2 weeks away? Wait, let me back up. Did you know there exists such a thing as National High Five Day? It's the third Thursday of every April, or for our purposes, April...

NERF Nuke

$99.99 from ThinkGeek »

Though we've long since entered the nuclear age, NERF has always inexplicably resisted foamifying the most powerful bomb in the world into a play toy for children. That is, until now. Dribble your drool upon the NERF...

Wookiee Cookies: A Star Wars Cookbook

$11.29 from Amazon »

All I have to say is Wookiee Cookies better just be a treat Wookiees love and not a treat Wookiees are...you know...baked into. I don't need Chewie ginger snaps describing anything but the texture of my favorite after-work...

Amazon Fire TV Streaming Media Player

Sold Out from Amazon »

At first I wasn't sure if it was a good idea for Amazon to spend 42 seconds of its 60-second Fire TV video promo filming Gary Busey talking to his lamp, his pants, and his living room dinner bell, but in the end I had...

20-Pound Chocolate Lionel Richie Head

$833.19 from Firebox.com »

I didn't think there could be anything better than having a hot chick sculpt an enormous model of my head out of clay, but...Hello! Chocolate beats mud any day. Lionel Richie. You lucky bastard....

Inceptor - The Game of Your Dreams

$49 - $99 from Pilot Study »

Grab your totem, but be forewarned: Inceptor the board game has as many layers as the Inception film it stemmed from. If you play it in subdued lighting with Hans Zimmer's soundtrack blaring through some surround-sound...

Flip On/Off Alarm Clock

$42 - $49 from Amazon »

I see how the ease of just tossing a blaring alarm clock on its head to turn it off could be very dangerous for some people. If you don't have to work for the deactivation--dig for a minuscule button, chase a rolling...

Carbon Fiber Toilet Seat

$299.95 from Carbon Fiber Gear »

A gold toilet seat: ostentatious. Indulgent. Ridiculous. A carbon fiber toilet seat: inconspicuous. Practical. Awesome. It's not an extravagance, it's...it's...well, I mean you need a toilet seat, right? And you need...

The Fuzzbuster II

 

I know most of you have heard of a radar detector*. Possibly you've used one before. Maybe you've even tried the original Fuzzbuster. But whether or not you're aware of how life (and wallet and license points) saving...

Hippopotamus Lawn Ornaments

$55.85 - $79.81 from Etsy »

This is possibly the only lawn ornament that could increase both your property value and your popularity with the neighbors. Brit Martin Pool creates his hippopotamus garden sculptures in Daddy and Jr. sizes, and has...

Infant Circumcision Trainer

$192 from Amazon »

Expecting parents who want to trim the fat from ever-rising hospital bills now have the option to save over $2,000 if they are willing to trim the skin from their newborn sons. Created by Ezra Messer, a mohel with more...

Ticket to Ride Board Game

$39.99 from Amazon »

One of the most popular specialty games of all time, the #2 bestselling board game on Amazon, an average 5 out of 5 stars in over 1,300 reviews, and I've never even heard of Ticket to Ride. Where have I been living, in...

Dragon Sink Faucet

$43 from Amazon »

I can hardly stand the anticipation. Game of Thrones. Season 4. Less than a week away. I might pee my pants. Hey! Someone turn off that dragon sink faucet! It's not helping my continence! Hey, wait...a dragon sink faucet?...