A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

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Tuesday, February 12, 2013
$24 - $39 from Voy Voy »

This yuppy East Coast trend baffles me. But VoyVoy built-in pocket square T-shirts constitute one I could support without feeling like a pretentious tool. Because unlike numerous layered Polos with their collars up, pocket...

Thursday, January 24, 2013
Discontinued

If you thought the famously-reviewed Amazon Banana Slicer was the lone solution to your banana-cutting predicament, have I got a 22", tropical-fruit-whacking guillotine for you. Though originally used to decapitate humans...

Tuesday, October 8, 2013
$8.99 - $36 from Get Up and Go »

Get Up and Go baked goods advertise their delivery of caffeine without the coffee. Having consumed several...in the past 11 minutes...I would advertise that, even better, they jack up my motivation and focus without the puckered, just-drank-a-glass-of-ass face I make after downing most energy drinks. Unfortunately, the brownies, blondies, cookies, muffins, and granola are also offensively delicious...

Wednesday, August 8, 2012
$104.42 from Black Milk Clothing »

Out of this world? How about out of this Whoniverse? Black Milk Clothing's James Lillis ups the ante once again with the Who Dress, a TARDIS homage that would probably make the eyes and jaw of the Eleventh Doctor himself go...

Monday, July 22, 2013
$14.95 - $59.95 from CeramiPro »

The way it usually goes with knives is that they either cost a lot or they suck. (Note: both varieties seem to be equally capable of gashing through my finger such that I require stitches and a tetanus shot.) CeramiPro's Phantom...

Monday, October 29, 2012
$60 from eton »

You know what kids these days need? Manual labor. Because they're lazy. Also, cellphone battery backups. Because they're irresponsible. Also, greasy, acne-ridden pubescent teen years. Because they're a bunch of little narcissists. Well, Eton's BoostTurbine2000, a backup battery with a hand turbine power generator, can fill two of these character-building requisites for our youth. And anyone else...

Monday, June 10, 2013
$38 from The Fowndry »

I wonder if the birds who enter the Death Star birdhouse ever come out. If not, I wish it were a residence for those of the feline persuasion. Or better, I hope the birds do come out alive, but with mutated laser eyes so they...

Friday, January 20, 2012
Discontinued

When zombies get to your neighborhood Voodoo priest, everyone wins! Sure, he's going to inhale the amygdalas directly from the heads of your loved ones, but as a reward for your assistance and cooperation, he'll convert their...

Friday, March 15, 2013
$52.25 from Palomar »

Felt wall maps of Amsterdam, Berlin, London, New York, and Paris for people who live in or have visited or just sorta like the idea of Amsterdam, Berlin, London, New York, and Paris. All come with 15 push pins for marking...

Friday, August 26, 2011

Some evil genius has taken portraits of siblings and fused them together into one person. The result? Creepy, often androgynous portraits of people I'll surely be seeing in my nightmares tonight....

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Monday, May 27, 2013
$12.98 - $63.99 from Amazon »

On the one hand, a sippy wine glass is really dumb. But on the other, it is kind of useful, as wine is very easy to knock over or dribble on your brand new Wool & Prince button-up when someone tells one of the funniest jokes...

Saturday, December 29, 2012
$325 - $425 from Roxy Russell Design »

I got stung by a jellyfish once in the evil waters of Florida's Gulf Coast. On the ankle. Yeah, the stories are true. It hurts like a mother. I don't know how Will Smith did it in Seven Pounds, aka The Saddest Movie Ever Made...

Sunday, May 6, 2012
$89 from littleBits »

In a gross affront to smartphones, GPS devices, and certain anatomical organs, littleBits has declared that we as a society should return to the days of using our brains to do our thinking. The simple, space-sensitive blocks--similar...

Thursday, November 14, 2013
$59.99 from Amazon »

Hikaru Sulu: master of botany. Of gymnastics. Of ancient weaponry. Of advanced starship manipulation. And now, of perfume. The logical next step. Excelsior! Onward and upward!...

Monday, June 3, 2013
By: Behance

One of the first things you learn at Carulla Cooking School in Bogota, Colombia is how to use a knife. That's after you learn one of the first things you learn in Bogota, Colombia, which is how to use a gun (and where to buy...

Wednesday, September 5, 2012
$24.99 from ThinkGeek »

Who better to scrape the 8 inches of snow and half-inch screen of mother f'in ice off your windshield this winter than the abominable snowman himself? Or at least his severed limb. Slide on the Wampa Ice Scraper Mitt, and...

Sunday, January 13, 2013
$12 - $22 from CRL Products »

Never one to pass up the opportunity to protect myself or promote hearing loss, I think I'll take a Cybernetic Research Labs Tactical Whistle in every color. I'll give the pink one to the next girl I ask out as assurance that...

Tuesday, March 20, 2012
$7.13 from Amazon »

There is a detailed scientific explanation for why otherwise-translucent Tekno Bubbles glow majestic blues and golds under the phosphorescent umbrella of a black light, but we were so Svengalied by the pretty colors we forgot...

Tuesday, January 15, 2013
$5.69 from Amazon »

LEGO Minifigure ice cubes and chocolates: cool. But how about LEGO Minifigure pads of butter? LEGO Minifigure Jell-O shots? LEGO Minifigure frozen Pedialyte for sick kiddos? The possibilities for transcending all previous...

Thursday, May 2, 2013
$2,900 from Etsy »

The steampunk Nintendo controller coffee table isn't fully-functional like other versions of Charles Lushear's take on the iconic gaming system, but on the bright side, this means it is less likely to get broken during heated...

Friday, March 2, 2012
$299.99 from Amazon »

This App-Controlled Quadricopter is kind of like a high-def flight simulator, except when you crash and burn, the propellered apparatus you're flying gets destroyed in real life too. Meet the Parrot AR.Drone 2.0, powered and...

Saturday, September 15, 2012
$7 from 604 Republic »

About. Damn. Time. I hate this little prick. I could throw darts at Joffrey Baratheon's face all day long. I mean, I could shoot at it too, but my aim isn't so hot, and it would be a bummer to miss and hit someone I don't...

Tuesday, October 2, 2012
$60 from 80stees.com »

They call the Optimus Prime Hoodie a costume, but come on. I would rock that shizit out any day of the year. Particularly days when I feel like spontaneously transforming into a brave and wise leader of robots (with accompanying...

Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

I don't know how practical zooming through the terminal atop my scooter-fitted carry-on would be in LAX or ATL, but the next time I get delayed by a snowstorm in Des Moines, drag racing with the courtesy transporters is on....

Saturday, September 29, 2012
$24.56 from Amazon »

Ho. Ly. Balls. Does anyone have some Glow-in-the-Dark Toilet Paper, because I think I just crapped my pants. If one twisted, dagger-toothed, Joker-on-acid clown mask isn't enough for you this Halloween, how about a conjoined...

Tuesday, October 30, 2012
$189.95 from Montie Gear »

Joerg Sprave is a force to be reckoned with in the world of slingshots. Much like I am a force to be reckoned with in the world of soft-serve ice cream consumption. His high-performance GloveShot incorporates a hand brace...

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Downgraded in size, upgraded in awesomeness. These J3SIM Professional Racing Simulators have been tailored for both race centers and home use to give drivers the the same adrenaline explosion and propensity to projectile vomit...

Monday, September 26, 2011
Discontinued

Available individually (for $20) or in this set of four, these prints depict some of your favorite Star Wars characters as children. Each print is 12x12 inches with a semi-gloss finish. Great for Star Wars fans... obviously....

Tuesday, December 6, 2011
$199.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

This "casually" posed inflatable snowman certainly makes a statement "lounging" in your pristine front lawn. And that statement is that two gay guys live here. Five internal lights illuminate the snowman, making him look as...

Thursday, July 12, 2012
Sold Out from Etsy »

Pow! Kaboom! SHAZAAAM! It's Marvel superheroes defending boobs from evil sag and boring flesh-colored polyester. If you liked the Glow-in-the-Dark Batman Underwear Set, take a quick eyeball stroll through Megan Elizabeth's...

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

As digitial artist and iPoo creator, Milos Paripovic, so eloquently puts it: If you look at a toilet and see the Apple logo, that's commentary on your psyche, not his design. This silver spectacle was lovingly contoured to...

Thursday, August 2, 2012
$18.99 - $36 from Amazon »

This ain't no Pooh Bear honey. Fortified with freshly chopped habanero peppers, the meaty smoke of a hot grill, and a subtle dose of bee nectar, Honey Badger BBQ Sauce will grab you by the nuts, make you lick the sun, and...

Monday, September 5, 2011
$495 from Amazon »

Every detail is authentic, richly realistic and true to the Academy Award winning epic film. The board is a magnificent work of art, detailing the story of Frodo, the reluctant hero of The Shire, and the friends and foes he...

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Tuesday, April 2, 2013
$129.99 - $149.99 from STACT »

Any wall-mounted apparatus that holds the juice of the gods and resembles the Pachinko game from The Price Is Right earns high marks on my scrutinizing scorecard of things I encounter in life. Fabricated from aircraft-grade...

Saturday, August 11, 2012
$4,185.48 from Amazon »

I feel the need, the need for...Maverick and Goose. Projected 9' feet tall onto a giant inflatable movie screen in my backyard. The CineBox Backyard Theater System beams movies, recorded concerts, video games, and Monday Night...

Monday, July 1, 2013
$399.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

Fact: no one wants robots to take our jobs. Fact also: but it wouldn't be so bad if they took our jobs that are household chores that we do not enjoy. Winbot, a window washing robot, does for glass cleanliness what Sonte app-controlled...

Friday, February 15, 2013
$225 from Minor Asset »

Table Lamp 3. That's a nice secret code phrase for lightsaber, Andrew Haarsager. No one would ever suspect your true intentions of arming people with phosphorescent vectors of power primed to splice through space and unprotected...

Friday, September 16, 2011
$20.95 from 604 Republic »

Bert and Ernie, long suspected of being gay (or bi at least) make their first appearance as zombies... as depicted on this t-shirt, and still fail to quell rumors of their questionable heterosexuality. That's why the duck...

Wednesday, August 31, 2011
$19.10 from Amazon »

Let's face it, even though we're adults now (sort of), we're still very damn scared a little bit scared of the dark. Rather than walk this path alone, why not carry a known Jedi weapon at your side? It provides a sense of...

Tuesday, September 6, 2011
$350 from Etsy »

The iRetrofone Base is a fully-functional, stationary iPhone dock with working handset and complete compatibility with USB cable. Each individual iRetrofone is hand-sculpted and hand-cast in urethane resin. Designed to be...

Sunday, April 21, 2013
$8.99 from Amazon »

Why did the Haircut Umbrella choose for its product model a kid who looks like he has been knocked cross-eyed by the schoolmates who rammed his head through a rain blocker, with its ability to catch flyaway hair clippings...

Friday, October 28, 2011
Sold Out from Amazon »

The long-awaited cross between an electronic cigarette and an asthmatic's inhaler has arrived! In 6 to 8 puffs, Aeroshot injects 100 mg of caffeine--the equivalent of one large cup of coffee--into your bloodstream. No more...

Friday, July 6, 2012
$9.95 from Cool Material »

By the dawn's early light I sit toiling to put together a sharp, informative, borderline offensive--though mostly to people I don't really care about offending--description of this Shit I Gotta Fucking Get Done Notebook, and...

Wednesday, June 12, 2013
$29.99 from Amazon »

Could we get these Mermaid Swim Fins in a color other than powder pink, please? Because I would maybe like to wear one. Also, could we get some females over the age of 18 to model them, please? Because I would maybe like to...

Friday, July 27, 2012
$375 from Etsy »

The Patriot Mask is one of my favorite masks that I have created. Oh. I guess I should put quotes around or italicize that statement since it was said by the person who isn't me who actually created it. Leather artist El Vaquero...

Thursday, January 31, 2013
$24.99 - $37.99 from Amazon »

Just one question: how did Romney as the Ronmy make it into this set of Presidential Monster Action Figures? Some wishful thinker jump the gun on production? Because if we're throwing in any old yayhoo just for running, how's...

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Well, there's no beating my Balls. They're made from a secret Schweddy Family recipe. No one can resist my Schweddy Balls. The classic SNL skit comes to life in the form of delicious schweddy balls ice cream. Mmmm.... I can...

Wednesday, August 21, 2013
$26 from Amazon »

Add a pot-bellied weightlifter to the long and distinguished list of accessories available to facilitate man's wiping of his ass. Mr T heaves overhead a barbell stacked with toilet paper both to inspire us while on the john...

Tuesday, July 16, 2013
$39.99 from Amazon »

I enjoy cooking over an open flame, but hovering over an open flame with my delicate body and luscious, flowing locks? Not so much. Bob-A-Cue is a portable campfire grill whose name would be much cooler if it's surface were...

Wednesday, April 4, 2012
$2,195 - $2,895 from Etsy »

Mini gangstaz, flower children, and future ice cream truck drivers of America can dream of what their licenses may one day bring while snuggled into and drooling all over these handcrafted twin beds. The Hummer H2 behemoth...

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Rub-a-dub-dub meets Rawwwr, I'll eat your face! in Dutch designer Wieki Somers' Viking-inspired cleansing vessel. If St. Olaf ever bathed, this rich and tasteful tub is where he would do it. Made of oak and red cedar, and...

Thursday, August 1, 2013
$8.49 from Amazon »

Oh balls. I mean, oh geometric block shapes. Now even drinking my morning coffee is going to turn into an exercise in quick critical thinking and spatial recognition. At least it appears that heat from the liquid poured into...

Friday, October 7, 2011
$30 from SUCK UK »

Everyone suspects that their cat is a pretty decent DJ. But does your cat have what it takes to spin at the big Vegas venues? Could he host a Kardashian party.... the ultimate gig? Don't just throw him directly into the mix....

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Wondering what time it is? Wondering if your face is about to melt off? This tactical Swiss quartz watch with an integrated Geiger-Muller tube has your back. A US military gadget supplier designed the timepiece to measure...

Friday, September 27, 2013
$36.99 - $43.99 from Amazon »

The smooshy shark or the poofy puppy: I don't know which is more adorable, and therefore most responsible for my urge to slap it in the face. Can any woman look at this dog without longing to hold it in her arms? Can any man...

Tuesday, May 15, 2012
$15.93 from Amazon »

The Complete Manual of Things That Might Kill You: A Guide to Self-Diagnosis for Hypochondriacs livens up our inevitable march towards death. I love talking about my health almost as much as other people love hearing about...

Thursday, October 3, 2013
$28.48 from Amazon »

If I tried to plant carrot and radish and whatever that third thing is seeds in some dirt behind a transparent sheet of acrylic probably what I would end up with is a pile of dirt behind a transparent sheet of acrylic. But...

Saturday, January 28, 2012
$85 from Etsy »

What woman wouldn't want a gift that reminds her both of her domestic duties and the George Lucas empire you eat, breathe, and talk about nonstop? R2D2 apron = Valentine's Day, solved. The newest addition to the Haute Mess...

Wednesday, July 17, 2013
$19.99 from Crranky »

Hey dude, what's that? Oh, it's a wickedly sharp and pointy self defense tool with devil horns that doubles as a bottle opener and also as a can impaler for shotgunning. Sweeeet! What's it called? The Immpy. The Wimpy? That's...

Friday, January 20, 2012
Sold Out from Etsy »

Best friend relationships are difficult. It seems there always has to be a leader and a follower. How these roles are formed is a question best left to someone other then me. But these two, pee and poo, seem to have it figured...

Thursday, November 14, 2013
$129 from CB2 »

I'll be gnome for Christmas. You can count on me. Please have snow and di-i-sco, and heavy techno beats. Ahh, even better than a zombie or Scarface gnome to station in my garden is a mirror ball gnome to hang from my ceiling....

Thursday, February 27, 2014
$48.59 from Amazon »

Seeing this handle-mount grill light reminds how much it blows when I leave the bar plastered at 2:30 a.m. and can't get a brat with sauerkraut and cream cheese from the hot dog vendor because he's out or has refused me service...

Sunday, February 3, 2013
$99 from Securifi »

Almond+ precursor Almond (no mathematical symbol) currently holds the number one wireless router position on Amazon in terms of sales, customer reviews, and total gigabytes rushed in a single season of fantasy football. Its...

Friday, September 27, 2013
$149.99 from Amazon »

I feel like this steel mesh ball should contain, like, a set of conjoined twin brothers on motorcycles, not just a pile of logs and flames. No worries, though. I'm sure the Ball of Fire can go from outdoor fireplace to Globe...

Friday, October 5, 2012
Sold Out from Etsy »

Given the popularity and loyal following of our last Arkham Harley Quinn costume, I admittedly questioned whether or not there was room for another. And after much deliberation, and approximately 72 minutes of gazing at both...

Monday, June 11, 2012

According to The Map of United States Breweries, Americans have over seven square feet of wall-coverin' love for beer. In fact, I think the nickname "America's Favorite Pastime" was given to baseball, a sport during which...

Sunday, September 9, 2012
$130.78 from Amazon »

WORX's JawSaw endeavors to make limbing and trimming efforts--which help the arrival of fall suck even more--slightly less of a pain in the ass. Part pruner, part chainsaw, the JawSaw's extendable handle and electrical powering...

Friday, December 23, 2011

Although not quite running true to the movie in substance, in look and feel, this Fight Club bar of soap replica has it nailed. Claiming to be made from electrolytes, caffeine and "punching" it looks like it will smell (and...