Bodice Rocker - Pop-Up Lounger

Weebles wobble but they don't fall down, and Bodice Rockers fall down but they get right back up and stand just as tall as they did before. So I guess they're more similar to Rocky Balboa than Weebles. But they're not...

Talking Ron Burgundy Action Figure

Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline. Maybe so, Ron, but might I remind you what the studies show?...

Triposo Vibrating Navigation Belt

Discontinued

The more I think about the Triposo Travel Belt, a belt that connects to smartphones' Triposo navigation apps and vibrates on the left, right, front, or back of the body to indicate the direction the wearer is meant to...

Dish Whiskey

$16 from archer »

I'm not sure if a soap that smells of barrel-aged, charcoal-filtered whiskey will inspire me to do the dishes more often, but it will probably inspire me to to do that tie-dye lava milk experiment catalyzed by dish soap...

Powered Nail Trimmer

Battery-operated nail trimmer, um, no thank you, sir. Actually, my heart is pounding so fast and the knot snowballing in my stomach growing so large right now, I can't even muster the pleasantries. I'm just going to go...

Speed Chute - Resistance Training Parachute

$29.99 from Amazon »

What would be cool is if I could use SKLZ's Speed Chute to run from my mama's front entry vestibule, down the hall, through the living room, out the sliding doors, and off the back deck, and then float peacefully and...

Nibble Cake Pan

$19.99 from ThinkGeek »

Unless you're a complete tool, it's pretty hard to F up a cake mix. However, if you're attempting to bake a cake from scratch in an effort to show the apple of your eye how much you care/should get laid with an introductory...

$100 3D Printer

$97 - $389 from Peachy Printer »

At $100, the Peachy Printer appears to hold the current title of World's Least Expensive 3D printer. And that's $100 Canadian, so it's even less than 3 digits if you live in the US or Euroland. That said, what the plus-or-minus...

Boost Natural Energy - Oxygen in a Can

$10.38 from Amazon »

So they're selling air. And not even the far-out air that's been solidified into Aerogel, or the air sucked up by Mega Maid and officially licensed by Spaceball One, just plain old gaseous oxygen. In a can. Oh it's a...

One Size Fits All Toilet Seat

If you're elderly, overweight, pregnant, and suffering from irritable bowel syndrome, the Adjustable Advantage Toilet Seat was designed just for you! As a matter of fact, if any single one of the above descriptors applies...

Giant Lobster Hand Claws

$34.95 from Archie McPhee »

I believe all children with no existing physical or mental impairments who think they're hot little shits should be required to wear these giant lobster claws on their hands for a day to learn how it feels to be different...

Door Stop Alarm

$7.58 from Amazon »

This 120 dB door stop alarm could be good for traveling I guess, but if all the mean-spirited friends and family members I know figured out I was using one to protect my bedroom from their snooping eyes and fingers, I...

Levitron Lamps

$119.93 - $149.95 from Amazon »

When I was 8 or so my family got one of those tactile floor lamps for the living room. Touch it once to light it, twice to make it brighter, thrice to illuminate all, and four times to return the world to darkness. It...

Bizarro Fiction

$6.95 - $15.95 from Amazon »

Bizarro fiction author Cameron Pierce has won awards for his fantastical, trippy, borderline psychotic tales of what life could be like if we all made better use of our imaginations, and consumed many, many tabs of acid....

Bane Motorcycle Jacket

$580 from UD Replicas »

If you prefer to be the villain, hold a special place in your heart for Bane and his anesthetic tarantula-mouth mask, or just don't feel ballsy enough to wear the molded leather chest plate, gauntlets, and butt huggers...

Zip Tie

For anyone too hip, too lazy, or too caffeinated to tie a standard model, the Zip Tie provides an aesthetic and functional twist...or, rather, removal of the twist...on classic men's business wear. Slip your dome through...

Star Wars Lightsaber Thumb Wrestling

$9.92 from Amazon »

How do you declare a thumb war in Wookieespeak? Yeah, that's right, 1, 2, 3, Raaawwwrrr! Time to suit up, buckle down, and probably tie one on, Cornelius, because I challenge you to a lightsaber duel. From the knuckles...

Float Levitating Table

$10k - $20k from Rock Paper Robot »

Oh holy balls, it's a Rubik's Cube with the structural integrity of a marshmallow. In laymen's terms. In technical terms, the Float table is "a matrix of 'magnetized' wooden cubes that levitate with respect to one another."...

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Magic Billet Boxes

$50 - $240 from Magic Billet Box »

A Magic Billet represents the assembly of solid, aircraft-grade aluminum and a magnetic locking system. Together, these outstanding components surreptitiously store my stash. Of gum. I have to hide it, you know. Ever...

Warplane Propeller Ceiling Fan

$271.80 from Amazon »

This warplane ceiling fan reminds me that I hate ceiling fans. For two reasons. First, once they're on it takes me 10 minutes to figure out how many times I have to pull the GD cord to turn them off. Click. It's slowing...

Phonebloks - Modular Cell Phones

Dave Hakkens has the perfect cell phone for you. Or rather, he has a Santa Claus sack of bloks you can use to build the perfect cell phone for you. It's called Phoneblok. It's genius. For as many reasons as bloks comprising...

VacuVita Food Preservation System

$149 - $179 from VacuVita »

VacuVita is a vacuum-powered food preservation system that sets itself apart by not requiring the purchase and use of special plastic bags that shrivel up around their contents and make all food look like animal intestines....

Mirror 180

$279 from GNR 8 »

The Mirror 180's joined splices allow it to tilt and reposition such that it reflects many a splendid thing. Namely, a more comprehensive view of me. One half of the mirror angles into 3 different positions, suiting a...

Settlers of Catan Socks

$14 from Beta Brand »

Betabrand's first production of Socks of Catan sold out in less than a week. So now would-be settlers of the feet sheaths must roll 7s until those who bought the socks by the dozen are forced to give back enough to replenish...

Invisible Glove Protective Hand Coating

$3.69 from Amazon »

My immediate impression is that applying BlueMagic Invisible Glove to my hands would feel like covering them in a thin layer of Elmer's Glue. That thought gives me the willies and makes me want to vomit. Maybe the Invisible...

Life-Size Stormtrooper Action Figure

$2,299.99 from Entertainment Earth »

My life-size Iron Man statue needs a buddy. Or a nemesis so I can choreograph elaborate sparring bouts for the two of them in my head. Or how about Tony Stark can be my super-ego and this 6' tall stormtrooper my id, and...

12-Foot Inflatable Animated Spider

$199.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

I don't know if I should be more afraid that this 12-foot-tall inflatable spider will bite me or force me to listen to it sing Broadway showtunes. It looks like Elvira mixed with Ursula the sea witch mixed with one of...

LED Dome Light Beanie

Sold Out from Amazon »

Athletic apparel brand Nathan's Dome Light beanie has a strip of LEDs on both its front and back sides so that other people can watch where I'm going and get out of my way. Because when dusk falls I'm usually otherwise...

Dragon Hoodie

$447 from Canada Cosplay »

I like it when objects can wholly encompass their descriptors both literally and figuratively. For example, previously dragons were hot due solely to their deadly breath of fire. But then Canada Cosplay decided to turn...

eleMMent Palazzo Land Yacht

$3 million from Marchi Mobile »

DeLoreans set the standard and all, but if I had to travel to and from the future today, I'd want to hit the space-time continuum in equal parts comfort, class, and automatic liftable flybridge lounge that self-converts...

Soup Sticks - Chopstick/Straw Combo

Not that I won't still slop flecks of Pho juice all over myself while eating the noodles, but at least Soup Sticks will eliminate the liquid deluge I incur when I've consumed all of its chunky bits and move to drink straight...

Patrol Ultralight Concept Aircraft

Impressively, Russian industrial designer Ekaterina Dekhtyarenko went from creating a stylized egg holder to conceptualizing and rendering a complete manned vehicle of flight (OK, she did do a hang-glider along the way...

X-Rated Fortune Cookies

Sold Out from Amazon »

Every time you masturbate, God chokes a kitten. I don't know if that bit of wisdom can be found in this Chinese to-go container of of X-Rated Fortune Cookies, but it should be a staple. Get your hands out of your pants...

Bosse Ergonomic Shovels

$79 from Bosse Tools »

I'm not sure I approve of the Bosse Tools ethos. An ergonomic shovel for driving through dirt and clearing snow that precludes its users from walking away from the grunt work with tweaked backs, sore wrists, and gimp...

Concrete Wrist Watch

$399 from GSelect »

My 5th grade teacher often asked me if my head was filled with concrete, and at the time I got the sense it was an insult, but now that I see the beatific masterpiece that is 22 Design Studio's 4th Dimension Concrete...

Insulated Mug with Temperature Display

$23.99 from Amazon »

In these troubled and litigious times, it's just not realistic to expect people to determine whether a drink is hot or cold by tasting it. Also, the world loves LED technology. And hearts. Putting hearts on things is...

Paperback - iPhone Post-It Notes

$7.95 from I Love Handles »

Although I recently made the astute observation that no one uses pens to write things down anymore, now that these Paperback sticky notes will allow us to merge ink with our iPhones, it's possible some people will reacquire...

Pretentious Beer Glasses

$171 from Etsy »

A set of 5 beer glasses, each of which has been crafted explicitly to cater to the nuances of a particular style of beer, is kind of pretentious and off-putting, right? But what if the set also came with a sense of self-awareness...

Get in the Kitchen Bit@hes Cookbooks & Rubs

$7.99 - $14.95 from Bit@h Cooks »

I could never match skills, and for once am not even going to try to match wits, with Jason Bailin. Bailin is a man who endeavors to transplant other men from Chinese takeout vestibules to the kitchen by way of tough...

Towel Warmer

$101.99 from Amazon »

Pshhh. I don't need no stinkin' towel warmer. What am I, some kind of frageelay flower of a man who can't take a little cold air against his balls stepping out of the shower? Now I need a heated towel to protect my body...

Lubricheck Engine Oil Tester & Analyzer

$49.95 from Amazon »

I always thought my car required an oil change every 3,000 to 5,000 miles out of necessity, but according to Lubricheck, I shell out my precious duos of Andrew Jackson, 7th President of the United States and fellow Pisces...

Shine 24K Gold Rolling Papers

$50.49 from Amazon »

Shine and its 24K Gold rolling papers add a new action to the ever-growing list of Things You Can Do with Gold. Currently populated by: 1) Eat it; 2) Shit it; and 3) Buy expensive things with it, stoners and recreational...

Finger Soap

Sometimes people make things such as cookies that are supposed to look like fingers, and sometimes I see a carrot or parsnip in the store that sort of looks like a gnarled witch finger, but never before this set of finger...

Heavy Doody #2 Odor Eliminator

$11.95 from Amazon »

Heavy Doody cannot hide the fact that I washed down 3 bowls of Honey Badger BBQ chili with one of those German hefeweizens that tastes like bananas, or that I've been in the bathroom for 18 minutes, or the sounds I am...

POLAR Modular Magnet Pen

Sold Out from Amazon »

POLAR. It's a pen. It's a stylus. It's a tool. It's a toy. And it won't even F up your phone and credit cards*! The modular writing implement, made of 12 cylindrical neodymium magnets stacked over a Pilot ink cartridge...

Vornado Super Fan

$99.99 from Amazon »

I don't know why Vornado needs four words--Whole Room Air Circulator--to describe what I can sum up in two: Super Fan. Truly. I've had many occasions on which to use one of these compact wind makers, namely any time my...

Zombie Lawn Flamingo

$9.99 from Amazon »

On the one hand, it's almost time to decorate for Halloween, so a zombie lawn flamingo would be a very wise purchase. And on the other hand, it's always time to class up the front yard, so a zombie lawn flamingo would...

Porsche Hybrid: The 918 Spyder

$1.03 million from Porsche »

Porsche has entered the hybrid market with its 918 Spyder: progressive or a bunch of pomp and circumstance? I mean, sure, it's time for all car makers to contribute to the trek towards alternative vehicle fueling, but...

Scout - Hassle-Free Home Security System

$319.99 from Amazon »

ADT had better either step up its game or get ready for retirement because with all of the user-controlled, smartphone-based home security systems trickling onto the market it won't be long now until third-party remote...

Chainmail Cast Iron Pan Scrubber

$19.98 from Amazon »

Dish Soap + Cast Iron Cookware = Very Bad Cleaning Method. But evidently, Chainmail + Cast Iron Cookware = World's Best Pot and Pan Scrubber. The CM Scrubber looks like a cross between a potholder and the second ugliest...

The Beast Duffel Bag

$907 from Amazon »

What makes a duffel bag a beast? Bigness. Ruggedness. Resilience. What makes a duffel bag The Beast? According to Saddleback Leather, all of the above, plus a 100-year warranty (yes, that's one hundred), a mere 3 seams...

Airlight Screw-in Ceiling Fan

By: Quirky »

I was going to open my discussion of the Airlight screw-in ceiling fan/light with a lightbulb joke, but in searching for the perfect one to relay I stumbled upon something even better: an entire Website devoted to lightbulb...

Pacsafe Anti-Theft Bag & Backpack Mesh

$56.95 - $99.99 from Amazon »

Even secured inside a Pacsafe, I'm not sure I'd tie my backpack up to, say, a bike rack or a telephone pole and take off on a tour of Prague luggage-free for the afternoon, but I do approve of the eXomesh-cage-and-lock...

Zendure the Strong & Durable - External Battery

$34.95 from Amazon »

For the making of their Kickstarter video, and because destructive testing is always fun, Zendure founder Bryan Liu rolled over the external battery's A4 model a dozen times as it charged an iPhone 4S. Presumably with...

Dog High Chair

$48.29 from Amazon »

Some people might say allowing a dog to sit in a high chair and eat dinner at the table with the rest of the family is unsanitary, or even vile, but I really have no problem with the hygiene aspect of the activity. Toddlers...

Abercrombie & Kent Private Jet Tour of Africa

$79,995 from Abercrombie & Kent »

If you're going to spend three weeks taking in the sweeping and breathtaking natural wonders of Africa, you may as well feel more connected to the continent's rawness and rugged land by backpacking, or otherwise traipsing...

Kapture - Audio-Recording Wristband

$99 - $199 from Kapture »

Kapture could easily both save and ruin my life. Because the snazzy wristband doesn't just record voices and conversations, it records them all the time. It runs continuously, collecting audio in 60-second buffered loops...

9mm Vodka

Who wants to be on the receiving end of a shot from a 9mm submachine gun? What if the shot came in a glass and made you feel weak-in-the-knees gooooood instead of weak-in-the-knees punctured in a vital organ? 9mm Vodka...

Inflatable Back Seat Mattress

$89.99 from Amazon »

If the car's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'. And even if the car is sitting completely still, please do not disturb because it probably means I am sleeping like a cherubic child of Zeus on my Fuloon inflatable back...

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Giveaway Entry Is Closed
Likebook - An Album of Your Facebook Page

Giveaway: Likebook - An Album of Your Facebook Page

Enter to win a deluxe Likebook, up to 500 pages of printed, full-color memories ($125 value)!...

Primal Bells

$42.95 - $149.95 from Onnit »

On the list of things that would really suck: 1) Finding your head on the receiving end of a 72-pound kettlebell with an incensed gorilla face carved into it; 2) Finding your head on the receiving end of a 500-pound incensed...

DNA Bookcase

It's the double helix of your literary life. And remember, there's a 50/50 chance its contents will get passed down to your kids, so maybe try filling it with something other than comic books, porn, and smooth jazz, 'ey?...

Leatherman Mut Multitool

$141.19 from Amazon »

I was just sitting here picking my nose and it dawned on me: human hands are the original multi-tool. Then I started thinking about all of the varied tasks they can perform in their host of contortions, nose picking...

Tempo Drop Weather Forecaster

$79 - $94 from GNR 8 »

Tempo Drop is a stylized version of storm glass. Or if, like me, you don't know what the Orville Redenbacher a storm glass is either, then the Tempo Drop is a stylized weather forecaster. The sealed glass container holds...

30th Anniversary LEGO Ghostbusters

Can you believe that June 7th, 2014 will mark the 30th anniversary of the original Ghostbusters movie? Heady stuff. I feel sorry for myself that I was alive on that release date. But not as sorry as I feel for those of...

Rolet Triple Barrel Pipe

Discontinued

Rolet (roll-ay, like Nube and ole!) is the triple barrel shotgun for pacifists. Really. It loads. It fires. It smokes. And I'd argue that using it will make you feel way better for way longer than shooting something....