A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

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Tuesday, June 4, 2013
$9.99 from Amazon »

Even though my distaste for cats is such that I kind of wish someone would lock all of them in a bell tower scheduled to be lit on fire, I've read a few of the entries from this I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats...

Saturday, June 22, 2013
$65 from The UT Lab »

Shoes made out of paper?! What's next, condoms made out of lambskin?! Oh wait.... Unbelievable Testing Laboratory has spent many a month devising and refining their Light Wing Tyvek shoes, a pair of sneakers that weigh in...

Thursday, April 4, 2013
$45 from Etsy »

From chemistry class I remember something about diatomic elements and noble gases, but mostly I remember that my teacher wore a tie-dyed lab coat and I could always see this one girl's lacy bras when she would bend over the beakers and petri dishes during experiments. I do enjoy looking at the periodic table though, and when I look at Gerald and Summer's periodic table cutting boards, it conjures...

Friday, September 2, 2011
$10.03 from Amazon »

Finally a real need has been filled. Underpants for your hands. Great for protecting your hands while... eating chocolate and scratching your butt? Maybe these gloves should be worn under your regular gloves to protect them...

Thursday, August 11, 2011
$17.99 from Lootiful.com »

This is pretty badass and very well made. The iPWN! Case for iPhone 4 fits AT&T models perfectly and you'll surely be the only person you know that has one... unless you know a bunch of other geeks....

Wednesday, October 31, 2012
$15.99 from Amazon »

Communication, so the saying goes, is key. How appropriate then for the bilinguists of the Galactic Republic to provide us with this Translator Ring, a finger-sized key to communicating with the Huttese. Imagine how Jabba would soften towards you if only you could tell him a joke in his native tongue. Tubby alien gangsters love jokes. Jokes and quotes from The Princess Bride. (Because fictional...

Sunday, May 5, 2013
$18.90 from Etsy »

Yesterday was May 4th and son of a bitch if I didn't bone the opportunity to run these Star Wars prints and say, "May the 4th be with you." And today is May 5th, another special day, particularly for the peoples of Mexico...

Wednesday, September 7, 2011
$39 from ThinkGeek »

Imagine this: You're on a date. As usual, things aren't going very well. She's finished her 3rd drink and still sees a slack jawed lummox when she looks across the table. The tab arrives. You, being the sucker that you are...

Tuesday, April 3, 2012
$849 from Etsy »

Two steps forward, meet five steps back. For those of us who missed out on all the fun and carpal tunnel syndrome the typewriter generation had, or for those simply looking for an apparatus on which their grandmas can type...

Tuesday, May 21, 2013
$14.10 from Amazon »

Father's Day is June 16th. I don't know about you, but I sure can't think of a better gift for a new dad than an apparatus that will allow him to suck the snot out of his kid's nose with his own mouth. And who says you have...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013
$5.08 from Amazon »

No jokes, no sarcasm, this snap-on can strainer is just a good idea, plan and simple. Do you know how sick I am of getting tuna juice all up in my cuticles when I squeeze out a can for lunch? A colander? Ha! The idea of schlepping...

Thursday, February 7, 2013
$16.13 from Amazon »

My first question when Tim Joyce wrote to me about his Dry Goods athletic powder was, "Uh, what's that?" To which he responded, "It's essentially sprayable Gold Bond without the mess." Cool. But of course my second question...

Sunday, August 19, 2012
$9.11 from Amazon »

Swearing in another language. It's the only thing we really cared to learn during the mandatory years of high school French. Actually, my earliest memories of foreign curse words came much earlier, in 2nd grade, when the term...

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I bet you didn't know Eva Unit 01 was also highly adept at manipulating the three states of matter. Well, two of the three anyway. Here to keep your home or office moist and safe from itchy skin and dry eyeballs is the Neon...

Sunday, November 4, 2012
$9.95 from Amazon »

Ice straws are what I will give children to drink hot chocolate with so I don't have to hear them whine and cry about how it's too hot and they burnt their tongue and waaa, waaa, waaa, I want a hug. I often want a hug too...

Monday, March 25, 2013
$21.99 from Etsy »

Ryan McArthur has compiled a graphical study of the Top 100 Zombie films in order of how much they pale in comparison to Zombieland and, for that matter, any movie in which Bill Murray has ever appeared, including that Rushmore...

Friday, October 26, 2012
$21.69 from Amazon »

If we can teach rats to run mazes and cows to jump over moons, why not teach fish to kick a soccer ball or swim through hoops? The R2 Fish School Fish Training Kit, developed by master trainer of the gilled ones Dr. Dean Pomerleau...

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Wagons, the color blue, toys loud enough to get me grounded, stereos gangsta enough to make me feel like I was a part of the rap community, all of the things I loved as a young boy come rushing back in a singular, superb composition:...

Thursday, May 2, 2013
$89 from Amazon »

John Boos designed the corner cutting board/counter space saver from solid maple and recommends that you add it to your "kitchen arsenal". Please raise your hand if you have a kitchen arsenal. Please raise your hand if you...

Wednesday, February 20, 2013
$9.48 from Amazon »

Good thing they didn't let me name this portable, credit-card-sized razor and mirror combo. I would have picked something stupid like Carzor. You know, credit card + razor = Carzor. Like how Brad + Angelina = ...oh wait, what...

Monday, December 3, 2012
$70 - $100 from Combat Humidor »

Combat Cigar Humidors take Made in America to the next level. The waterproof stogie canisters are also custom crafted to order by disabled Marine Corps veterans out of Spanish cedar encased in an M13 7.62 x 51 linked ammo...

Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Discontinued

Lionel Richie is one of those weird celebrities like Demi Moore and Kate Winselt who kind of starts looking better as he gets older. See: Lionel Richie circa 1983. And: Lionel Richie now. His songs, of course, have always...

Tuesday, March 13, 2012
$12.97 from Amazon »

A 3" x 1" alarm that attaches to any door or window, and fires a powerful siren if anyone enters. It's the perfect companion for travelers, people with nosy mothers and girlfriends, and the inexplicably paranoid. In addition...

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Nothing gives me more satisfaction than finding new and exciting ways of flipping people off. First, an umbrella, and now, a housekey. The Middle Finger key--or as vendor Goodworth & Co. calls it, the "Best Wishes" key--is...

Friday, January 17, 2014
$299.95 from Amazon »

Sometimes when I look into a bagless vacuum canister filled with dirt and hair I experience a sense of grotesque pleasure. Like, look at that vile mess I made, and hats off to the vacuum that cleaned it up. The Gtech AirRam...

Monday, March 5, 2012
$400 from Custom Made »

Bust out some some bluesy jams, and tell Siri to call you "BB King" with these cigar box guitars, in tobacco brands Padron 9 and El Baton. The smoke boxes are detailed and expanded, with fretted butternut necks and rosewood...

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Chrono-Shredder is a clock, a calendar, a reminder that those who sit at home and simply watch time go by have lives filled with nothing but growing piles of shit on the floor. Poetic, no? Susanna Hertrich combines machine...

Wednesday, October 30, 2013
$72.25 from Camper Van Gift »

Whether it's a tent, a bunk bed, or an actual motor vehicle...that can't go faster than 50...it seems the VW Camper Van has achieved an iconic status that will never wane. But what I want to know is, can the VW Camper Van...

Wednesday, September 12, 2012
$25 from Brad McGinty »

Who isn't a fan of checking out innards these days? Particularly when the innards belong to our favorite film creatures--Mogwais, Gremlins, Martians, Predators, Xenomorphs--and particularly when the versions we used to cut...

Tuesday, February 14, 2012
By: Youtube

Abraham Lincoln's political career, the Civil War, slavery in The South--conspiracy theorists have been saying it for over a century, and now Seth Grahame-Smith's thinly-veiled novel, plus Tim Burton's twisted interpretive...

Wednesday, March 6, 2013
$27.15 - $31.57 from Amazon »

They're terming Brook & Hunter's axe of a thousand ways to destroy and maim a "garden tool". Yeah, for all the "weeding" I have to do when gangs of Girl Scouts jump me in the grocery store parking lot because I dissed Do-si-dos....

Sunday, April 22, 2012
$4k from Choc Edge »

Choc Creator is a revolutionary Voltron of Americans' two favorite things to do: screw around on the computer and eat. The first commercial 3D chocolate printer, Choc Creator Version 1, employs 10 mL syringes filled with liquid...

Monday, January 2, 2012
$103.99 from Amazon »

Take new school back to the old school with this ghetto blaster fit for an iPhone. This is a true MP3 Ghetto Blaster that uses removable solid-state data storage. So, all you have to do is slam a thumb drive or SD card in...

Friday, August 23, 2013
$15 from indiegogo »

You know how some people pour vodka in their eye or, like, soak a tampon in it and then stick it up their butt to get drunk quick and calorie-free? Well now there's a similar--albeit safer and way less disgusting--way to introduce...

Monday, December 26, 2011
$8.99 from Vat 19 »

A sarcastic spin on the traditional fortune cookie, unfortunate cookies tell it like it is. Each pack includes 10 witty, fun and sometimes scathing or disgusting fortunes that are sure to surprise whoever cracks them open...

Wednesday, July 3, 2013
$1,441.50 from Amazon »

One time my friend Esteban bought a boat and named it Anubis and that's about the only exposure I've ever had to the Egyptian jackal-headed god of the underworld. But I guess if I'm lucky when I die he and his six-pack will...

Tuesday, September 24, 2013
$16 from archer »

I'm not sure if a soap that smells of barrel-aged, charcoal-filtered whiskey will inspire me to do the dishes more often, but it will probably inspire me to to do that tie-dye lava milk experiment catalyzed by dish soap on...

Friday, August 19, 2011
Discontinued

I need one of these for sure. Not just for display either.... For killin'! Some creepy dude named The Somber Raven made these Vampire Killing Kits and they're pretty legit. You can tell they're what's bolstering him from downtrodden...

Thursday, December 5, 2013
$179.95 from Amazon »

Whomever posted all their slide shots to the Celestron InfiniView Digital Microscope listing on Amazon sure liked looking at bugs. Check out that white one. What is that, a dust mite? That thing is sick, dude. But it does...

Saturday, October 27, 2012
$4,945 - $5,695 from Pen Boutique »

Even as a Batman die-hard, I'm pretty sure that if I had $5,000 to spend on Dark Knight products, I wouldn't go for a fountain pen. But different folks, different strokes, 'ey? And if you fancy yourself, say, a DC Comics poet...

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

These are so intricately made and real looking that I would not keep them in your bedroom at night. Why? Have you ever seen Starship Troopers? These things are great candidates to come alive at night and launch a full scale...

Tuesday, August 9, 2011
$74 from Etsy »

Finally. A way to combine your one true love and the girl you're currently boning. This handmade, handcrafted dress will surely lead to a handjob if you're smart enough to buy one for your girl....

Monday, August 12, 2013
$29.99 from Amazon »

Ladies, I dare anyone to try to rip you off or cut up your credit cards or even look at you in a way you do not find pleasing when you're carrying one of these babies. From the butcher's block to the sewing machine, nothing...

Wednesday, January 18, 2012
$425 from Kate Bauman »

When you can't remember if Mama said you can't hurry love, or if Mama said knock you out, it's best to cover all bases. These gleaming symbols of betrothal let everyone you encounter know you are blissfully off the market...

Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Discontinued

Sometimes in the great out of doors you get gunk or crud or straight up shit on your hands and would like to clean it off without dumping out half of your water supply in the process. Sometimes it is approximately 172 degrees...

Wednesday, April 24, 2013
$16.99 - $24.99 from Bubi Bottle »

Innumerable points to the Bubi collapsible bottle for calling itself a Bubi and including the option of affixing nipples to its top. Obviously. But in addition to these superficial treats, the Bubi bottle also boasts some...

Saturday, December 29, 2012
By: Generate

First and foremost, designer Sotirios Papadopoulos' Full Moon Cabinet ships with an accompanying CD of music custom-compiled to reflect its aura. Never mind that the lunar credenza is also coated with Eco Light Inside, a material...

Monday, October 10, 2011
$59 million from Christie's Real Estate »

Florida's Latin population tallies over 18%, and people who know stuff about populations speculate that by 2035, the state will have a Hispanic majority....

Wednesday, May 8, 2013
$599 from Tower Garden »

Soil. Lengthy growth periods. The X-axis. Tower Garden rejects you en masse. An aeroponic growing system ideal for rooftops, patios, balconies, and terraces, this food and flower producer replaces pots of temperamental soil...

Thursday, May 23, 2013
$3.48 from Amazon »

Penis pasta, penis pasta, penis pasta! Cornelius just made me say it 3 times fast. I found that it wasn't very difficult, but he found it very funny because everyone in the Apple store looked at me like I'm the type of person...

Saturday, October 19, 2013
$149.99 from ThinkGeek »

All I want to know is does this neon Ghostbusters sign come with an optional N64 add-on? Because I hear a simple phone call doesn't cut it with the crew these days. If you've got somethin' strange in your neighborhood, the...

Tuesday, February 7, 2012
$9.99 from ThinkGeek »

Get ready for the uncontrollable "O" mouth, exhalations of fire, and streaming tears of blissful discomfort only a few Victoria's Secret models, and Bhut Jolokia, the world's hottest pepper, can extract from your otherwise...

Monday, October 1, 2012
$29.99 from Etsy »

Had I an oven in which to grow a bun, definitely a Skeleton Baby T-Shirt would be my preferred method of announcing it to the world. I wonder if wearing it would deter the nosy old hens who feel up preggo women's bellies...

Thursday, January 3, 2013
$8.19 from Amazon »

The extent of Amazon's grenade knife description: "Looks like a grenade." Hmmm...sold! I'm such an easy target for advertisers. Don Draper could probably sell me a pile of gorilla shit. He could probably sell me a ticket to...

Thursday, August 25, 2011
Discontinued

Do you really want to irritate your wife? Then demand that this be your wedding ring. Why not? Kind of makes a statement to would be criminals too. You're a dude wearing a black steel ring... you're a dude not to be messed...

Tuesday, July 30, 2013
$19 - $30 from Society 6 »

Kids, this is what happens when you don't wear sunscreen: everyone figures out your secret identity. See Mike Draw has created a Superhero Tan Lines print to show how even the likes of Batman can be so clever when it comes...

Thursday, June 27, 2013
$24.95 from Amazon »

I see the Fireside Fishing Pole and I see you and me going fishing in the dark. Lying on our backs and counting the stars. Where the cooool grass gr-oh-oh-ows. Yeah I like country music, so the fried okra what? You know who...

Thursday, November 29, 2012
$164 from Amazon »

Shoot first, focus later. So goes the mantra to the Lytro Light Field Camera, the photography world's first "living pictures" point-and-shooter that allows users to tweak both the focus and the perspective of photos after...

Thursday, March 7, 2013
$199.99 from SamTimer »

Although most of my anecdotes and personal claims to greatness are complete BS, I swear, what follows is a true story. Two true stories, actually. First, I am a formidable Scrabble player. Second, one time I dated a girl who...

Tuesday, February 26, 2013
$8.36 from Amazon »

What if Darth Vader had been a good dad? Or even had just announced his paternity to Luke sometime before he got into that imminent death predicament? Darth Vader and Son not only speculates on this topic, but does so with...

Saturday, January 12, 2013
$44 from Nylon Journal »

NYC Subway Map Tights address two male quandaries. 1) Being lost on the streets of New York and not wanting to ask for directions. 2) Coming up with something non-douchebaggy to say after getting caught staring at a smokin'...

Thursday, September 27, 2012
$48 from Etsy »

I know your toddler is a unique and special snowflake, but now you can turn him into a programmable, monotone android too and revel in the irony! Carolyn Caffelle calls her R2D2 onesie and hat a costume, though I think everyone...

Thursday, March 8, 2012
$10.07 from Amazon »

This nifty Peanut Butter & Jelly Wallet with photo-real fabric looks so authentic petty thieves and street urchins will never suspect it's housing your cash and credit cards. On the flip side, beware of fat kids. Each sandwich...

Thursday, September 5, 2013
$39.99 from Vat 19 »

This is what happens to people who eat 5-pound gummy bears: they OD on sugar and high fructose corn syrup, their brains become gelatinous, and they turn into 5-pound gummy skulls. In flavors cherry, blue raspberry, and grape....

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Miso Soup Design, bad move releasing photos of the Anti-loneliness Ramen Bowl before you have actual Anti-loneliness Ramen Bowls to sell. Now everyone wants one, everyone is pestering you to buy one, and the bowls' target...

Saturday, January 21, 2012
Discontinued

I don't think The Chippendales are in any danger, but the Nice Jewish Guys Calendar is certainly a good alternative. And you can display it proudly when Mom and Dad come over, or just make a quick switch before they arrive....

Tuesday, May 7, 2013
$19.95 from Hoodie Pillow »

Shark Tank strikes again. The Hoodie Pillow, another concept first introduced on ABC's entrepreneurial cattle call, has debuted a travel version of its fleece snooze-time companion. In this case, the namesake hood connects...

Tuesday, April 17, 2012
$42.99 from Amazon »

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody...but I do got a sick 16 1/2" solid cast metal Alien Spiked Tri-Blade Hand Claw coated in an antique brass and gun-metal finish, which I will shadow box with in front of the mirror...