A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

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Sunday, December 16, 2012
$40.98 - $45.63 from Shapeways »

The effects of the weekend call for a thick shot of Death Wish Coffee and a long drag of a Marlboro Light. It's almost like Solo e Sola knows that my Saturday night culminated in the crushing of a raw egg in my right hand*...

Wednesday, December 11, 2013
$14.99 from NYC Taxi Calendar »

See, ladies, why waste time exacting revenge upon your ex-boyfriend when you could be spending it pursuing one of these hot transportation professionals as your new boyfriend? The 2014 NYC Taxi Drivers Beefcake Calendar is...

Wednesday, July 31, 2013
$225 from Take-A-Seat »

Obviously the most important element of tailgating is drinking. No one ever forgets to bring beer to the tailgate. Or the picnic. Or the post-outdoor-adventure celebration. We do, however, sometimes forget chairs. Or we use the storage space intended for chairs to hold more beer. Take-A-Seat, with anticipated delivery set for the height of tailgating season, hitches to a truck, SUV, or trailer...

Friday, December 13, 2013
$46.32 from Amazon »

The Swissmar girouette says it was devised to shave and curl Tete de Moine, a fancy cheese from Switzerland that probably costs $100 pound, but you can also use it to make byooteeful ribbons of chocolate, or on any old cheese...

Tuesday, January 10, 2012
$4.95 from Amazon »

At this point, the bacon craze has reached a state of lunacy that renders bacon soda somewhat expected. Pedestrian, even. Still, there are smoky, greasy meat flavors, and then there are CARBONATED smoky, greasy meat flavors....

Thursday, February 13, 2014
$9.53 from Amazon »

The Aqueduck. Is it a faucet extender for kids who can't quite reach the fixture, or a faucet extender for men like me who crack their teeth on the spigot each time they try to get a drink after taking a leak in the middle of the night? What, use my hand to cup the water? Uh, do you know what I just finished using my hand to cup? Go to the kitchen and get a glass? The kitchen is down a flight of...

Thursday, March 28, 2013

My friend DeAndre ran with the bulls in Pamplona once, and he assures me that the expression "strong like bull" is no, well, no bullshit. People get impaled and tossed and stampeded and DeAndre saw one guy take a horn to the...

Wednesday, October 9, 2013
$29.99 from Etsy »

Poor Thing. Someone lit him on fire and in the absence of a mouth, or thumb and forefinger that can reach the top of his wrist, it looks like he's doomed to burn. If you give him a few minutes I hear blood will start running...

Saturday, April 27, 2013
$159.95 from Amazon »

Other solar powered chargers exist...I mean, I think they do. I use the power of my mind to charge my devices, so I don't exactly keep up. But from what I hear from the less psychically apt and electrically inclined, there...

Saturday, October 20, 2012
$90 from Nike »

X-Ray Leggings have images of real bones digitally printed on their front and back. With an inexplicable collection of screws, broken femurs, and hip replacements decorating the gluteus maximus side. Oh, actually the explanation...

Saturday, July 13, 2013

A Hovercraft Golf Cart, say what? It's like country club meets Star Trek convention. Caddyshack meets Back to the Future. Rich people meets...things only rich people can afford....

Friday, October 12, 2012
$50.95 from Yandy »

Ahhh, a Sexy Straitjacket Costume. The pinnacle of Sexy WTF Costumes--narrowly beating out the Sexy Hamburger--and a fun way to perpetuate the stereotype that all hot chicks are crazy. Why be a Sexy Nurse or a Sexy Cop or...

Thursday, August 30, 2012
$9.67 from Amazon »

Now that the kiddos are back in school, wouldn't it be fun one day when they come home to surprise them with wall-to-wall chalkboards in their bedrooms? Chalkboards you have covered in times tables, Spanish verb conjugations...

Wednesday, October 10, 2012
$39.90 from dbeauty shop »

Batman. He's conquered the comics. He's conquered the big screen. He's conquered Lycra and plastic composites armor. Now, he's here to take on eyeballs. Batman Contact Lenses make their wearers one with the Dark Knight's optics...

Saturday, July 27, 2013
Discontinued

By Cryos Illumination's definition, Function in flashlight form means a light output of up to 1600 lumens with endless, user-controlled variability in between. It means dual 1/4-20 tripod threads and a uniquely practical design....

Saturday, August 17, 2013
$49.40 from Amazon »

I almost started crying when I saw the Yonanas maker of healthy ice cream. It's what I imagine laying eyes upon my first child for the first time will feel like, except where the ice cream maker evokes awe and undiluted joy...

Sunday, March 25, 2012
$34.99 from Battleshots »

Ah, it appears a version of Battleship has been invented for the kids who actually leave their dorm rooms on Friday nights. Battle Shots, in a hilarious act of futility, purports to combine analytical thinking and strategic...

Monday, July 30, 2012
$239.95 from Etsy »

Pastiche of 1960s artistic minimalism and Cold War technology, anyone? The Six Digit Nixie Tube Clock combines original Russian New Old Stock IN-14 Nixie tubes with 16 user-controlled colors of LED lighting, and the hands...

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline. Maybe so, Ron, but might I remind you what the studies show?...

Thursday, December 12, 2013
$33.50 from Amazon »

Here's a way to increase the functionality--oh, no, sorry, "unlock the power" of your Windows 8 PC. The Logitech rechargeable touchpad expands upon the standard built-in trackpad both dimensionally with its large, 5.9" x 5.7"...

Sunday, April 29, 2012
By: Behance

Papilla is a USB (and battery) powered lunch box that will reheat its contents. Turkish industrial designer Burcin Ceren Olcum created it so that busy professionals and people on the go have an option to enjoy healthy, homemade...

Thursday, January 31, 2013
$49.99 from Amazon »

Cool kids don't pack heat, they pack humidity. With the aid of any standard screw-top water bottle, the Air-O-Swiss Travel Ultrasonic humidifier will pump your hotel suite or Aunt Jan's spare bedroom full of revitalizing...

Friday, October 11, 2013
$22 - $140 from Etsy »

Trixie Delicious' naughty china reminds me of sitting at an austere dinner table with my friend Cornelius and trying to destroy his composure by saying words like "penis," "boobies," and "cocksucker" under my breath. Except...

Tuesday, January 17, 2012
$3.99 from 55 Hi's »

Ladies, the answer to your age-old question, "What are you thinking about?" has materialized in greeting card format. 78% of the time you query your man about his internal musings, this is the perpetual, 14-word loop running...

Sunday, January 13, 2013
$49.99 from Etsy »

Hand-sewn Yoda heads atop plush tan sweatshirts we will wear. Those of us who carry the Force will anyway. And with the Yoda Hoodies' slouchy front pockets, we'll even have a place to stuff it for safekeeping. Erin Maynard...

Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Sold Out from Etsy »

The Goliathon is a formidable gun of the steampunk persuasion. An apocalyptic machination of copper, brass, and steel that harnesses the power of a full-size steam locomotive. A mammoth burly enough to annihilate an army of...

Thursday, January 2, 2014
$18.99 from Amazon »

"I LOVE this. I was worried this would look tacky or cheap, but it really is awesome looking. Pleasantly surprised. Goes great with other wolf bathroom accessories I have." Thank you, Amazon reviewer Adelaide. Your assessment...

Sunday, September 22, 2013
$3.86 from Amazon »

This 120 dB door stop alarm could be good for traveling I guess, but if all the mean-spirited friends and family members I know figured out I was using one to protect my bedroom from their snooping eyes and fingers, I can...

Saturday, October 26, 2013
$69.99 - $72.99 from Amazon »

It's not quite as cool as toting a real Proton pack, and infinitely less cool than being the real Peter Venkman, but this Ghostbusters printed Venkman jacket is still better than a tan Russell Athletic zip-up from Target...

Tuesday, December 10, 2013
$24.99 from Amazon »

And maybe when I'm not making ravioli I can use this rolling pin on the knots in my back and my tightly wound IT band. The beechwood ravioli rolling pin delivers a strong sense of self-satisfaction to its rollers as it allows...

Tuesday, February 11, 2014
$199.95 from Amazon »

Breville says it will do for pizza lovers what cooking meth does for ailing chemistry teachers: bring home the dough. The Crispy Crust Stone Baked Pizza Maker aims to deliver brick oven pie quality without the bricks. Probably...

Sunday, April 8, 2012
$760 from VITEOSHOWER »

The only thing better than a water shower cascading down from above is a water shower shooting up from below. Champions of bidets and enemas, you know what we're talking about, 'ey? And though the photos depict fancy frolicking...

Saturday, June 2, 2012
$159.95 from Amazon »

In these progressive times, more and more monsters are coming out from under the bed, and unabashedly scaring the bejeezus out of little kids and first time visitors to where the magic happens from right alongside it. The...

Tuesday, January 15, 2013
$25 from Etsy »

While I would trust the paracord to help me in my times of need--jimmying a suspended shelter during floods or stepping in for my broken shoelace during the 3-on-3 playoffs at the YMCA--I have to admit its Vader component...

Saturday, August 10, 2013

According to the Choosatron, "as technology has advanced, so has the way we tell stories." I agree. Particularly with regard to online dating profiles in which all women are drama- and maintenance-free, and weigh the same...

Saturday, May 19, 2012
$0.99 from iOSnoops »

A while back, Stephen Lippens started thinking that someone should make the old Flash game Pandemic for the iPhone. And then, despite having virtually no technical background or experience, he figured that someone may as well...

Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Sold Out from Etsy »

Uh, this one's for the ladies? When the toggle on the Han Solo in Carbonite switch plate is turned on, there will be no doubt Han Solo in Carbonite is turned on. I'm not sure how men--even the most devoted of Star Wars fans--will...

Thursday, August 15, 2013
$1,250 - $3,125 from Fun Furniture Collection »

Just in time for you to go to Burning Man and your offspring to stay home with a DIY heap of plywood and PDF instructions as a consolation prize: The VW Camper Bunk Bed! Its double stack of single mattress frames come as either...

Tuesday, November 22, 2011
$169.99 from Infmetry »

It's the relationship and commitment hairshirt! Currently available in "Always" and "Marry me", Inner Message Rings are the perfect way to say, "If you really love me, you'll wear this ring that never stops gouging your flesh...

Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Discontinued

Default setting during Settlers of Catan play is already shaking my fist while bellowing a battle cry. Sometimes of conquer. Sometimes of defeat. Funny how those sounds and gestures have global emotional applications. Anyway...

Friday, March 30, 2012
$185.99 from Amazon »

Is it sun-blazin', mosquito-laden, river-floatin', mountain-bikin', pop-a-tent-in-the woods season yet? Segue from winter into the months of the year that don't make people want to jump off highway overpasses with the terrifically...

Saturday, May 18, 2013
$18.95 from Amazon »

People from Maine sure know how to make cooking fun. These earthenware Snot-a-Mug egg separators are made by northeast coast artisans to disassociate whites from yolks such that they whimsically mimic a gruesome bodily function....

Sunday, October 27, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

Maker Archie McPhee says, "No one can be angry at you while you're wearing this latex Pug Mask." I don't know whether to scoff at and rebuttal that or just swallow the couple tablespoons of vomit the statement made me throw...

Sunday, July 21, 2013
$2,830 - $5,990 from Peter Lynn Kites »

Aw dude. It's like the perplexing baby head masks meet the life-size blue whale kite meets the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man descending ominously upon the Ghostbusters gang, shit-eating grin plastered across its face. The Cherub...

Thursday, October 11, 2012
$425 from Etsy »

I'm imagining how much toxic air I could intake, and how many zombies I could Sucker Punch in this kick ass leather and aluminum Defender Gas Mask. Pretty sure the total is zero, but I'm going to look so damn cool getting...

Monday, December 17, 2012
$150 from Etsy »

It's paleontology, puzzle-solving, and ridiculously rad lawn ornament all rolled into one plasma cut steel assembly kit. This giant velociraptor skeleton arrives as 44, 11-gauge, 1/8" steel pieces begging to be the centerpiece...

Friday, October 18, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

I don't need a knuckle knife topped with a skull to prove I'm a fantasy master, just the sworn testimony of my ex-girlfriends. Come on ladies, tell them about the fiery passion of Igor the Dragon....

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Say hello to my open-source, 18-foot-wide, 4,000-pound, 6-legged hydraulic little friend. His name's Stompy, and he is a gargantuan spideresque robot currently being built to tote humans, and crush the living bejeesus...

Monday, February 11, 2013
$99 - $999 from DomeCandy »

What's this? A circa 1968 suitcase and a set of Sony speakers turned into a portable stereo? Aw, Granny, good job! You made a ghetto blaster! And I thought our Merle Haggard Mondays and Tupac Tuesdays couldn't get any better....

Monday, April 22, 2013

Don't try to pretend like you don't want a 5x magnified, 13,000 pixel view of your earwax. The EarScope delivers a nearly perfect image of the Q-Tip zone to assist with cleaning or taking sick pleasure in watching a mountain...

Thursday, June 20, 2013
$99 from Tokyo Flash »

Like playing the bagpipes and rolling your eyeballs into the back of your sockets, I would prefer that you not drink and drive, even if you're really good at it. Tokyoflash agrees, and so has proceeded with development and...

Saturday, June 9, 2012
Discontinued

Male-female color coordination and style may not be Top 5 on the list of requisites for zombie slaying offensives, but side-by-side pink & black and yellow & black Zombie Stopper Gun Blades should look pretty sweet at Comic-Con...

Tuesday, January 31, 2012
$13.50 from Etsy »

Balrogs and horndogs beware! These gold-emblazoned ladies' hot shorts guard the Secret Fire and they will not avail your advances! Undies are American Apparel brand, and come in S, M & L. Check out the size guide photo prior...

Thursday, January 17, 2013
By: Hapilabs

WARNING: Eating too fast leads to poor digestion and fatness. Well. HAPIfork sure has the Appeal to Fear propaganda technique down. Their marketing team must have studied under my grandma. That said, indigestion and fatness...

Friday, August 17, 2012
$18.99 from The Oatmeal Shop »

For those who claim to put Sriracha on everything, it's time to put your money where your mouth is. Introduce the rooster to the family jewels. Acquaint your two favorite hot cocks. Sriracha Boxer Briefs burn along backsides...

Thursday, September 27, 2012
By: OMG Life

Just as we can never have too many paparazzi photos of female celebrities in short dresses with no underwear climbing out of their cars, it seems neither can we have too many ways in which to capture these riveting moments....

Friday, June 22, 2012

Jolly Rogers, Hearts that say "Mom", Tweety Birds, sure they're gumball machine classics when it comes to temporary tattoos, but what about getting tatted out for 2 to 3 days in a design that expresses true individuality and...

Thursday, February 28, 2013

I don't really need a V-shaped toaster and accompanying knife to facilitate PB&J assembly and consumption--my mama makes mine. Crunchy Peter Pan, seedless strawberry jam, two slices of pumpernickel (shut up, it's delicious)...

Monday, October 14, 2013

Although this leg lamp looks slightly less frageelay than the iconic Christmas Story bulbed version, I bet if I don a beige cardigan and rub it the wrong way it will drop me like a sack of potatoes and cost a chunk of change...

Monday, March 26, 2012
Discontinued

According to the Handbook for the Recently Deceased, the Beetlejuice Terrarium is an accurately-depicted scale model of the Maitland-Deetz estate, replete with fence posts, dirt driveway, the foreboding, Burton-esque tree...

Thursday, May 9, 2013
$22.99 from Perpetual Kid »

Though not as blood-curdling as a breaching shark in an elevator, an alligator snarling up through a manhole cover on my front doorstep should make uninvited visitors take pause long enough to second guess their decision to...

Wednesday, January 18, 2012
$159.93 from Amazon »

Do you believe in the power of the human mind? If you said yes, and you are not a Buddhist monk, yogi master, hypnotist, or cult leader, you probably also believe in The Force. But while belief in The Force is one thing, mastery...

Monday, November 5, 2012
$249.99 from Gizmine »

With this In-Home Fireworks Theater, you can now say, "Happy New Year!", "Happy Birthday, America!", and "Happy Sweet 16, spoiled brat with a rich daddy!" 365 days a year. From the comfort of your own living room, no less....

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Friday, November 16, 2012
$24.95 from Amazon »

Boy do I miss the days of my youth. The days of emerging victorious from head-butting battles with rhinoceroses, claiming their horns as trophies, and, after gnawing out the marrow inside, filling them with a thick black stout...

Tuesday, March 19, 2013
$79.90 from IQ Cubes »

I guess anyone who can solve the Roulette Wheel IQ Cube must be pretty smart. I feel pretty smart just for figuring out what it is based on the manufacturer's bold, caps, red-fonted, syntactically-challenged description of...

Friday, December 20, 2013
$230.34 - $249.95 from Amazon »

The 94Fifty basketball is so smart it can measure any force you apply to it, instantly output data about your game, hone your shooting skills, coordinate competitions against other players, and diss your mama for being so...

Sunday, April 7, 2013
$399.95 from Amazon »

I recently got an email from a fan that said, "I hate to be HOT." Hahahaha, get it? A fan that hates to be hot. Actually, I just noticed that hilarious pun after I wrote it. I really did get an email from someone telling me...

Sunday, August 18, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

One way to guarantee your kid grows up to be a spoiled, entitled brat like that little crapper Suri Cruise is to install an in-ground pool in your back yard--maybe even one that fluctuates between pool and patio--and then...