Never one to pass up the opportunity to protect myself or promote hearing loss, I think I'll take a Cybernetic Research Labs Tactical Whistle in every color. I'll give the pink one to the next girl I ask out as assurance that I'm a good guy. Seriously, dudes, what better way to convince a lady of your integrity and gentlemanliness than to present her with a way of whistling for help and blowing out your eardrums prior to your first date? Take it up a notch and give her a pair of Kuba-Kickz. And if you're actually a nice guy with no questionable intentions...Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun, baby.
CRL's Tactical Whistle achieves military grade status through engineering, design, and manufacture processes that meet both aerospace stipulations for AS9100, as well as several military specifications, such as those for coatings, part identification and markings, and corrosion control. The whistle's trump card, though, is its "three flute" design, which achieves frequencies that increase sound levels over distance and slash through environmentally-generated background noise (e.g., rushing water, traffic) to aid users in survival situations, disaster preparedness, crime prevention, campus safety, and calling the dog. A primary central frequency of 3150 Hz meets government regulations, and pierces the atmosphere with its squeal, while higher and lower frequencies flesh out the whistle's acoustical profile. Yeah, I don't really know what that last bit means either. It kind of reminds me of this one episode of that Don Cheadle show House of Lies when he tells the audience one way to convince people you know what you're talking about is to use jargon that they don't understand.
So what does it sound like? A little over a minute into the otherwise mind-numbingly boring video above, CRL crew blow the whistle to demonstrate its Hz output. You can definitely hear the shrillness and potential for ear-bleeding pitch, but to truly comprehend its noisemaking prowess, it seems curious parties will have to just buy one. Luckily the Tactical Whistle, a recent runaway success on Kickstarter, is now available for straight-up purchase through CRL. Black aluminum models run $12 and pink aluminum $14. Because women are fancy and are therefore required to pay fancier prices for no apparent reason. Silver stainless steel whistles are priced at $18, and the grandaddy brass version $22.
Whistle measurements are 2-3/4” long and 9/16” in diameter. Aluminum weight is 14.6 grams; stainless 43.1 grams; and brass 40.1 grams.