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The Emojibator (NSFW)

By: on August 29, 2016
$29
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"If you can't find a date, emojibate." Some of you will chuckle and others will cringe, but Emojibator creator Jaime Jandler feels all she did was bring an obvious joke to life. And good for her. A little elbow grease here, a little manual manipulation there--that's all it really takes, right?

It may prove to be a fleeting prop of pop culture more than a mainstay in the sex toy world, but ladies on bachelorette weekend, or those who just love their purple plants, can enjoy the Emojibator's 10 vibration settings and waterproof, bathtub-ready skin while supplies last. At 4.8" long and 1.2" in diameter, the buzzing silicone eggplant is also small enough for travel, and to pass off as a cat toy if your mama happens to see it left out in the living room.

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Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)

Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...

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Chucky Bath Bomb

I know this Chucky Bath Bomb looks spherical, but take caution while using it. I can almost guarantee you there are some pointy edges hiding in there somewhere....

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Luxury Mile High Club Experience

$7,750 from Wish.co.uk »

Don't just simulate them in a Jet Bed, realize your aero-fantasies with the Luxury Mile High Club Experience. Wish.co.uk, peddlers of myriad activities intended to prevent life and its inhabitants from becoming boring...

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Boregasm Pills

Good thing yawns and O faces look about the same because, thanks to research being conducted by a handful of (presumably exhausted and horny) PhD students at Indiana University's The Kinsey Institute, they're about to...

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Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)

Sold Out from Amazon »

Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found...

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LaunchPAD - Fleshlight iPad Case (NSFW)

$29.95 from Fleshlight »

Though it's not electric or piston-powered...or Japanese...like this friendly sex toy, the LaunchPAD does employ advanced technology in a valiant effort to enhance Man's alone time. The makers of male masturbatory aid...

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Selfie Vibrator with HD Camera (NSFW)

$155 from Amazon »

It doesn't have to be a holiday or special occasion to surprise your lady with a thoughtful gift. The Svakom Gaga Sex Selfie Stick even has a foolproof, built-in mechanism for gauging how much she likes it. Come on, sugar...

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The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas (NSFW)

$11.95 from Amazon »

Is further product description really needed? First there was Georgia O'Keefe, now there is author and illustrator Morgan Hastings. Black-and-white outlines of anatomical wonders beg for your acrylic and Crayola technicolor...

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Kobayashi Mug

Sold Out from Amazon »

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

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The Pop-up Book of Sex (NSFW)

$147.98 from Amazon »

It's a good thing The Pop-up Book of Sex came to us (hard, I hear) over 10 years ago because the decade in between gave YouTubers plenty of time to put together a detailed video flip-through of every single one of the...

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Images You Should Not Masturbate To

$9.95 from Amazon »

If you're wondering if its title is true, feed your curiosities with the photo of the dog that looks like George Costanza's mom in this book of Images You Should Not Masturbate To. And I thought the salt shaker was bad....

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Sex Positions You Never Thought Possible (NSFW)

$24.98 from Amazon »

Remember that one time you let some chick drag you to hot yoga because she too was hot and you wanted to see her do bendy things in spandex pants, but then you ended up spending the whole class lying on your back trying...