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The Emojibator (NSFW)

By: on August 29, 2016
$29
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"If you can't find a date, emojibate." Some of you will chuckle and others will cringe, but Emojibator creator Jaime Jandler feels all she did was bring an obvious joke to life. And good for her. A little elbow grease here, a little manual manipulation there--that's all it really takes, right?

It may prove to be a fleeting prop of pop culture more than a mainstay in the sex toy world, but ladies on bachelorette weekend, or those who just love their purple plants, can enjoy the Emojibator's 10 vibration settings and waterproof, bathtub-ready skin while supplies last. At 4.8" long and 1.2" in diameter, the buzzing silicone eggplant is also small enough for travel, and to pass off as a cat toy if your mama happens to see it left out in the living room.

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Luxury Mile High Club Experience

$7,750 from Wish.co.uk »

Don't just simulate them in a Jet Bed, realize your aero-fantasies with the Luxury Mile High Club Experience. Wish.co.uk, peddlers of myriad activities intended to prevent life and its inhabitants from becoming boring...

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Whiskey River Sarcastic Soaps

$8.95 from Whiskey River »

Whiskey River Soaps are like modern-day Shakespearean comedies. Insightful in reading people. Precise in their social commentary. Charming and funny. And, to complement our 21st century needs, not tl;dr, and serving more...

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Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)

Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...

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Breaking Bad RV Incense Burner

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

Ah, the Breaking Bad RV Incense Burner. [Cue nostalgia.] Reminds me just how much I miss the Krystal Ship. I can't believe it's been 4 years since Heisenberg & Pinkman cooked their last batch. I hope things turn out better...

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Boregasm Pills

Good thing yawns and O faces look about the same because, thanks to research being conducted by a handful of (presumably exhausted and horny) PhD students at Indiana University's The Kinsey Institute, they're about to...

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Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)

Sold Out from Amazon »

Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found...

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A Die Hard Christmas

$10.20 from Amazon »

Yippee Ki Yay! A Die Hard Christmas: The Illustrated Holiday Classic is going to be on every kid's man's gift list this year. (Kids probably won't want it. They'll think the John McClane brand of killing and violence...

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LaunchPAD - Fleshlight iPad Case (NSFW)

$29.95 from Fleshlight »

Though it's not electric or piston-powered...or Japanese...like this friendly sex toy, the LaunchPAD does employ advanced technology in a valiant effort to enhance Man's alone time. The makers of male masturbatory aid...

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Selfie Vibrator with HD Camera (NSFW)

$155 from Amazon »

It doesn't have to be a holiday or special occasion to surprise your lady with a thoughtful gift. The Svakom Gaga Sex Selfie Stick even has a foolproof, built-in mechanism for gauging how much she likes it. Come on, sugar...

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The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas (NSFW)

$11.95 from Amazon »

Is further product description really needed? First there was Georgia O'Keefe, now there is author and illustrator Morgan Hastings. Black-and-white outlines of anatomical wonders beg for your acrylic and Crayola technicolor...

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Kobayashi Mug

Sold Out from Amazon »

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

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Time: Man of the Year Mirror

$28.99 from Amazon »

Are you a Lebowski achiever? This Time: Man of the Year Mirror is a Dude-approved addition to your bar, bedroom, or office wall. It will give you a little boost when you're down, and a little motivation before your big...