Miscellaneous

Fleece Fitted Mattress Cover

$128.99 Amazon »

Wow. You gotta be one cold woman to want to sleep on top of a mattress cover made of fleece. I'm not talking cold in the soul like my ex-girlfriend Karen. I'm talking cold in the toes that feel like ice cubes in a torture...

Bong Butt Plugs (NSFW)

$40 - $65 Etsy »

These Bong Butt Plugs are smokin' hot! Though I'm not sure if it's from the Blue Dream or the 3 bowls of Four-Chile Chili I ate during NFL Sunday coming out of them...

The Mini Jumbotron

$2,950 - $3,950 The Mini Jumbotron »

The Mini Jumbotron! It's an oxymoron for your mancave! An oxymoron that's so cool it's fire too, with the design's quad of TVs able to pump out 4 different channels for sports fans during the NCAA Tournament or on NFL...

Glow Sketch Interactive Glow in The Dark Pillowcase

$25 Amazon »

The Glow Sketch Interactive Glow in The Dark Pillowcase is a great gift for kids, but not kids who can't handle things being taken away from them. Because while they'll relish doodling and tic-tac-toeing in glow-in-the-dark...

Continuous Spray Bottle with Ultra-Fine Mist

$7.95 - $9.99 Amazon »

Are you ready for continuous mist? That's right, Continuous. Mist. Because that's what this spray bottle offers. CONTINUOUS MIST. The texture? Oh, it's ultra-fine. Yep, just when you thought life was getting worse, something...

Wall Sconce Fly Trap

$39.99 - $149.99 Amazon »

I do like me some bug zappers. Unfortunately, these Wall Sconce Fly Traps from Faicuk do not zap flies, they capture them in ultra-sticky glue boards. But Faicuk says this method is, in fact, even better, because it eliminates...

Sunsa Wand - Retrofit Automatic Device for Blinds

$172 Amazon »

This retrofit wand will automate and motorize your existing blinds, so you can keep the blinds you love...or hate, but still already have installed. Makes a lot of Sunsa, 'eh?...

Glass Knuckles Smoking Pipe

$34 Etsy »

Get a grip on your puff-puff-pastime - a real solid grip with this Glass Knuckles Smoking Pipe. Lightweight and made especially for a 5-fingered grip, the pipe gives smokers two options for their inhalation pleasure:...

Quakehold! Museum Putty

$13.98 Amazon »

Quakehold!, according to my wife, is Museum Putty! we must use for our cat Zanzibarrrr! who keeps threatening to knock over the raku pottery vase her parents gave her for her birthday last week. Removable, reusable, non-toxic...

Rhino Cart All-Terrain Moving Dolly

$139.95 Amazon »

The Rhino Cart All-Terrain Mover's favorite season is summer, just like mine. Because summer is the season of beaches and BBQs. Weddings and vacation. Warm, sunny days and long, pleasant evenings. And - and this is where...

Prone Cushion

$129 - $159 Prone Cushion »

Prone Cushion, huh? They say it's the world's first cushion designed for ergonomic support while lying down, and specifically while lying on your belly reading, laptopping, or zombie-watching TikTok videos. But this "Prone...

Black+Decker Bug Zapper

$48.90 Amazon »

The Black+Decker Bug Zapper is an insect killer that looks as handsome as the house flies, mosquitoes, gnats, and wasps it bzzzzt!s will look nasty lying dead in a pile in the zapper's collection tray...

Balance Pipe

$65 Tetra »

We all need a little balance in our lives. Some of us find that balance in the contents of a pipe. And for those dudes and ladies, what better pipe to represent that which you seek but the Balance Pipe from Tetra?...

Tenga Flex Spiraling Male Masturbator

$35.11 Amazon »

Wanna see the Tenga...Flex? Yeah you do, and not because this male masturbator has hard, rippling muscles that will make you feel like an inadequate piece of shit. On the contrary , it's because the Tenga Flex has soft...

Tetra Fog Pin for Smoking Kits

$32 Tetra »

Tetra Fog Pin is a toothpick of sorts, but it's not for your teeth. And it's a wishbone of sorts, but it's not for pulling apart the day after Thanksgiving. The Fog Pin is a smoker's tool Tetra made to be "the most useful...

Windmill Fan

$1,158 Amazon »

Windmill Fan: Looks cool; might cause cancer. (But, I mean, only if you believe windmills cause cancer.)...

Kraken Dildo

$13.99 Amazon »

Unleash the Kraken Dildo! Seven inches long and suction-cup ready for anal penetration! ... Uh, what? On second thought, dude, keep that thing to yourself. I'm still reeling over the Corn Dog Butt Plug...

Light Bulb & Fan Pull Chains for Ceiling Fans

$5.51 Amazon »

I'm not gonna be a wet blanket and diss these Light Bulb & Fan Pull Chains for ceiling fans because it's really not that hard to look up and figure out which cord controls the light and which cord the fan. Nope. No wet...

ArmPull Hands-Free Door Handle

$54.99 Amazon »

ArmPull is from the maker of FootPull. Not to be confused with the maker of LegPull, which is your grandpa, your drunk uncle, or your annoying coworker who is all over the Meow Hear This and Toilet Goblin. Correction...

Vessel Helix One-Hitter

$65 Vessel »

Vessel's Helix one-hitter has some serious drip. And since I'm pretty sure no one in the generation that made up the slang term "drip" will be reading this, but probably some Gen Z parents will, that means the dry herb...

BYOJ-001 Horn Fragrance Diffuser

$1,300 Byredo »

Sound the smells! The BYOJ-001 reappropriates a bullhorn-lookin' speaker into a fragrance diffuser that blows scents rather than tunes around your home. A collaboration between OJAS speaker brand founder, Devon Turnbull...

Adhesive Magnet Tape

Sold Out Amazon »

Haha, Mama, no excuse not to hang every one of my photos and pieces of artwork on the fridge anymore, now that I'm giving you this neverending* roll of Adhesive Magnet Tape! It's even specially formulated for thin, low-profile...

Gunnlaug Sound Absorbing Curtain

$49.99 IKEA »

Rshhjish irkanuh goorpojush srrdadsrrding cishnish. Oh wait. My bad. Let me pull my new IKEA Gunnlaug Sound Absorbing Curtain back before I tell you. Dudes, this is IKEA's new Gunnlaug Sound Absorbing Curtain. According...

Audacity Doormat

$45 Etsy »

If you think "audacity" is too harsh of a word for this doormat...then you are almost certainly they type of person who doesn't call or text before "stopping by" people's homes. You are also the type of person I bought...