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ChiliPad - Cooling & Heating Mattress Pad

By: on August 29, 2013
$399 - $999
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This visual sales pitch for the Chilipad, a mattress cover that can cool or heat his and her respective halves of the bed, might be my favorite photo I've seen all summer, and no one is even naked or wielding a sword or dressed like Darth Vader in it. I mean, consider the disparity between the couple, combined with their assigned temperatures. Did she get "Hot" and he "Cold" simply because pink is for girls and blue is for boys? Perhaps. But I think, beneath its incremental, remote-controlled settings of between 46 and 118 degrees F, this Chilipad image is turbocharged with social commentary.

Does the woman also have her Chilipad set to Hot because all non-menopausal women are always cold, and she is just conforming to her gender? (Yes.) And in addition, is this particular woman also Hot as in smokin' hot? (Yes.) And is she maybe too Hot as in horny, bummed that Prince Valium next door can't meet her needs, and calling out to us as her Chilipad audience to step in? (Oh boy, I hope so!)

As for him. Eh, maybe he's Cold as in pleasantly chilled by his Chilipad. Or Cold as in cold ass honky. (Doubtful.) Or maybe he's Cold as in distant. Unavailable. Cheating on her with the girl who grooms their Pomeranian. (More likely.) Or maybe he's Cold as in run cold, as in over and out and impotent. (Haha, sucks for you, dude!)

Chilipads are available in sizes Single through California King, with stops at pretty much every mattress designation you can name in between. Their heating/cooling properties are controlled by a water circulation system, which consumes about 80W of energy on average, which I guess is a lot less than the air conditioner or central heating, though l'm not entirely sure since usually when I get the electrical bill I just say, "Mama! The electrical bill is here!"

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