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ChiliPad - Cooling & Heating Mattress Pad

By: on August 29, 2013
$399 - $999
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This visual sales pitch for the Chilipad, a mattress cover that can cool or heat his and her respective halves of the bed, might be my favorite photo I've seen all summer, and no one is even naked or wielding a sword or dressed like Darth Vader in it. I mean, consider the disparity between the couple, combined with their assigned temperatures. Did she get "Hot" and he "Cold" simply because pink is for girls and blue is for boys? Perhaps. But I think, beneath its incremental, remote-controlled settings of between 46 and 118 degrees F, this Chilipad image is turbocharged with social commentary.

Does the woman also have her Chilipad set to Hot because all non-menopausal women are always cold, and she is just conforming to her gender? (Yes.) And in addition, is this particular woman also Hot as in smokin' hot? (Yes.) And is she maybe too Hot as in horny, bummed that Prince Valium next door can't meet her needs, and calling out to us as her Chilipad audience to step in? (Oh boy, I hope so!)

As for him. Eh, maybe he's Cold as in pleasantly chilled by his Chilipad. Or Cold as in cold ass honky. (Doubtful.) Or maybe he's Cold as in distant. Unavailable. Cheating on her with the girl who grooms their Pomeranian. (More likely.) Or maybe he's Cold as in run cold, as in over and out and impotent. (Haha, sucks for you, dude!)

Chilipads are available in sizes Single through California King, with stops at pretty much every mattress designation you can name in between. Their heating/cooling properties are controlled by a water circulation system, which consumes about 80W of energy on average, which I guess is a lot less than the air conditioner or central heating, though l'm not entirely sure since usually when I get the electrical bill I just say, "Mama! The electrical bill is here!"

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Smartduvet Breeze Heat & Cool Self-Making Bed

$199 from Smartduvet »

The Smartduvet self-making bed - no, really. The bed makes itself. Just watch. And that's old news. Smartduvet is now launching a next generation of their smart bedding, the Breeze, that adds dual-zone climate control...

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Simba Blue Smart Beach Lounger

By: Simba »

The Simba Blue beach lounger is the smart, relaxing, ultra-lazy result of a partnership between the snoozers at Simba Sleep and the beach bums the Blue Marlin resort in Ibiza. Combining Simba's layers of responsive memory...

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The Harambed

It's called The Harambed. Lucid Mattress says it's the bed of your memes. And I know if you've been meming at all over the past year, you've been meming about Harambe, haven't you? Well put on your PJs and snuggle in...

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iNyx - Self-Contained-Bedroom Bed

$9,999 from iNyx »

January 2017 Update: iNyx has now developed its own website. At printing, the online ordering system linked to an iNyx IndieGoGo crowdfunding page here....

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Zombie Apocalypse Bedding

$130 - $160 from It's Alive! Designs »

Think about those nights you bolt upright in bed, heart racing, salty with cold sweat, awakened from a nightmare just before you meet your final doom. Now think about the rush of relief you feel as you take in the solitude...

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The Magic Weighted Blanket

$107.85 - $267.85 from Amazon »

The Magic Weighted Blanket uses a therapeutic approach similar to the Gravity Blanket we saw here last month, with a couple of key differences: 1) The Magic Weighted Blanket is made of baby-bunny-soft chenille and sold...

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Gravity Therapeutic Weighted Blanket

$169 - $209 from Gravity »

The Gravity Blanket is like a big, wraparound, hours-long hug. John Fiorentino created his weighted cover as a therapeutic tool for those who find themselves stressed, anxious, and/or sleepless at night....

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Zerobody Anti-Gravity Bed

The Zerobody is a sensory deprivation float tank that removes the one major P in the A side effect of floating: getting wet. (True, drowning is kind of a pain too, but most of these tanks have only about a foot of water...

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Vibrating Ring Alarm Clock

Ring is a vibrating alarm clock that fits over the finger to gently and noiselessly rip slumberers from their states of peace. It is ideal for couples, the hearing impaired, and people who associate the sound of their...

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King Bed with Doggie Insert

Discontinued

Jason Barton made a king bed with enough room for the King of the Bed. Which means you'll be sleeping on a cut piece of memory foam stuck in the 23" insert tacked onto its side....

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Insect Shield Outdoor Blanket

$29.95 from Amazon »

Remember Insect Shield? They created a military-approved treatment for gear and clothing that tells encroaching insects such as mosquitoes, ticks, flies, and fleas to bug off. You can now mail your clothing to them to...

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NutroVape Inhalable Sleep Aid

$21.99 - $36.99 from Amazon »

You can vape mind-altering herbs, essential oils, and fruity waxes into the evening, but when bedtime hits...and insomnia follows...NutroVape will let you inhale sleep. The self-described "delivery system" stores a cartridge...