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Blood Pool Pillow

By: on August 27, 2012
$15.66
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Everyone will be glad to know this Blood Pool Pillow comes with a 1-year warranty. Like, in case it evaporates or absorbs into the bedsheets or something, I guess. The deep red velvet casing is stuffed to a 3D level of equal parts comfort and distaste, particularly when used while sneaking in a nap at the office. For dogs, the Blood Pool Pillow is also a good prop to haul in when convincing owners who declare, "I'm going to kill you!" upon returning home to shredded couch cushions, gnawed leather shoes, and an assortment of used feminine products strewn about the living room, that you are already dead.

Pillows are amoebic in shape as shown, and sized approximately 22" x 15.7".

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Melting Bloody Hand Candle

$35 from Etsy »

Now here's a bloody handy gift for Halloween. Bryan Lawrence makes these terrifically creepy candles, you guessed it, by hand, using flesh-colored wax for the outer layers of their fingers and palms, and blood-red on...

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Slumber Cloud Cooling Bedding

$49.99 - $210 from Slumber Cloud »

Somewhere between hot and cold there's a comfy, soft, temperate Slumber Cloud. Based on heat-absorbing / heat-releasing technology originally engineered for NASA astronauts, Slumber Cloud bedding includes a complete line...

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Cereal Killer Bowl

$24 from Amazon »

Decimate the Froot Loops, eradicate the Frosted Flakes, eliminate all traces of Trix with the Cereal Killer Bowl. Those Charms may be Lucky before the box is opened, but once once they hit your Dexter-approved bowl, it's...

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Flayed Flesh Garters

Sold Out from Etsy »

Take peek-a-boo garters to the next level: peek-a-boo blood vessels and layers of muscle tissue, courtesy of open-wound prostheses and stocking accoutrements from Etsy's Meaghan O'Keefe. A pair of unpainted latex prostheses...

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Jumbo Shrimp Neck Pillow

$23.99 from Amazon »

Eat shrimp: check. Sleep shrimp: check. Now. Who's gonna make a way to breathe shrimp? The Jumbo Shrimp Neck pillow, curled and cooked to orange perfection, gives shellfish lovers a welcome place to rest their weary heads...

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Sex Positions You Never Thought Possible (NSFW)

$49.98 from Amazon »

Remember that one time you let some chick drag you to hot yoga because she too was hot and you wanted to see her do bendy things in spandex pants, but then you ended up spending the whole class lying on your back trying...

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Punchable USB-Connected Enter Key Pillow

$14.99 from Amazon »

Need to blow off some stress? Just hit Enter. Hard. This USB-connected Enter Key Pillow redefines what it means to punch a QWERTY key. In the best, best possible way. Hook the oversized, tetromino-style pillow into a...

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Acid Trip Pillow

$28.80 from Amazon »

The actual name of this product is Moonlight Pillow. Really? Has the moon been eating Skittles? Did it swallow a gay pride parade? Because the moon I look at has certainly never gleamed the entire Roy G Biv rainbow. Except...

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The Royal Purple No-Pressure Seat Cushion

$139.99 from Amazon »

Check out this video of a dude sitting on an egg without breaking it. It's Purple's most viral-icious way of depicting their seat cushions' #1 selling point: put your butt on a Purple and you'll feel like you're sitting...

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Sleep Suit

If the Ostrich Pillow doesn't provide enough coverage and anonymity for your power naps, how about the patent-pending Sleep Suit? Designed by Architect Forrest Jessee as an experimental medium for testing out Buckminster...

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Celliant Sleep Boomerang Memory Foam Pillow

$99.99 from Amazon »

One time I threw a boomerang and it came back and sliced me in the neck. So I'm glad to see this Boomerang Memory Foam Pillow is here to cradle and support and eliminate pain from my neck, and maybe make some amends for...

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The Privacy Pillow

$32.81 from Amazon »

Sure the Privacy Pillow can store your cash, jewelry, passports, and mint condition first edition Star Wars action figures. Orrrr it can store other types of valuables. Types of which you may find yourself in sudden and...