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Amazon.com E-Gift Cards

By: on December 24, 2015
$50
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You: Crap, the gift I ordered hasn't arrived yet. Arrived busted. Arrived way smaller / bigger / uglier than it looked in the photos. Crap, was I supposed to buy Christmas presents again this year?

Me: No sweat, dude. Thanks to Amazon, the no-est-brainer-est of all holiday gifts requires even less thought and action; you can purchase their Amazon.com E-Gift cards instantly and electronically, and then deliver them to your recipients instantly and electronically, at which point they can use the card value instantly and electronically.

Amazon.com E-Gift cards aren't really any different that E-Gift cards to the iTunes store or Best Buy, except that recipients can't use those gift cards to buy the Taylor Swift 1989 World Tour and Fallout 4 and a Coolest Cooler and a Rare Insect Taxidermy Set, and a 50-pack of extra-soft toilet tissue rolls. Amazon.com is clearly the superior source of everything on earth. Their E-Gift cards are available in any denomination and with the buyer's choice of delivery date (schedule at checkout).

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Earwax Candle Kit

$7.89 from Amazon »

Here comes the Earwax Candle Kit just when you thought you couldn't find the perfect gift for your mom. I don't know about yours but I know my mama loves candles, and also hates waste, and based on the number of used...

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ACME Crates

$150 - $495 from Acme »

I know ACME Crates look like ammo cans filled with manly items of EDC and EDB (Everyday Battle!) but what they really are is...no, wait. That's exactly what they are. ACME Crates are curated collections of tools you might...

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Fully Stocked Swiss Bank Safe

Here's a Swiss bank safe for you to put in your living room. Or your back yard. Your secret catacombs? Somewhere roomy, guarded, and secure, because one thing's for sure: the vault's self-contained 1,619 safe deposit...

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Butterfly Labs Jalapeno Bitcoin Miner

Sold Out from Amazon »

Butterfly Labs' entry level Jalapeno Bitcoin miner sells with a mining rate of 5 G/Hash per second, as well as with an upgrade that bumps its performance to 7 G/Hash per second. And while both are pretty paltry in comparison...

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Coin Card Consolidator

$50 - $100 from Coin »

Since I'm so important I pretty much have cards coming out of my ascending colon. Granted, most of them are for the various sandwich and froyo shops around my town (with one very special exception of a $50 gift card to...

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EDC Money Clip with Hidden Knife

$13.99 from Amazon »

Jbett says their EDC Money Clip, with a fine edge blade hidden like a gooey chocolate center inside, "warrants picking up the tab every time just to show it off." Uh...what? I think if I wanted to make everyone jealous...

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Make It Rain Cash Cannon

$49.99 from The Cash Cannon »

I've heard the saying "Make it rain" was coined in the strip clubs of Atlanta. This rainmaking enabler called the Cash Cannon, however, appears to hail from New York. Maybe the singles sprayer will create a brotherly...

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The Real Deal: Amazon's 10 Best for $25 or Less

Need a cheap gift for a Secret Santa exchange at work? A White Elephant party? A stocking stuffer? Because you're broke? Because you're cheap? You've landed in the right spot, dude. Here are my picks for the 10 best at...

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Mystery Boxes

$40.39 - $56.59 from Firebox.com »

Mystery Boxes are the win-win gift. They make the tedious purchasing and giving process only a molecule more strenuous and demanding of thought than buying a gift certificate to Best Buy or Chick-fil-A, yet their effect...

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Go F Yourself Condom Card

$9.99 - $12.99 from FunnyCondoms.com »

I can think of many people to whom I'd like to send a Go F Yourself card (complete with packaged condom for carrying out the act!) but one dude stands out like a glowing beacon bobbing amidst the sea of the rest. How...

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F**k. The Game

$19.95 from Amazon »

Who would claim you can "get smarter while swearing at your friends?" F**kin' Australia, mates. F**k. The Game is an Aussie issue, and a mind trip of cards and colors and good ol' cussin' for us all. It's a spirited party...

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ManBuckets

$42.99 - $89.99 from Amazon »

Mmmm. Munching on some spicy coated peas from my Sir Racha ManBucket to kick off Saturday morning. To be followed immediately, or whenever my girlfriend says it's ready, by a bacon, mushroom & cheddar frittata drizzled...