Onion Holder & Odor Remover
Some things that suck about raw onions besides the way they linger on my palate and infiltrate every burp I belch for the next 36 hours include: 1) Make me cry like a 9-year-old girl at her guinea pig's funeral when I cut them; 2) Sting the ever-loving Roxanne out of my chewed-up cuticles when I cut them; and 3) Permeate and nest in the skin of my hands such that every lady I try to hit on asks me if I just got off work at White Castle when I cut them. The moral of the story is that cutting onions F'ing sucks.
So I hope this stainless steel onion holder really works, and if it does I'm F'ing getting one. In addition to its mission of expertly keeping onions stable without my having to touch them, the kitchen tool's tines also serve as knife guides for perfectly spaced slicing. Even better bonus: it kind of looks like the pick comb I used to use to brush my hair in 5th grade when my mama let me get a Whitesnake perm. The onion holder has a non-slip santoprene handle for gripping and a stainless steel oval top that solves problem #3 of onion cutting, the cloying odor.