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Viking Hammock

By: on May 05, 2013

The Viking Hammock is one of many pieces of furniture Norse gods and warriors use to bed their wenches. They manage pretty well with it because the Scandinavians are a seafaring people and therefore not prone to motion sickness. What, you didn't know that's an issue for the landlocked? Like, you've never had someone experience a non-alcohol-related attack of nausea on you mid-coitus? Dude. It happens a lot on water beds and items that sway, such as hammocks and circa 1978 mattress frames, and trust me, it is the medical definition of the term "mood killer." So all I'm saying is, non-viking buyers beware.

Jim Zivic's steel-based hammock is fitted with a leather link slink, metal mesh and felt upholstered head and foot boards, a brown royce suede upholstered cushion, 2 shearling pillows, and a shearling throw. It mounts to the ceiling via 4 sturdy, braided steel chains, which pretty much seal the hammock's supremacy in the areas of badness and radness.

Oh yeah, the other reason Zivic's fur and leather swinging sleeper is viking-designated is that to get one you must have either $33,000 or the tenacity and brute strength to pillage it from Ralph Pucci International's showroom.

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Smartduvet Breeze Heat & Cool Self-Making Bed

$199 from Smartduvet »

The Smartduvet self-making bed - no, really. The bed makes itself. Just watch. And that's old news. Smartduvet is now launching a next generation of their smart bedding, the Breeze, that adds dual-zone climate control...

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iNyx - Self-Contained-Bedroom Bed

$9,999 from iNyx »

January 2017 Update: iNyx has now developed its own website. At printing, the online ordering system linked to an iNyx IndieGoGo crowdfunding page here....

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The Harambed

It's called The Harambed. Lucid Mattress says it's the bed of your memes. And I know if you've been meming at all over the past year, you've been meming about Harambe, haven't you? Well put on your PJs and snuggle in...

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Outdoor Rocking Hammock Lounger

$79.99 - $89.99 from Amazon »

I like that this outdoor hammock lounger's design suggests I probably won't flip sideways or spill out onto my belly trying to get in and out of it. But I do have some concerns about ending up ass over teakettle. The...

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Zerobody Anti-Gravity Bed

The Zerobody is a sensory deprivation float tank that removes the one major P in the A side effect of floating: getting wet. (True, drowning is kind of a pain too, but most of these tanks have only about a foot of water...

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The Bird's Nest Bed

The Bird's Nest Bed can accommodate up to 16 people at once. Take note swingers, Mormons, women undergoing IVF treatments, and the Duggar family! The giant basin of comfort was brainstormed and brought to life by O*GE...

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King Bed with Doggie Insert

Discontinued

Jason Barton made a king bed with enough room for the King of the Bed. Which means you'll be sleeping on a cut piece of memory foam stuck in the 23" insert tacked onto its side....

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HiCan - The Never Leave Your Bed Bed

$55k from hi can »

Italian in both slick aesthetics and siesta-time concept, I exaggerate not when I say the HiCan high fidelity canopy bed will persuade its occupants never to leave its ultra-modern, four-poster confines. HiCan designer...

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Jet Beds

Oh boy. The magic of the sky meets the magic of where the magic happens. MotoArt, a group of daring-with-a-touch-of-devious mile-high artists, recycles old jet parts into exclusive, flashy pieces of furniture and home...

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LEVITAT Aerial Mat & Hammock

$100 - $159 from LEVITAT »

Unplug and relax in an oasis for one (or 3) or sweat it out walking the edge and striking a scissor leg side crow pose in the center of the LEVITAT aerial mat and hammock. This combo fitness tool and lounger latches to...

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Vagisoft Clothing

$68 - $108 from Beta Brand »

I know nothing is supposed to connote comfort like a mama's womb, but when Betabrand describes it as "Vagisoft"...ummm...I think of wearing a vagina. Which could be soft. Ish. I guess. If the lady's into grooming. But...

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Hammocraft Floating Hammock Frames

Lazy afternoon in the hammock meets float trip with a coupla coolers of beer and 3 of your best friends. Grab the Bud Light Lime, call Cornelius, Victor, and TJ, and prepare to launch the Hammocraft....