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Rocker Cradle

By: on July 30, 2013

Since wood craftsman Scott Morrison both takes pride in the quality of his work and operates as a one-man show, his design award-winning Rocker Cradle will be cost prohibitive for the vast majority of its admirers. However, just looking at it can warm many of our hearts, as we envision a precious little babushka dozing angelically at our side, or feel yet another flash flood of relief that our girlfriend's positive pregnancy test ended up being a false alarm. A terrible, terrifying false alarm.

Morrison's Rocker Cradle is a combined update of the 18th century's Windsor Nanny Rocker, and incorporation of Sam Maloof's classic rocking chair design. Yeah, I don't know what either one of those things are either. However, constructing the chair in the shape Morrison devised to create flow and interest apparently proved to be challenging, time-consuming, and one more reason for the piece's breath-halting price tag.

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Baby Head Masks

$450 - $500 from Hyperflesh »

People who think babies are angelic and precious, I see your Gerber models, and raise you these three baby head masks. No, make that these three enormous, bulbous, horrifying, spawn-of-Chucky baby head masks. Landon Meier...

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The Baby Shusher

$29 from Amazon »

Either the Baby Shusher shhhhhhh-ing machine is a Nobel Prize-caliber invention, or the baby in that video learned in the womb how to be an Oscar-caliber actor. Arrrgh, that sound, that wailing. I can't think of a noise...

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The Baby Muzzle

$149.99 from Japan Trend Shop »

First we saw the Japanese Shouting Vase, an ABS resin stress-reliever that mutes the wails of angry or frustrated souls who need to unleash their fury without disturbing the peace. Now the brilliant minds of Japan--perhaps...

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In Vitro Baby Branding

Ink, sperm and eggs go in, a financially secure future comes out. In vitro fertilization is expensive, and let's face it, so are babies. What better way to offset the costs, and maybe make a little extra (elbow-elbow)...

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Mission Critical Baby Carrier for Dads

Through September 13th, 2105, click here to enter Dude's Mission Critical Baby Carrier & Daypack giveaway. It's your chance to MOLLE up those diapers, bottles & 6-month-olds with a Baby Carrier and Carrier Daypack combo...

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Infant Circumcision Trainer

$192 from Amazon »

Expecting parents who want to trim the fat from ever-rising hospital bills now have the option to save over $2,000 if they are willing to trim the skin from their newborn sons. Created by Ezra Messer, a mohel with more...

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Baby Thug Onesie

Sold Out from Amazon »

"I just did 9 months on the inside...and now that I'm out, my mom is making me wear an orange onesie that, for some reason, encourages many who see me to double-bump a fist against their chest and flash me two fingers."...

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Skoda Man-Pram

By: Skoda »

At the end of the day, you'll still be a dude pushing around a baby...or a pomeranian...in a stroller, but at least with Skoda's Man-Pram you can mow the fuck over anyone who gives you shit about it....

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Windi the Gaspasser Gas & Colic Reliever

$14.99 from Amazon »

Windi the Gaspasser is one of those WTF products I as a childless dude saw and immediately thought was, in this order: a funny joke; a disgusting not-joke; a sad reality. You basically stick this little (un)plug in your...

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Self-Installing Car Seat

$499.99 from Amazon »

The 4moms self-installing car seat may not be the most sparkly, fun, or pampering gift for new moms to unwrap this holiday season, but it could prove to be the greatest they've ever received. Paired with its watchdog...

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Wearable Diaper Bags for Dads

$89 - $99 from DadGear »

A wearable diaper bag for dads may not sound like it wants to be less humiliating than the Daddle dad saddle for all you new papas out there, but I promise you subtlety is DadGear's primary focus with their baby-ready...

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Star Trek Enterprise Rocker

$195 from Etsy »

It's been awhile--January 2012 to be exact--since I've seen hand-carved Star Trek splendor of this baby rocker's magnitude. Anyone remember the Enterprise coffee table? Maybe in the 4-1/2 years since you bought and set...