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Octopus End Table

By: on September 06, 2016
$813
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Good evening, Sir, I am Mr. Belv-octo-dere. Humbled to be at your service. Yep, that's right. This octopus wants to be your table. He wants to balance your beer and slices of MeatZZa perfectly level all day, all evening, and, when you decide passing out is more important than cleaning up, all night long. Day in. Day out.

Until.

Until the one day he decides to go all Lovecraft on your ass and you wake up to your final, strangled breath of life. Just enough time to realize cephalopods should swim free in the ocean as majestic creatures of the water, not sit frozen in the living room as your 8-legged manservant.

But if you're willing to risk it, the Octopus End Table is made of aluminum and stands 22-1/2" tall x 25-1/2" wide x 24-1/2" deep.

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The Nessie Family Kitchen Utensils

$32.90 from Amazon »

The whole fam Nessie damily would like to take a swim in your kitchen brews and stews. Papa the colander spoon in your cooked pasta. Mama the ladle in your tomato soup and passion fruit punch. And Baby Nessie in your...

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The Wonder Cart Table & Beach Cart

$40.61 from Amazon »

Calling this beach gear cart and table combo The Wonder Cart might be a bit of an overstatement. Sure, it's handy to be able to use the carrier to schlep all your towels and floats to the perfect spot, and then flip it...

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Fletcher Capstan - World's Coolest Expandable Table

World's. Coolest. Not an understatement. Take 10 seconds to watch the Fletcher Capstan expandable table video, and the rest of the day off work to recover from your blown mind. Or maybe you'll disagree that the mesmerizing...

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Keter Cool Bar - Outdoor Table & Cooler

$139.99 from Amazon »

I don't have a lot of space for outdoor furniture, so I like the double duty Keter's Cool Bar has agreed to pull for me. Part side table, part - surprise! - cooler, and it doesn't even look big and clunky, or like an...

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Float Levitating Table

$10k - $20k from Rock Paper Robot »

Oh holy balls, it's a Rubik's Cube with the structural integrity of a marshmallow. In laymen's terms. In technical terms, the Float table is "a matrix of 'magnetized' wooden cubes that levitate with respect to one another."...

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Working Nintendo Controller Coffee Table

$6k from Etsy »

What holds feet, beer, and the controls that will drive your world-record-setting Tetris score? Feast your eyes on the fully-functional Nintendo Controller Coffee Table. Charles Lushear has entwined old school entertainment...

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Steampunk Octopus Door Handles

$700 from Etsy »

If Tolkien went steampunk, these giant octopus door handles would make the perfect substitute for a wizard wielding a sword and staff. Kraken says, You shall not pass!...

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In Case Of Cabinets

$188 from In Case Of »

In case of a zombie, vampire, werewolf, or demon emergency take this tiny sledgehammer, break the glass, and prepare to fight for your life. Or run like a girl while tossing Holy Water over your shoulder. In Case Of cabinets...

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The Don Vino Wine Table

$3,500 - $5k from Chicone »

I'm crowning the Don Vino Wine Table "The Godfather of Wine Storage." Not just because creator Chicone Cabinetmakers has given it the Italian Don honor, but also because it is a unique, classy, and dually functional piece...

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The Abyss Table

$9,960 from Duffy London »

I don't know if falling onto Duffy London's forthcoming oceanic cross-section coffee table will send you into The Abyss, but I can almost guarantee running into it will stub all of your toes and bloody your entire leg...

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Octopus Kite

$48.90 from Amazon »

I don't think the giant 3D Octopus Kite that's for sale is quite the same as the giant 3D Octopus Kite flying in the above video. But maybe your kids won't notice that when, after showing them the graceful cephalopod...

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JAG Communal Grill Table

$2,499 - $2,999 from JAG Grill »

I don't really want a JAG Grill for myself. I mean, it's a lot of money and seems like a lot of work to put together and maintain, and then you have to, like, clean it.... But I am very much in favor of someone I know...