Good evening, Sir, I am Mr. Belv-octo-dere. Humbled to be at your service. Yep, that's right. This octopus wants to be your table. He wants to balance your beer and slices of MeatZZa perfectly level all day, all evening, and, when you decide passing out is more important than cleaning up, all night long. Day in. Day out.
Until the one day he decides to go all Lovecraft on your ass and you wake up to your final, strangled breath of life. Just enough time to realize cephalopods should swim free in the ocean as majestic creatures of the water, not sit frozen in the living room as your 8-legged manservant.
But if you're willing to risk it, the Octopus End Table is made of aluminum and stands 22-1/2" tall x 25-1/2" wide x 24-1/2" deep.