22

Pencil Time Pencils

By: on September 04, 2017

Do you know what time it is? ... It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Going back to school? It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Leaving the kids a list of chores? It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Filling out your order at Umami Sushi? It's Mother Vucking Pencil Time! Voting absentee in the mid-term elections? It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time!

Keyboards, touchscreens, voice assistants - that's a bunch of pansy-ass bullshit there. Over here, we're hard core. We got wood. We got graphite. We got rubber. We got hand cramps and callouses on our middle fingers. We. Know. Cursive.

Because we know, we've always known, and we'll never forget: It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time!

Maybe the only thing better than a 3-pack of metallic pencils announcing that It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time is pencil creator Sharing Machine's advice to buyers ready to indulge in the $2.75 purchase:

"We suggest you also order a print or mug with this, or the shipping cost won't make sense. No tears, please, if you buy these by themselves like a chump and then get mad that the shipping costs more than the pencils."

Ha! Mother Fucking Pencil Time meets Too Mother Fucking Bad Time! Well played, Sharing Machine.

Check it out

Conor McGregor F*ck You Pinstripe Suit

$6,500 from David August »

I don't know how long the rest of the world will remember the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather fight after it's over, but anyone who drops $6,500 on a David August Fuck You pinstripe suit like the one McGregor wore...

Buy Now

The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas (NSFW)

$11.95 from Amazon »

Is further product description really needed? First there was Georgia O'Keefe, now there is author and illustrator Morgan Hastings. Black-and-white outlines of anatomical wonders beg for your acrylic and Crayola technicolor...

Check it out

Think Ink Fidget Pen

$40 from Think Ink Pen »

The Think Ink Pen bends, spins, flips, dismembers and puts itself back together again, and...you don't even want to know what happens when you pull its finger. An entertainer through and through, this pen isn't so much...

Buy Now

Grammar: Know Your Sh*t or Know You're Sh*t

$8.65 from Amazon »

Its not like anyone care about the rules of grammar no more, so Grammar: Know Your Shit or Know You're Shit is really just a weak attempt to belittle and bully today's generation into going back a hundred years to learn...

Buy Now

01 InstruMMent Dimensioning Tool

$99.99 - $149.99 from Amazon »

The 01 InstruMMent dimensioning tool does for those who want an instant, hi-tech means of capturing and recording measurements what the Rollbe does for you looking to keep your tech low. An aluminum cylinder with your...

Check it out

SIGMO Instant 25-Language Voice Translator

Discontinued

When I meet an attractive and well-endowed Portuguese exchange student, I feel that talk is overrated. Body language suits me juuust fine. However, when I'm lost on the streets of Istanbul and the only person willing...

Buy Now

A is for Anus: The Alphabet (For Adults)

$9.99 from Amazon »

This alphabet isn't adult just because A is for Anus, but also because of the accompanying anatomical representation author Max Willy has selected to make sure everyone knows what an anus is. Stick out your pointer finger...

Check it out

Lewd and Obscene Party Game

$24.99 from Lewd and Obscene »

Lewd and Obscene, according to creator Anthony Annese, is what would happen "if Urban Dictionary and Balderdash had a one night stand and the condom broke." Testament #1 to the validity of that statement: mentally rotate...

Check it out

Spinning F Pin

$7.99 from Ball & Chain Co. »

When indecision strikes or words fail you, let fate decide the most appropriate way to F the situation. This enamel pin secures to your lapel where it will always be within finger's reach and ready to spin-a-fuck the...

Buy Now

F**k. The Game

$19.95 from Amazon »

Who would claim you can "get smarter while swearing at your friends?" F**kin' Australia, mates. F**k. The Game is an Aussie issue, and a mind trip of cards and colors and good ol' cussin' for us all. It's a spirited party...

Buy Now

The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions

Sold Out from Amazon »

According to The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions, "Sex curls our toes, sparks our imagination, delightfully stimulates a multitude of sensations, makes us have funny faces, makes us docile and makes us crazy." Apparently...

Buy Now

Disturbed Friends - The Worst Game Ever Made

Sold Out from Amazon »

Consumer drones? Wearables? Self-driving cars (and -walking shoes)? Nah. I think politically incorrect card-based games that at some point make every person playing them feel extremely uncomfortable or self-conscious...