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Sumo Wrestler Table

By: on April 30, 2012
$440.22
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Some things are a matter of taste. This coffee table is a matter of being able to mentally record the face on every person who walks into your living room and identifiesvases, remotes, and crusty dishes from 3 nights ago are being held aloft by a sumo wrestler named Basho. Taken from the Japanese word for tournament, Basho is the solution to all home furnishing conundrums. He's simultaneously slapstick and sophisticated. A utilitarian piece if eye candy. Reverentially ritualistic in his Land of the Rising Sun pose, yet slightly offensive topped with glass, and used to provide easy access to common household items. Best of all, Basho may be the only coffee table ever made that will both exhibit fine taste to your new girfriend, and intimidate the shit out of her nippy little bitchass pug.

Coffee table Basho is cast in designer resin and then handpainted. His glass top is 3/8" thick, pencil-edged, and round tempered for pleasing 360-degree mug, thigh, and ass views. Dimensions are 18" high and 27" in diameter. The Sumo mawashi (belt), stance, and intricately sculpted musculature smack of authenticity. Basho's 38-pound weight, however, does not.

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The Wonder Cart Table & Beach Cart

$36.69 from Amazon »

Calling this beach gear cart and table combo The Wonder Cart might be a bit of an overstatement. Sure, it's handy to be able to use the carrier to schlep all your towels and floats to the perfect spot, and then flip it...

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Fletcher Capstan - World's Coolest Expandable Table

World's. Coolest. Not an understatement. Take 10 seconds to watch the Fletcher Capstan expandable table video, and the rest of the day off work to recover from your blown mind. Or maybe you'll disagree that the mesmerizing...

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Float Levitating Table

$10k - $20k from Rock Paper Robot »

Oh holy balls, it's a Rubik's Cube with the structural integrity of a marshmallow. In laymen's terms. In technical terms, the Float table is "a matrix of 'magnetized' wooden cubes that levitate with respect to one another."...

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The Don Vino Wine Table

$3,500 - $5k from Chicone »

I'm crowning the Don Vino Wine Table "The Godfather of Wine Storage." Not just because creator Chicone Cabinetmakers has given it the Italian Don honor, but also because it is a unique, classy, and dually functional piece...

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Working Nintendo Controller Coffee Table

$6k from Etsy »

What holds feet, beer, and the controls that will drive your world-record-setting Tetris score? Feast your eyes on the fully-functional Nintendo Controller Coffee Table. Charles Lushear has entwined old school entertainment...

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The Abyss Table

$9,960 from Duffy London »

I don't know if falling onto Duffy London's forthcoming oceanic cross-section coffee table will send you into The Abyss, but I can almost guarantee running into it will stub all of your toes and bloody your entire leg...

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JAG Communal Grill Table

$2,499 - $2,999 from JAG Grill »

I don't really want a JAG Grill for myself. I mean, it's a lot of money and seems like a lot of work to put together and maintain, and then you have to, like, clean it.... But I am very much in favor of someone I know...

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Kotatsu Heated Table

Sold Out from Amazon »

Do you have to be a girl to want one of these super-cozy-looking Japanese Kotatsu? Do you have to be a girl to use the term "super-cozy-looking?" Oh well then. Call me a big ol' girl and send me a big ol' heated blanket...

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Trojan Hidden Dining Set

$1,595 from Expand Furniture »

Lift up the Trojan console's skirt and find--surprise!--4 baby Trojan chairs. All ready to pop out at a speed inversely proportional to April the giraffe's calf, and set up alongside the expandable table's foldout leaves...

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Burning Through Cash Table

Amarist Studio and Alejandro Monge hope their cash pyre coffee table will ignite as much discussion as it does 50 Euro bills. The piece is a symbolic reflection on "the volatility of money and its true value," consumerist...

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Sumo Tube Wearable Inflatable Towable

$115.85 from Amazon »

I know. Way too much alliteration for a Wednesday afternoon. To break things up, and appease the boatless, I'll add that the Sumo Wearable Inflatable Towable is also a Wearable Inflatable Surf Suit. And it looks awwwwwwesommmmme!...

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Mucha Liga Tequila

Mucha Liga has made a tag team trio of lucha libre-themed tequilas, and in so doing has also made a fantasy many of us never even knew we had come true. Which mask will you wear ('til you puke 'n' pass out) during your...