Today I will perform for the millions clicking on my YouTube shower curtain a rendition of Mr. Big's "To Be With You" as I lather my hair, followed by a standup routine about how I don't eat bivalves or things that taste like where they came from while the conditioner sets in. Today I will eat Swedish pancakes and maybe go to Costco to stock up on paper products and buy a 20lb bag of spinach. Today I will cut in front of little kids and probably throw a few elbows at the DIY soft-serve ice cream store. Because today, my faceless friends of the Web, is my birthday.
From my ex I received a Sharetape inexplicably filled with the same song by Ugly Kid Joe, which I'll listen to through the cover of my polyester YouTube channel during the neck beard tidying portion of my shower. I might also sob uncontrollably behind the curtain's transparent PVC window. Excuse me for a minute.
OK, I'm OK.
From my mama I received the Sodastream CO2 injection kit, which I jrst tried out. I mayu have gone a little overvoard with the carbonation the first time around. Like, I think I double carbbonated. And now I am both sobbbing and belching hysterically, the effect of which is making me type like someom,e with Tourette's. So pardon the missperllings, but I can't be botheretd to edit my work on this momentous day of lettin gmy narcisssiszm run unchecked. I just want to stare into the mirror and watch tje tears roll down my face. Exuse me for a minute.
Mock YouTube shower curtains make everyone the star of their own viral video or tragic life. Dimensions are 71" x 71", and hooks are included with the curtain's purchase.