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Nuclear Glow Soap

By: on January 07, 2014

United Nuclear's Nuclear Element Glow Soaps will scrub you clean. Clean and genetically modified. Maybe like Spider-Man. Maybe like Sloth from The Goonies.

Fine. You'll still be yourself, unchanged less a spic 'n' span sheen left courtesy of a glow-in-the dark bar of blue plutonium, green uranium, or violet radium. The assortment pack includes one of each, all infused with a unisex rain scent. Soaps also include printed data from the periodic table of elements about their elements' number of protons and...uh...whatever that other stuff is. What am I, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, how should I know?

Nuclear glow soaps can be purchased individually here.

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Tritium Keychains

Discontinued

Two things. One maybe you already know, one probably you don't. 1) Tritium is a radioactive isotope of hydrogen, and its natural occurrence on earth is extremely rare. However, the dopeness that is humankind can produce...

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Whiskey River Sarcastic Soaps

$8.95 from Whiskey River »

Whiskey River Soaps are like modern-day Shakespearean comedies. Insightful in reading people. Precise in their social commentary. Charming and funny. And, to complement our 21st century needs, not tl;dr, and serving more...

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Stack - Infinite Soap Bars

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What if your bar of soap's slivered remains could transform from flat to stacked with no hassle, no waste, and no complex procedures or anesthesia? Simply and terrifically brilliant--like so many Kickstarter projects--Stack...

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Weener Kleener Soap

$9.99 from Amazon »

I don't think that's how you spell "wiener" or "cleaner", but I'm willing to overlook the mistake on account of the fact that my penis has been bugging me for its own soap ever since it got the wrong end of a bar I used...

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The Super Shaver Soap Saver

Discontinued

August 2014 Update: Having received multiple emails from Dude readers noting that they ordered, and paid for, the Super Shaver Soap Saver months ago and have neither never received their product, nor an explanation for...

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Money Duck Soap - Up to $50 in Each Bar

$12.59 from Amazon »

Know someone who could be a little more diligent about washing their hands? Or their body? Just remember, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Or, in this case, you catch more hygienic kids and friends with cash...

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Magnetic Soap Holder

$24.99 from Amazon »

Now this looks like some soap beamed straight down from Captain Kirk's bathroom on the Starship Enterprise. It's hovering there in midair because the pyramid base of the holder has telekinetic powers. And also a couple...

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Trinitite Specimen

$34.60 from Amazon »

You can cook up Trinitite only in a nuclear kitchen. The material comes from the US' nuclear test blast of the Trinity Bomb in New Mexico on July 16, 1945. It was Dr. Frankensteined when the intense heat of the explosion...

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Pheromone-Enhanced Tactical Soap

Tyler Durden doesn't need any help from pheromones to get laid, but, uh, I could maybe use some if they work. And Tactical Soap maker Grondyke Soap Company assures me the evidence suggests that they do. Tactical Soap...

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Wooden Boat Bathtub

Rub-a-dub-dub, I want a wooden boat bathtub. Even more than I want a Hot Tub Tug Boat. Because while the latter may be slightly cooler and more likely to help me win friends and influence people, Unique Wood Design's...

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Know Thy Nuts Soap on a Rope

$14.99 from Movember Store »

I guess the Movember Store's Know Thy Nuts Soap on a Rope looks like a set of testicles. But it also looks like a lopsided butt and a white Grimace from the McDonald's commercials. So it wouldn't just make a great gift...