United Nuclear's Nuclear Element Glow Soaps will scrub you clean. Clean and genetically modified. Maybe like Spider-Man. Maybe like Sloth from The Goonies.
Fine. You'll still be yourself, unchanged less a spic 'n' span sheen left courtesy of a glow-in-the dark bar of blue plutonium, green uranium, or violet radium. The assortment pack includes one of each, all infused with a unisex rain scent. Soaps also include printed data from the periodic table of elements about their elements' number of protons and...uh...whatever that other stuff is. What am I, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, how should I know?
Nuclear glow soaps can be purchased individually here.