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Bathing Bad Meth-Inspired Bath Salts

By: on April 19, 2013
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One time when I was in New Orleans this voodoo lady tried to sell me some bath salts under the guise that they would enlarge my manhood if I soaked in them while listening to Prince's "Sexy MF", but I said, "No thank you, ma'am, I'm allergic to bath salts and I prefer 'Cream' and anyway, I already have a penis the size of a small child." It's all true too. However, after seeing these Bathing Bad meth-inspired bath salts, I may be willing to risk the all-over rash and searing burn that await me. Someone cue the shaboogies.

The latest illegal aquamarine drug knockoff to capitalize on Breaking Bad's popularity, Bathing Bad bath salts are made from all-natural ingredients. This is the first of many ways in which they deviate from the meth they aspire to emulate. Another way is probably that they smell like some sort of flora or citrus fruit. And they likely will not get you high, even if you smoke them. Oh, and the bath salts go into the bathtub, whereas the real meth comes out of it.

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The Horizontal Shower

In paradise, you take a Horizontal Shower. You lie on a smooth, warm slab of tile as 6 falls of water cascade like mermaid kisses onto your tired and thirsty skin. You choose their intensity and temperature, their pattern...

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Breaking Bad RV Incense Burner

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

Ah, the Breaking Bad RV Incense Burner. [Cue nostalgia.] Reminds me just how much I miss the Krystal Ship. I can't believe it's been 4 years since Heisenberg & Pinkman cooked their last batch. I hope things turn out better...

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Inflatable Floating Bathtub

$64.98 from Amazon »

Bathtime anytime! This portable inflatable bathtub fills up for sudsing up in front of the TV, outside the RV, even on the lake. Because, yes, it also floats. And with a zip-up top cover to keep the water warm, built-in...

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Stone Forest Natural Bathtub

Stone Forest calls their bathtub "Natural" for its raw design, a rugged just-rolled-down-the-mountain aesthetic, rather than the precision-cut and polished-to-cold-industrial-modernity one we might expect from this type...

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Walter White Hyperflesh Mask

$22,100 from Ebay »

Worn, signed, and sweated upon by Bryan Cranston himself. Also mingled in: the DNA of Jimmy Fallon and Common, whom the Breaking Bad star let take a turn in this Landon Meier Hyperflesh Walter White mask at Comic-Con...

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My Shiney Hiney Brush Set

$16.88 - $19.98 from Amazon »

Well. I wouldn't argue it isn't dirty. I'm just not sure I care enough to go to the lengths required to make my hiney shiney. I think this cleansing brush set for the bunghole is geared towards women anyway, judging by...

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HotTug - Hot Tub Tug Boat

$14,900 from Hot Tug »

Why thank you, Dutch peoples. I think I would like a wood-fired hot tub in which I can sail, and a tugboat in which I can enjoy warm baths. HotTug is a wood-hulled boat fitted with fiberglass reinforced polyester and...

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Chucky Bath Bomb

I know this Chucky Bath Bomb looks spherical, but take caution while using it. I can almost guarantee you there are some pointy edges hiding in there somewhere....

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i-sopod Sensory Deprivation Float Tank

I used to have a membership to a sensory deprivation tank club (because I am both fancy and bored). What happens is you go into a private room, get naked, and then climb in these completely enclosed, completely pitch...

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T-Rex Skull Shower Head

$20 from Etsy »

He may be dead and decomposed, but that doesn't mean T-Rex isn't still capable of spewing the stink off you. Roman Mirskiy creates his T-Rex Skull Shower Heads on a 3D printer. They're all made from high-quality ABS plastic...

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Breaking Bad Methopoly

Discontinued

Joanne Silverman loves meth. Just kidding. She loves Breaking Bad. I mean, I guess she might love meth too, but probably not because if she did it is unlikely she would have the wherewithal to conceive and create this...

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SOAK Wood-Fired Hot Tub

$3,875 from Ox + Monkey »

"SOAK" is Japanadian for "total body restoration." The BC-based design and fabrication firm Ox + Monkey designed...and fabricated their hot tub after the Japanese Ofuro, a deep soaking tub traditionally made of aromatic...