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Don't F*ck Up the Table Coasters

By: on October 19, 2016
$24.99
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No reason to mince words when it comes to protecting the 300-pound cherry wood table you just bought off Craigslist. Don't fuck up the table, Cornelius! It's a fine piece of furniture that deserves better than a surface full of rings and discoloration from your sweaty Orange Fantas and Midori Sours!

Also, if She-Ra: Princess of Power gets home and sees your glass sitting there without a coaster she'll bitch me out the rest of the night, and then refuse to make me a treat of pumpkin spice jack-o-lantern cupcakes with candy corn facial features for Halloween.

The Don't Fuck Up the Table Coasters are crafted as fine as the message they communicate--hand carved from baltic birch wood, and hand stained and laser etched. Each measures 4" x 4" and is 1/4" thick. Coasters come in sets of 4.

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Swearball - Record & Fling Your Insults

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Loooook into my orb. No really, check out a GIF of one of these Internal Fire Glass vortex spheres. The optical illusion is super trippy. And super... supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Glass artist Scott Pernicka handcrafts...

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Conor McGregor F*ck You Pinstripe Suit

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I don't know how long the rest of the world will remember the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather fight after it's over, but anyone who drops $6,500 on a David August Fuck You pinstripe suit like the one McGregor wore...

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Levitating CUP Zero Gravity Drinkware

$139 - $249 from Levitating CUP »

We've seen levitation around here before. A lot. In speakers. In lamps. In freakin' bonsai trees. But the Levitating CUP still makes me Ooooh and Ahhhh because, well, it contains alcohol. In a dazzling an

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Pencil Time Pencils

$2.75 from Sharing Machine »

Do you know what time it is? ... It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Going back to school? It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Leaving the kids a list of chores? It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Filling out your order at Umami...

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Bar Bones Skull Drink Markers

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Enough with the drink charms shaped like hearts and kitty cats. I need a sinister skull to mind my glass of rose bubbles. Uh, I mean, whiskey. Neat....

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We wondered too, but the answer is no. blk. black bottled water is not part of an SNL skit la black caulk or Colon Blow. It's a real artesian spring water from aquifers in Canada's Sandiland Forest Reserve. And it takes...

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Dripping Glass Jellyfish Sculptures

Daniela Forti creates these sick jellyfish sculptures and sculptural tables that I would definitely break within 5 minutes of owning using a glassworking technique called glass fusion, and a physics technique called gravity....

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Pussy Natural Energy Drink

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So many ways to interpret the Pussy energy drink. Does it give men in need the bravado to get some? Reinvigorate the nether regions of women who aren't in the mood? Inject some downtown youthfulness into cougars on the...

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Lewd and Obscene, according to creator Anthony Annese, is what would happen "if Urban Dictionary and Balderdash had a one night stand and the condom broke." Testament #1 to the validity of that statement: mentally rotate...