Animal Cruelty Laser Mate
Ah perfect. Pets are great... until they impose on us in any manner. Cuddling on the couch and receiving unconditional love? I'm in. Taking them out, walking them, playing with them... that's kind of a nuisance. It really cuts into my "me time". Luckily, we as humans have evolved. We're, like, way smarter than these mental midget mammals. We can invent a toy to play with them for us, and they'll never know the difference. Plus, when we want to give them attention, they'll be all the more willing because they don't get to see us as much. It's really the perfect solution. And, they're so stupid they don't even know they can never really catch that laser. I might get two just to really boggle my cat's mind.