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Animal Cruelty Laser Mate

By: on December 07, 2011
$17.95
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Ah perfect. Pets are great... until they impose on us in any manner. Cuddling on the couch and receiving unconditional love? I'm in. Taking them out, walking them, playing with them... that's kind of a nuisance. It really cuts into my "me time". Luckily, we as humans have evolved. We're, like, way smarter than these mental midget mammals. We can invent a toy to play with them for us, and they'll never know the difference. Plus, when we want to give them attention, they'll be all the more willing because they don't get to see us as much. It's really the perfect solution. And, they're so stupid they don't even know they can never really catch that laser. I might get two just to really boggle my cat's mind.

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Custom Made Lightsabers

$129.99 - $499 from Etsy »

Be advised: Although Phillip Isherwood's custom crafted lightsabers blaze LED spectral force fields of green, red, or blue and arrive with 36" long polycarbonate blades designed for full speed, full contact dueling, he...

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The World's Most Powerful Laser

$299.95 from WickedLasers.com »

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers'...

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Shomer-Tec Laser Surveillance Defeater

$58.39 from Amazon »

All some people (i.e., my girlfriend) want is for people to listen to them. All other people want is for people to stop listening to them. For the first group I can try to extend my attention span to at least 7 minutes...

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445NM Infinity Blue Laser Blaster

$349.99 from Etsy »

Here's a 445NM Infinity Blue Laser Blaster by Tony Starks. I don't know if that's his real name or not, but if so now we know that having just one letter more than Iron Man makes you Laser Man. The trapezoidal-rhomboidal-pieced...

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Cube Laser Virtual Keyboard

$94.93 from Amazon »

Fat-fingered iPad and iPhone users rejoice! Celluon's EPIC Laser Virtual Keyboard, a 63-key QWERTY holograph, projects at full size onto any flat surface, lessening the tediousness of mobile texting and emailing, and...

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The Lasersaber

$99.95 from WickedLasers.com »

With both Comic-Con 2012 and Dude's S3 Arctic Laser Giveaway in full swing, how could we not bring you this feast of power, this champion of Cosplay, this intergalactic harness of pure Storm Blue or Ghostbusters Green...

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Laser Slingshot

$99 from Amazon »

If you're looking for more than a ping! from your slingshot, check out this golden wonder from Assolar*. At a hefty 30+ ounces, this hunting tool comes equipped with a battery-powered laser sight that beams right and...

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Firefly Blue Laser Lamp

Sold Out from Amazon »

I grew up with fireflies. And by that I mean I grew up squashing them and rubbing their bioluminescence on my arms and legs so I too could glow like a superhero or anomaly of evolution. I never saw any blue ones though...

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The World's Most Powerful Flashlight

$199.95 from WickedLasers.com »

It's the 21st century. Who buys a flashlight whose only capability is to shed light anymore? When I'm looking for my 1:12 scale Voltron in the attic, hunting zombies in the Ozarks, or self-examining my throat for the...

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Laser Gloves

Dudes, watch the whole video. Or at least fast forward to the final 20 seconds to behold the reasons why your life will not reach its full potential until it can count Laser Gloves as part of it. The match-igniting, balloon-popping...

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Blown Glass Hermit Crab Shells

It's time to play Big Brother to our hermit crabs. No more covert ops in your sea shells, no more partaking in nefarious activities tucked away out of sight. Robert DuGrenier has your number, you sneaky crustaceans. From...

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Pet Defender Stun Sticks

Arc Angel Industries' Pet Defenders are canes and walking sticks that double as inconspicuous stun guns. So that when you're out plastic baggying little Coco's numero dos to impress his (incredibly hot female that you...