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Cheat Sheet for Men

By: on December 15, 2015
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No, dudes, the Cheat Sheet is not a wallet-sized card designed for recording all of your transgressions (though that probably exists somewhere out there too). In fact, it's almost the opposite: a wallet-sized card for recording all of the vital stats about your wife or girlfriend. The ones that will make her think you noticed, listened, remembered, and care. The ones that will serve as your paddle whenever your boat starts drifting dangerously close to shit creek.

Cheat Sheet seller Appear Thoughtful (heh, heh) calls the card an "epic life hack" and "protector of humanity" for its consolidation of information ranging from your lady's ring and bra size, to her favorite flower and perfume, to her birthday, birth stone, and your anniversary date. There are also a few fill-in lines for the "Other Things You'll Forget."

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Faking It: How to Seem Like a Better Person

$9.01 from Amazon »

...Without Actually Improving Yourself. As a self-help book, Faking It adds a delightful twist: you don't have to journal or meditate or talk about your feelings or change at all to help yourself. You just have to perfect...

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Images You Should Not Masturbate To

$9.95 from Amazon »

If you're wondering if its title is true, feed your curiosities with the photo of the dog that looks like George Costanza's mom in this book of Images You Should Not Masturbate To. And I thought the salt shaker was bad....

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ACME Crates

$150 - $495 from Acme »

I know ACME Crates look like ammo cans filled with manly items of EDC and EDB (Everyday Battle!) but what they really are is...no, wait. That's exactly what they are. ACME Crates are curated collections of tools you might...

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TheTouch Real-Time Heartbeat Rings

$599 - $2,990 from The Touch »

Want to feel close to a loved one far away? Or in the next room when it's too much work to get up off the couch? As part of their mission to "make the most personal connecting tools," TheTouch is finishing up development...

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The Womanizer (NSFW)

$189 from Amazon »

Ladies and their lady parts must really like this Womanizer contraption and its suction cuppy O-face of a tip because this is one sex toy I keep: 1) reading about in major publications; 2) hearing all my girlfriend's...

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Earwax Candle Kit

$7.89 from Amazon »

Here comes the Earwax Candle Kit just when you thought you couldn't find the perfect gift for your mom. I don't know about yours but I know my mama loves candles, and also hates waste, and based on the number of used...

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Mystery Boxes

$40.39 - $56.59 from Firebox.com »

Mystery Boxes are the win-win gift. They make the tedious purchasing and giving process only a molecule more strenuous and demanding of thought than buying a gift certificate to Best Buy or Chick-fil-A, yet their effect...

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The Real Deal: Amazon's 10 Best for $25 or Less

Need a cheap gift for a Secret Santa exchange at work? A White Elephant party? A stocking stuffer? Because you're broke? Because you're cheap? You've landed in the right spot, dude. Here are my picks for the 10 best at...

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Objects of Desire (NSFW)

$26.38 from Amazon »

Everyone's all on about the advancements in the computer industry. The cell phone industry. The automotive industry. But what about the sex toy industry? Isn't it about time they got the props they deserve for the groundbreaking...

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Momentary Ink - Try on Your Custom Tattoo

$15 - $21 from Momentary Ink »

I wanted my girlfriend to dress up as the hot chick from Blindspot for Halloween so I could test out these Momentary Ink custom tattoos on her, but she was all, No! Absolutely not! I have a trial starting Thursday and...

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Penis Tuxedo

$29.95 from LELO »

How long has it been since someone said your penis looks "dapper?" For me, the answer is an emphatic "too long." The same goes for "snazzy," "handsome," and "just like Jon Hamm." I can only hope LELO's new TUX, a penis...

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Diamond Ring Candles

$24.95 from Diamond Candles »

Diamond Candles makes candles (duh) with embedded diamonds (du...really?) Each candle is guaranteed to contain a sparkly ring for its burner to discover as the wax diminishes. Granted, they're not all diamonds, and they're...