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Tactical Laser-Guided Pizza Cutter

By: on December 18, 2013
Tactical Laser-Guided Pizza Cutter
$19.99
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Necessity, she is the mother of invention. Even if it takes decades--no, centuries!--of jagged edges and misshapen triangles. Of someone popularizing the word "rustic" to justify the serving of sloppy, ugly food. Necessity always catches up, always solves the problem. And this time, necessity's solution to man's inability to cut a pizza evenly and in a straight line is ThinkGeek's laser/flashlight scope attachment for man's pizza cutter.

I know what you're thinking: isn't the pizza cutter itself, a reappropriation of man's ultimate invention of the wheel, the invention that addressed the issue of pizza slice unevenness and inequality? Puh. Maybe for people with the steady hands of a surgeon or Vegas cocktail waitress. But what about the rest of us? And by the rest of us, I mean those of us who eat pizza mostly when we are drunk or stoned, and therefore in dire need of additional assistance with A) cutting a straight line, and B) portioning pie shares such that my friend and greedy MF Cornelius doesn't get 1.5 times the thick crust pepperoni and mushroom that I do.

Also, I like me some lasers, and I like the idea of being tactical, and using a laser scope to cut a pizza is going to be the closest thing to a tactical activity I ever do in my life.

The tactical laser-guided pizza cutter includes a detachable Class I laser pointer and flashlight, and is compatible with the Picatinny tactical rail system.