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Pumpkin Tap Kit

By: on October 15, 2013
$34.15
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An easily-assembled pumpkin tap for your easily-chugged pumpkin beers. In order of tastiness, according to Boston.com, those would be:

  • Wolaver's Pumpkin Ale
  • Dogfish Head Punkin
  • Hoppin Frog Barrel Aged Frog's Hollow Double Pumpkin Ale
  • Smuttynose Pumpkin Ale
  • Ithaca Beer Company Country Pumpkin
  • Fisherman's Imperial Pumpkin Stout

And the worst: Southern Tier's Pumking for being "overpowering and unpleasant."

Make your own pumpkin tap by--muahahaha--slaying and gutting a pumpkin and carving out a pour hole for the screw-in, chrome-plated brass shank and faucet. Pumpkins can also hold and serve mixed drinks. And guess what else: when summer rolls back around, so too can watermelons. Wow! That makes 2 healthy pieces of produce that can double as makeshift alcohol dispensers and makeshift MJ bongs.

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The BevBuckle - Retractable Drink Holder Belt Buckle

$24.95 - $34.95 from BevBuckle »

The BevBuckle is business in the front...wait...nah. It's a chunky metal belt buckle with your choice of anything from a longhorn to a largemouth bass on it that flips down to form a perfectly sized, perfectly stable...

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Chill-O-Matic Automatic Drink Chiller

$25 from Amazon »

The Chill-O-Matic is for when your friend Cornelius takes the last sodie from the fridge and doesn't. Put. More. In! Cornelius, you jackass! It's like, it's like...what's that, Sugar Lips? Huh. She-Ra: Princess of Power...

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7pipe Twisty Glass Blunt

$44.99 from 7pipe »

My favorite part of 7pipe's Twisty Glass Blunt video is the shot of a lady taking a hit off one and then blowing out birthday candles. Good stuff in, bad stuff out, and now we eat cake!...

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Menorah Bong

$699.99 from 420 Science »

420 Science breaks it out only once a year, so if a 14" long, 8-bowled glass Grav Labs Menorah bong is what you've been foregoing 20 sacks and Gordita Supremes for since May, here's your chance to turn your pipe dream...

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Dual Beer Glass

$35 from Etsy »

At first I thought the Dual Beer Glass was intended for sampling two different types of beers at once, and I was like, How the dickens am I supposed to keep one from spilling all over my crotch when I'm drinking the other?...

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The Knockout Beer/Water/Gravity Bong

$40 from The Knockout »

I used to prefer my knockouts served as Fireball shots and right hooks, but this Knockout, a new twist on the beer bong, might leave those standards unconscious and bleeding from the ear on the floor. Designed for attachment...

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Snake Venom - World's (New) Strongest Beer

$78 from Firebox.com »

At this time last year, the World's Strongest Beer was Armageddon, a 330 mL bottle of malt, hops, a little sweetness, and an awesome 65% ABV crafted by Scottish brewery Brewmeister. This year, the World's New Strongest...

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HOPii Personal Micro-Brewery

$399 - $599 from HOPii »

HOPii on one foot and do a little jig, beer lovers. This little micro-brewery is coming to ferment your favorite craft beers right from your kitchen countertop. HOPii is your personal brewmaster. Really, the machine is...

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Biersafe Underground Beer Cooler

$67 - $117 from Biersafe »

The Biersafe Underground Beer Cooler is a smaller, simpler, and much cheaper version of a design I first saw in the eCool cooler. The Biersafe removes some of the nifty engineering of the eCool - like, instead of using...

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Beer Tree Gravity-Fed Home Brewer

Are normal home brewing kits typically boring and ugly? I don't really know, as I focus more on drinking beer than making beer (best to funnel all of your energy into a single channel and dominate it!) but whatever normal...

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Stanley Stein Hockey Beer Mug

$58.88 from Amazon »

I don't always watch hockey, but when I do...I prefer to do it drunk of my ass so I find it more entertaining. This beer mug incarnation of the Stanley Cup looks like a great way to achieve drunk off my ass with a quickness....

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Roll-uh-Bowl Portable Bong

$34.99 from Amazon »

Roll-uh-Bowl is your foldable, portable, indestructible bong on the go. A waterpipe for the adventurer, the backwoods trekker, the beach bum, the guy who drops, knocks, and sits on things a lot. Roll-uh-Bowl folds and...