Electric Nut Butter Maker

By: on January 18, 2013
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To illustrate what awaits future owners of a Nut Butter Maker (i.e., my mama), I have included photos of some of the pulverized-peanut-themed treats I would like to have made for me. From left to right, they include:

  • A peanut butter, banana & bacon sandwich--toasted as pictured, por favor.
  • Peanut butter frosted donuts topped with bananas & bacon (I like the combo not only for its toothsomeness, but also for its extraordinarily high protein, potassium, carbohydrate, sugar, fat, and calorie content.)
  • Peanut butter cup chocolate Rice Krispies treats. With homemade peanut butter cups, of course. And homemade Rice Krispies. I'm sure you can figure it out, Mama. Oh man, my mouth is watering and hands grasping for the Menagerie of Mechanized Happiness Pipe just thinking about them.
  • A peanut butter cream pie. Two if anyone else wants a piece.
  • Peanut butter fudge. Because the only way to improve upon pure nut fat is to add pure cow fat.

As the name suggests, Nostalgia Electrics' Nut Butter Maker churns any old nut, though some require the addition of oil and, in the cases of soy nuts and sunflower seeds, a certain amount of lunacy. Why defile the Maker's blades and 150 watts of power with that hippe crapola that tastes like the droppings from freshly milled 2 x 4s? Why? I do, however, approve of almonds, cashews, pistachios, and macadamias. Maybe hazelnuts if they promise not to give me 7 days of hives and constipation like that one time.

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