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Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller

By: on June 29, 2013
$25
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The Corkcicle for girly white and pink wine now has a version for manly yellow and brown beer. After 45 minutes in the freezer, Chillsners insert into and latch onto bottles of brew to maintain optimal ice coldness from swig one to swig final (in my case, swig 3. Just one more thing the Tootsie Roll Pop owl and I have in common.)

Now there are some beers out there, predominantly those savored by the peoples of the Pacific Northwest, that taste like a skunk's anus no matter what their temperature is, but there are others, such as Heineken, that acquire this flavor only as their chill wanes. For the second group of suds, Chillsner can save its partakers from having to choose between guzzling their beers as fast as possible, or sipping slowly on the essence of rodent assholes. Once inserted, Chillsner's 4 flow vents enable a smooth, normal stream of beer from the bottle's mouth, while its rubber stopper creates an airtight seal to prevent side leakage.

Chllsners are sold by the pair because only losers feeling sorry for themselves even though there are starving children in Africa drink alone.

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Dual Beer Glass

$35 from Etsy »

At first I thought the Dual Beer Glass was intended for sampling two different types of beers at once, and I was like, How the dickens am I supposed to keep one from spilling all over my crotch when I'm drinking the other?...

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HOPii Personal Micro-Brewery

$399 - $599 from HOPii »

HOPii on one foot and do a little jig, beer lovers. This little micro-brewery is coming to ferment your favorite craft beers right from your kitchen countertop. HOPii is your personal brewmaster. Really, the machine is...

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The Knockout Beer/Water/Gravity Bong

$40 from The Knockout »

I used to prefer my knockouts served as Fireball shots and right hooks, but this Knockout, a new twist on the beer bong, might leave those standards unconscious and bleeding from the ear on the floor. Designed for attachment...

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Snake Venom - World's (New) Strongest Beer

$78 from Firebox.com »

At this time last year, the World's Strongest Beer was Armageddon, a 330 mL bottle of malt, hops, a little sweetness, and an awesome 65% ABV crafted by Scottish brewery Brewmeister. This year, the World's New Strongest...

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Biersafe Underground Beer Cooler

$67 - $117 from Biersafe »

The Biersafe Underground Beer Cooler is a smaller, simpler, and much cheaper version of a design I first saw in the eCool cooler. The Biersafe removes some of the nifty engineering of the eCool - like, instead of using...

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Beer Tree Gravity-Fed Home Brewer

Are normal home brewing kits typically boring and ugly? I don't really know, as I focus more on drinking beer than making beer (best to funnel all of your energy into a single channel and dominate it!) but whatever normal...

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Stanley Stein Hockey Beer Mug

$58.95 from Amazon »

I don't always watch hockey, but when I do...I prefer to do it drunk of my ass so I find it more entertaining. This beer mug incarnation of the Stanley Cup looks like a great way to achieve drunk off my ass with a quickness....

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Igloo Party Bar Cooler with LiddUp Lighting

$154.37 from Amazon »

The Igloo Party Bar Cooler keeps the party lit up all night long courtesy of LiddUp technology. About 4 years ago, startup LiddUp sought crowdfunding for its own illuminated cooler. The campaign didn't quite hit its goal...

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Lolo Lids Covert Beer Koozies

$9.48 - $11.49 from Amazon »

Drink your beer on the down Lolo with this lid of subterfuge. Disguised as a to-go coffee lid, the Lolo fits over a can of beer, which then slides into most any large paper coffee cup to form a covert koozie. Sneaky...

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Tactical Beer Mug

$224.99 - $249.99 from Optics Planet »

According to the cats in the OPMOD Battle Mug video, you can do everything with this souped up, military-spec, solid aluminum beer stein that you can do with your AR. Deck it out with a scope, laser sight, holo sight...

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Shower Beer

By: Snask »

Shower Beer sounds like a bottle of ale-scented novelty soap. Which would be cool. But what Shower Beer really is is even better: a 6-ounce bottle of actual pale ale conceived and packaged to be downed in 3 perfect gulps...

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ManCan Personal Keg System

$195 - $265 from ManCan »

Now this is the kind of "water reservoir" I'm talking about. The ultimate in hiking hydration, or portable happy hour, the ManCan is a personal keg system complete with a stainless steel keg, 2-stage Regulator System...