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Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller

By: on June 29, 2013
$19.95
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The Corkcicle for girly white and pink wine now has a version for manly yellow and brown beer. After 45 minutes in the freezer, Chillsners insert into and latch onto bottles of brew to maintain optimal ice coldness from swig one to swig final (in my case, swig 3. Just one more thing the Tootsie Roll Pop owl and I have in common.)

Now there are some beers out there, predominantly those savored by the peoples of the Pacific Northwest, that taste like a skunk's anus no matter what their temperature is, but there are others, such as Heineken, that acquire this flavor only as their chill wanes. For the second group of suds, Chillsner can save its partakers from having to choose between guzzling their beers as fast as possible, or sipping slowly on the essence of rodent assholes. Once inserted, Chillsner's 4 flow vents enable a smooth, normal stream of beer from the bottle's mouth, while its rubber stopper creates an airtight seal to prevent side leakage.

Chllsners are sold by the pair because only losers feeling sorry for themselves even though there are starving children in Africa drink alone.

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Igloo Party Bar Cooler with LiddUp Lighting

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The Igloo Party Bar Cooler keeps the party lit up all night long courtesy of LiddUp technology. About 4 years ago, startup LiddUp sought crowdfunding for its own illuminated cooler. The campaign didn't quite hit its goal...

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Biersafe Underground Beer Cooler

$67 - $117 from Biersafe »

The Biersafe Underground Beer Cooler is a smaller, simpler, and much cheaper version of a design I first saw in the eCool cooler. The Biersafe removes some of the nifty engineering of the eCool - like, instead of using...

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Dual Beer Glass

$35 from Etsy »

At first I thought the Dual Beer Glass was intended for sampling two different types of beers at once, and I was like, How the dickens am I supposed to keep one from spilling all over my crotch when I'm drinking the other?...

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Herb & Lou's Cocktail-Infused Ice Cubes

$15.99 from Herb & Lou's »

Melted, not stirred. Herb & Lou's Infused Cubes arrive as 3 things waiting to happen: 1) 12 blocks of ice; 2) 12 rounds of tasty cocktails; and 3) 12 times the good times, since you won't have to play bartender all night....

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The Knockout Beer/Water/Gravity Bong

$40 from The Knockout »

I used to prefer my knockouts served as Fireball shots and right hooks, but this Knockout, a new twist on the beer bong, might leave those standards unconscious and bleeding from the ear on the floor. Designed for attachment...

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BTO Cooler Stackable Drink Koozies

$19.98 from Amazon »

Double fisters, rejoice! The BTO Cooler turns the average koozie into a stackable drink holder and insulator so you'll never be without a cold one - or tower of cold ones - in hand....

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Snake Venom - World's (New) Strongest Beer

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At this time last year, the World's Strongest Beer was Armageddon, a 330 mL bottle of malt, hops, a little sweetness, and an awesome 65% ABV crafted by Scottish brewery Brewmeister. This year, the World's New Strongest...

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Cannonball Beer Growler

$79 from Amazon »

BOOM! Father's Day gift for Dad, done. And your sister will never think to pair cannonballs and beer like Terracotta Republic did with this sweet ceramic growler, so even if you lost Mother's Day to her, you'll definitely...

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Peacher Sonic Beer Foamer for Cans

$29.99 from Amazon »

I've seen sonic beer foamers, and even sonic beer foamers, before, but one nice thing about Peacher's is that the device performs its head-making, draft-tasting magic on canned beer while it's still in the can. You don't...

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Beer Tree Gravity-Fed Home Brewer

Are normal home brewing kits typically boring and ugly? I don't really know, as I focus more on drinking beer than making beer (best to funnel all of your energy into a single channel and dominate it!) but whatever normal...

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Das Can-in-Stein Beer Holder

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Hate to say it, but Das Can-in-Stein seems kinda like a sippy cup for beer drinkers. Not that it will prevent dudes from dribbling when they take a swig, but that the tankard's lid will keep the ones who have had too...

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Stanley Stein Hockey Beer Mug

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I don't always watch hockey, but when I do...I prefer to do it drunk of my ass so I find it more entertaining. This beer mug incarnation of the Stanley Cup looks like a great way to achieve drunk off my ass with a quickness....