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Tuesday, August 19, 2014
$5.99 - $24.99 from Snack Innovators »

Cherkees. They're not just potatoes deep fried in liquid smoke. These are straight up hybrids. Interminglings of gene pools. Culinary mutts of joy. Mr. Potato Head eating a fat T-bone steak. Cherkees entwine real potatoes...

Wednesday, August 22, 2012
$59.99 from Amazon »

I must have stumbled upon the end of a rainbow because Jack. Pot. My days of spending 15 minutes crouched over my cereal bowl picking out all the boring healthy* brown bits from Lucky Charms are about to be as over as Peyton...

Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

Nom, nom, nom. It's Hasenpfeffer meets the next-generation three wolf moon shirt. Your days of gnawing on leathery old rabbit parts that taste like a combination of barnyard and the positive ends of AA batteries are over. These fresh whole rabbits epitomize the concept of communing with nature, making man and beast one, and keeping Montezuma the F out of your GI tract. They're also the perfect...

Thursday, June 28, 2012
$11.39 from Amazon »

Red Bull creator Chaleo Yoovidhya died in March 2012, leaving behind an unparalleled energy drink phenomenon and industry. Not since Coca-Cola and YouTube spectacles involving numerous tabs of Alka Seltzer has a carbonated...

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Usually if beef jerky burns as it travels down my throat it's because I bit off a fat hunk and didn't chew it enough and the burn is due to an oversized mass of dehydrated meat threatening to puncture my esophagus as it lumbers...

Friday, August 2, 2013
$34 from Epic »

I know what you're thinking: that is a slab of jerky with the inexplicable addition of dried fruit and a fancy wrapper. And I say, yeah, OK. That's one way to look at Epic grass-fed meat bars. But having tried the Bison Bacon & Cranberry flavor myself--when I was in New Orleans this nice young lady noticed me staring at hers, and gave me a bite in exchange for my word that I would go away and stop...

Sunday, February 10, 2013
$17.50 from Amazon »

You know what contentious pop culture debate on which I have no opinion? Nutella vs. Peanut Butter. Seriously Internet forums? You're warring over this? Each is a transcendentally delicious standout in the world of spreads....

Sunday, December 11, 2011
$6.90 from Amazon »

Not since Grow Toys and Sea Monkeys has the simple addition of water created a miracle of Powdered Peanut Butter caliber. Obviously, the 85% reduction in fat and calories renders it more a loose approximation of peanut butter...

Saturday, April 13, 2013
$29.50 from Nutshot »

Like SEXCEREAL, NutShot Peanut Butter capitalizes on branding, as it is nothing more than a jar full of pulverized peanuts manufactured in both chunk and chunk-free form. And while that itself is one of NutShot creator Marcus...

Sunday, July 1, 2012
$37.89 from Protica »

Normal ketchup is basically tomato sauce and corn syrup. Protein Ketchup is basically tomato sauce and corn syrup that have been kicked in the face by Chuck Norris and are therefore jacked up with 15 grams of Pure. Patent...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Sold Out from Amazon »

This is just what little kids need. Actually, I can see this paired with a big fat slab of marijuana chocolate housed between two graham crackers. Wonderin' why I can't sleep at 2am. Rememberin' why at 4am. So worth it at...

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

The only reasons I can think of to eat beer-flavored potato chips are that I like beer and I like potato chips. And I don't like dipping my potato chips in my beer because when one absorbs too much liquid and breaks off to...

Tuesday, December 18, 2012
$15.99 from Animi Causa »

Pulling one of these popsicle rabbits out of the hat is way more fun than producing a real one because 1) Flavored ice is 100% less likely to bite you and 2) It is immediately edible--no carrots, onions, red wine, or heat...

Monday, November 19, 2012
$11.22 - $14.18 from Nationwide Candy »

Jack's getting Jack'd. Cracker Jack'd packs, permutations of the beloved caramelized popcorn, will begin shipping on December 22, 2012 in a host of flavors and mixes--two of which will be shot up with 70 mg of caffeine per...

Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Sold Out from Amazon »

This just might be the stuff I need to get me through the next movie I have to watch with my girlfriend. I mean, I'm not a little kid, so I don't really eat popcorn, but it could work. Who could stay awake for an entire movie...

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