Snacks

Halfpops - Half-popped Popcorn

$19.99 from Amazon »

Halfpops are the Hans & Franz of popcorn. Where sissy girly men might eat airy, puffy, pouf clouds for snacks, real Alphas eat Halfpops. Halfpops take your regular popcorn kernels and [clap] pump them up. Less popping...

Cherkees - Real Beef Jerky Potato Chips

$5.99 - $24.99 from Snack Innovators »

Cherkees. They're not just potatoes deep fried in liquid smoke. These are straight up hybrids. Interminglings of gene pools. Culinary mutts of joy. Mr. Potato Head eating a fat T-bone steak. Cherkees entwine real potatoes...

Whiskey Beef Jerky

Usually if beef jerky burns as it travels down my throat it's because I bit off a fat hunk and didn't chew it enough and the burn is due to an oversized mass of dehydrated meat threatening to puncture my esophagus as...

Epic Fruity Meat Bars

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I know what you're thinking: that is a slab of jerky with the inexplicable addition of dried fruit and a fancy wrapper. And I say, yeah, OK. That's one way to look at Epic grass-fed meat bars. But having tried the Bison...

NutShot Peanut Butter

$29.50 from Nutshot »

Like SEXCEREAL, NutShot Peanut Butter capitalizes on branding, as it is nothing more than a jar full of pulverized peanuts manufactured in both chunk and chunk-free form. And while that itself is one of NutShot creator...

Nutella & Go! Snack Packs

$16.99 from Amazon »

You know what contentious pop culture debate on which I have no opinion? Nutella vs. Peanut Butter. Seriously Internet forums? You're warring over this? Each is a transcendentally delicious standout in the world of spreads....

Magician's Rabbit Popsicles

$15.99 from Animi Causa »

Pulling one of these popsicle rabbits out of the hat is way more fun than producing a real one because 1) Flavored ice is 100% less likely to bite you and 2) It is immediately edible--no carrots, onions, red wine, or...

Caffeinated Cracker Jacks

$11.22 - $14.18 from Nationwide Candy »

Jack's getting Jack'd. Cracker Jack'd packs, permutations of the beloved caramelized popcorn, will begin shipping on December 22, 2012 in a host of flavors and mixes--two of which will be shot up with 70 mg of caffeine...

Beer-Flavored Potato Chips

The only reasons I can think of to eat beer-flavored potato chips are that I like beer and I like potato chips. And I don't like dipping my potato chips in my beer because when one absorbs too much liquid and breaks off...

8lb Bag of Cereal Marshmallows

$39.99 from Amazon »

I must have stumbled upon the end of a rainbow because Jack. Pot. My days of spending 15 minutes crouched over my cereal bowl picking out all the boring healthy* brown bits from Lucky Charms are about to be as over as...

Protein Ketchup

$37.89 from Protica »

Normal ketchup is basically tomato sauce and corn syrup. Protein Ketchup is basically tomato sauce and corn syrup that have been kicked in the face by Chuck Norris and are therefore jacked up with 15 grams of Pure. Patent...

Original Thai Red Bull

$9.27 from Amazon »

Red Bull creator Chaleo Yoovidhya died in March 2012, leaving behind an unparalleled energy drink phenomenon and industry. Not since Coca-Cola and YouTube spectacles involving numerous tabs of Alka Seltzer has a carbonated...

Fresh Whole Rabbit

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Nom, nom, nom. It's Hasenpfeffer meets the next-generation three wolf moon shirt. Your days of gnawing on leathery old rabbit parts that taste like a combination of barnyard and the positive ends of AA batteries are over....

Powdered Peanut Butter

$6.67 from Amazon »

Not since Grow Toys and Sea Monkeys has the simple addition of water created a miracle of Powdered Peanut Butter caliber. Obviously, the 85% reduction in fat and calories renders it more a loose approximation of peanut...

Stay Puft Caffeinated Gourmet Marshmallows

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This is just what little kids need. Actually, I can see this paired with a big fat slab of marijuana chocolate housed between two graham crackers. Wonderin' why I can't sleep at 2am. Rememberin' why at 4am. So worth it...

Biofuel Caffeinated Popcorn

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This just might be the stuff I need to get me through the next movie I have to watch with my girlfriend. I mean, I'm not a little kid, so I don't really eat popcorn, but it could work. Who could stay awake for an entire...