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Gummi Army Guys

By: on October 13, 2012
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These aren't just Gummi Army Guys. These are 5 pounds of Gummi Army Guys. If I ate all of them, I would be 5 pounds heavier. Until I projectile vomited faster than the speeding bullets the GIs are ammo'd up with, at which point I would walk away 6 to 8 pounds lighter. So that's, like, reason number 73 to buy a bag of artificially apple-flavored high fructose corn syrup and green dye no. 3 military dudes. (Numbers 1 through 72 are because gummi products are F'in delicious.)

I wonder who would win in a battle between Gummi Army Guys, Sriracha Bomb Lollipops, and Ghost Pepper Candy Balls. My money's on the rooster. Explosively hot, trained cock fighter, and universally revered is a triple threat that would be hard to bring down. Sorry, green men and Mexican chiles.

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Jagdkommando Knife

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If you're looking to stab someone in the back, knife them in the heart, or just royally screw them over, Microtech's MCT1057 Jagdkommando fixed blade knife is the definitive way to do it. A version of the manufacturer's...

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Tec Torch Thermal Breaching Tool

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I recommend watching the above video in its entirety. Not only because M4X Punisher demo damsel Kaila* is adorable, but also because she becomes even more adorable after she completes her successful attack on that coconut...

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Tactical Beer Mug

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According to the cats in the OPMOD Battle Mug video, you can do everything with this souped up, military-spec, solid aluminum beer stein that you can do with your AR. Deck it out with a scope, laser sight, holo sight...

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Anatomical Gummi Bears

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This anatomical view of what lies beyond the high fructose corn syrup and Yellow Dye No. 5 of their epidermises paints Gummi Bears in a new light. Gives them some identity. Some humanity. Makes me feel kind of bad for...

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26-Pound Gummy Python

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Dry Brew Coffee Chews

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Han Solo Carbonite Chocolate Bar

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Bulk Single Flavor Candy

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