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Lip Chaser Liquor Buddy

By: on April 10, 2013
Discontinued

Don't be too disappointed that Lip Chaser shot follow-ups contain no alcohol. Your shot will still have plenty of it, and Lip Chasers replace the booze with something much, much better: making out. An edible coating applied to the kisser, the 99.9% natural chaser eases the blow of potent shots with a sweet palate calmer delivered in an even sweeter vessel that will likely render everything that isn't the palate anything but calm. Unless you're kissing a duckface, I guess.

Lip Chaser applies like any lip balm and remains in place until someone kisses, licks, sucks, or, if you're misfortunate, tooth-scrapes it off. Ingredients include:

  • Invert sugar, a honey-like syrup made of refined cane sugar. I know at least one bear who's gonna dig that.
  • Organic citric acid to enhance flavor and serve as a natural preservative.
  • Organic malic acid, another flavor enhancer. Malic sounds like Malin, which makes me think of Malin Akerman, who I would absolutely consider a flavor enhancer.
  • Natural flavor. The secret ingredient. I bet it's meth.
  • Coconut oil, an adhesive and natural moisturizer. So if you apply Lip Chaser and then find out no one wants to kiss you it's not a total waste.
  • Food coloring, the only artificial ingredient in the pack. I wonder what it looks like without the fake colors. My pick: The water Bob Ross dips his paint brushes in.

Lip Chaser liquid kissing candy comes in flavors Cherry and Lime. Excuse me sir, could I please have one shot of tequila? What? What do you mean this is a post office?

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