38

Lip Chaser Liquor Buddy

By: on April 10, 2013
Discontinued

Don't be too disappointed that Lip Chaser shot follow-ups contain no alcohol. Your shot will still have plenty of it, and Lip Chasers replace the booze with something much, much better: making out. An edible coating applied to the kisser, the 99.9% natural chaser eases the blow of potent shots with a sweet palate calmer delivered in an even sweeter vessel that will likely render everything that isn't the palate anything but calm. Unless you're kissing a duckface, I guess.

Lip Chaser applies like any lip balm and remains in place until someone kisses, licks, sucks, or, if you're misfortunate, tooth-scrapes it off. Ingredients include:

  • Invert sugar, a honey-like syrup made of refined cane sugar. I know at least one bear who's gonna dig that.
  • Organic citric acid to enhance flavor and serve as a natural preservative.
  • Organic malic acid, another flavor enhancer. Malic sounds like Malin, which makes me think of Malin Akerman, who I would absolutely consider a flavor enhancer.
  • Natural flavor. The secret ingredient. I bet it's meth.
  • Coconut oil, an adhesive and natural moisturizer. So if you apply Lip Chaser and then find out no one wants to kiss you it's not a total waste.
  • Food coloring, the only artificial ingredient in the pack. I wonder what it looks like without the fake colors. My pick: The water Bob Ross dips his paint brushes in.

Lip Chaser liquid kissing candy comes in flavors Cherry and Lime. Excuse me sir, could I please have one shot of tequila? What? What do you mean this is a post office?

Check it out

Vapshot Vaporized Alcohol System

$1,299 from Vapshot »

The Vapshot Mini Home System is a countertop liquor vaporizer. It looks kinda like an air pump at the gas station. It acts kinda like one too. Except instead of pumping on a hose to inflate your Goodyears, you'll suck...

Check it out

Stormtrooper Whiskey Decanter & Shot Glass

$14.61 - $26.79 from The Fowndry »

A stormtrooper who's packing nothing but Jameson and a Buttery Nipple is my kind of stormtrooper. I bet in whiskey decanter and suspended glass forms they're even a decent shot. At least until round 7 or 8 when your own...

Buy Now

Liquor Log Booze Dispenser

$109 from Amazon »

Now this is the kind of Yule Log I'm talking about. How better to bring good tidings to you and all of your kin than with a nice bottle of Jameson or Jack chug-a-lugging out the tap on an urban harvested Ohio hardwood...

Check it out

Alchemix Liquor Infuser & Carbonator

$79 from Alchemix »

Alchemix hopes to shake up the shaker scene amongst mixologists and enthusiastic cocktail imbib-ologists alike with their Kickstarter campaign for a drank maker that infuses and/or carbonates your liquor and mixers in...

Check it out

Outer Space Vodka

$5.99 - $29.99 from Outer Space Vodka »

What's scarier than this freak parade of masks on Halloween night? The head-splitting, toilet-hugging hangover we're all going to have Sunday morning. Especially with 1) Daylight Saving Time ending at 2 a.m., giving everyone...

Buy Now

Stainless Steel Alcohol / Moonshine Still

Sold Out from Amazon »

Items like the 10-gallon whiskey still and this stainless steel alcohol / moonshine still prove that making booze at home can be fun and worthwhile even when liquor is legal! According to TableTop Still, their DIY spirits...

Buy Now

Ship in a Bottle Whiskey Decanter & Dispenser

$99 from Amazon »

I don't care how they got this ship in the bottle as long as I know how to get the booze it's sailing through out. A wood base handcrafted in Kentucky serves as a classy pedestal to the mounted glass whiskey decanter...

Check it out

Jerry Can Bar Cabinet

$679 from AHA »

Some call it the can that won WWII. Even though the Germans created the Wehrmacht-Einheitskanister, American and British forces quickly copied the design and used it for the efficient storage and safe transport of fuel...

Buy Now

BenShot Bullet Shot Glass

$15 from Amazon »

Shot through the glass / And you're to blame / Guess I'm lucky you / Got bad aim (bad aim)....

Check it out

Proof - Wearable Blood Alcohol Sensor

By: PROOF »

It's not so much what proof is in your pudding as it is how that proof permeates your blood. Personal breathalyzers, and even app-compatible and smartphone breathalyzers, have been around for years now. But they all share...

Buy Now

Phantom Skull Decanter

$33 from Amazon »

I'm not sure the skull in this decanter is so much a phantom as it is a piece of glass blown inside a bottle. But you don't have to tell your kids that when you warn them about what Skully McSkullface will do to their...

Buy Now

10 Gallon Whiskey Still

$665 from Amazon »

As I mentioned during my show-and-tell of the Black & Tan tool, I prefer whiskey to beer. Lots and lots of whiskey. Four gallons ought to do it. So someone pass me a 10-gallon whiskey still, a bag of distiller's yeast...