R-Rated Talking Ted

Posted: January 07, 2013
R-Rated Talking Ted
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Why do people always diss Mark Wahlberg? He makes such quality movies with filthy-mouthed talking teddy bears. And from forth the cinematic masterpiece that was that Ted comes the plush masterpiece that is this Ted. A 24" cuddle monkey with the angelic face of a Care Bear and the profane mouth of a Goodfella, Ted is recommended for adults ages 18 and over who get a charge out of hearing a stuffed animal drop the F bomb and rip people a new one.

At the push of a button, the 1:1 scale movie replica spits out the following big-screen phrases:

  • "Yeah, I mean, y-you know when you sewed me up you put some of the stuffing in the wrong places so I'm a little fucked up, but will you take care of me for ever and ever? ... Aha! I'm just kidding you! I thought it'd be funny if you thought I was fucking retarded."
  • "You ever hear a Boston girl have an orgasm? 'Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Harder! Harder! Oh, God, that was so good! Now I'm gonna stuff my fuckin' face with Pepperidge Farm.'"
  • "Well you never should've trusted me, I'm on drugs!"
  • "Alright c'mon, let's sing the Thunder Song. When you hear the sound of thunder, don't you get too scared. Just grab your Thunder Buddy and say these magic words: Fuck you, Thunder! You can suck my dick. You can't get me, Thunder, 'cause you're just God's farts!" [Makes fart noise.]
  • "Oh fuck that, it's been 4 years, Johnny! You and me have been together for 27 years; where's my ring, huh? Where's my ring, asshole? Where's my ring, mother fucker? Put it on my fuzzy finger, you fuck! C'mon!"

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