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Toothpick Crossbow

By: on April 23, 2017
Discontinued

No computer, tablet, or phone needed to ping! your co-workers with this slick and stealthy mini crossbow. The palm-sized launcher loads up with toothpicks or Q-Tips, depending on how hard you want to let Dave three desks down know you're ready to get some tacos.

The crossbow arrives as a DIY kit, so you'll have to earn your entry into cubicle warfare with a little handiwork. Pieces are made of stainless steel and the set includes a product assembly tool and all necessary screws (at least it's supposed to.) Completed the crossbow measures 4.7" long x 3.9" wide.

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Micro BB Crossbow

Discontinued

Why doesn't my Cubicle Warfare book include a chapter on How to Build a Micro BB Crossbow? Not that I wouldn't get fired for using it at the office. But we've had these "productivity enhancement strategy consultants"...

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Crosman Pioneer Airbow

$849 from Crosman »

If you're a big game hunter living in Arizona*, you are Crosman Golden. It's the only state in the US where there's a season for pursuing just about every species of big game on the Crosman docket with the company's forthcoming...

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EEEARS Reusable Ear Cleaner

$11 from Kickstarter »

It seems we're on an earwax offensive. EEEARS, a reusable cotton swab substitute for ear cleaning, joins the OtoSet automatic ear cleaning headset I saw earlier this month in the cache of tools forthcoming for wax elimination...

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Marshmallow Crossbow

Mr. Stay Puft's got nothing on my Mallow Bow. Sure, he can stomp on people, toss cars, and tear down buildings, but I can dole out cavities, high blood sugar, and toothaches. Straight to the kisser from 60' away!...

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Micro Blaster Q-Tip X-Bow

Discontinued

The dude in your office who always says to Ping me, brah! when that copy's done. When you're getting coffee? When it's time for Friday Feats of Strength in the conference room? Oh, it's time to ping him, brah!...

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Titanium Toothpick

$15.90 - $17.95 from Amazon »

What can you do with a titanium toothpick? Why, dig out that bit of popcorn embedded in your molar as you leave a midnight showing of The Shining, and then...stab the eyes out! of the mugger who waits for dazed victims...

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Nomad Super Compact Survival Bow

$99.95 from Amazon »

The Nomad is a small bow for small spaces, small animals, or big problems. Apocalyptic problems. The survival bow and arrow set from Xpectre breaks down and slides inside a pouch just 16" in length....

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Altwork Sit-Down-Stand-Up-Lie-Down Workstation

$3,900 - $4,900 from Altwork »

Did you ever think you'd long to sit in a dentist's chair? Me either. And really the Altwork only loosely resembles the bearer of root canals in its reclined position, which is just one of several the new workstation...

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Darth Vader ToothSaber Toothpick Dispenser

$65 from Amazon »

From oral hygiene to hors d'oeuvres serving, the Dark Lord of the Sith has your back. Exhibiting an unrelenting desire to serve and protect, Darth Vader has traded in his lightsaber for a toothpick. A wad of toothpicks...

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Cubicle Warfare: 101 Office Traps and Pranks

$14.53 from Amazon »

The only thing worse about work than working is co-workers. Like the guy I seem to have started an ass war with after he left some anus chocolates on my desk and I countered with a pair of Manties. Today I got Shreddie

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Desktop Warfare - da Vinci Catapult Kit

$17.95 from Amazon »

Leonardo da Vinci didn't invent the catapult but, as with anything that crazy Medieval MF touched, he did figure out how to make it way better. And I think if high-rise office buildings, contemporary desktops, and floors...

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SH*T-IN-M'TEETH Toothpicks

$5 from Kickstarter »

Popcorn. Milk Duds. The kale chips I once ate on a date so the chick would think I'm healthy and open minded that subsequently led her ditch me once little bits of them got stuck in the crevices of my gums and then flew...