Squirrel Wingsuits

By: on September 01, 2013
$1,650 - $1,750
Check It Out

Skydiving, BASE jumping, walking down the street: success in these extreme adventures isn't so much about having skills and balls as it is about having the right gear. For example, when I walk down the street, I just make sure I am wearing shoes and carrying a Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun, and voila! No diseases, no getting mugged. Probably. And when I...no, make that if I were to skydive or BASE jump, which there is no F'ing way on earth or Melmac I ever would, I'd just make sure I was wearing a Squirrel wingsuit, and voila! No plummeting to certain death. Probably.

Squirrel has two recent releases of souped-up wingsuits/bat suits/shrouds of vital organ intactness, the Aura and the Colugo, available for online purchase. You better know how to measure all your 2,000 body parts if you want to order one, though. Accurately. Squirrel asks for everything from height both with and without shoes on to forearm circumference in centimeters because they really want your suit to fit and function perfectly.

My guess is not half as much as you do.

Aura wingsuits seek to hit peak levels of performance glide and agility for "the most demanding wingsuit BASE pilots in the world--jumpers who are pushing the limits of short starts and long glides." Colugos cater more to big mountain terrain flying, with increased versatility for pilots of intermediate to expert abilities who want an all-around BASE suit. Intermediate to expert BASE jumpers. In a sport so extreme that its beginners probably have nut sacks bigger than King Kong's, I find it somewhat mind-blowing that they are still able to designate gradations of excellence.

Check it out

AdrenaSuit - Bulletproof & Superpowered

The fit is hitting the shan. The adrenaline dam has busted, and your fight-or-flight response is sprinting at a world-record-setting pace. What does it look like? Are you stepping up? Freezing up? Freaking out? Peacing...

Check it out

Seabreacher Shark X Water Jet

$90k from Seabreacher »

Seabreacher water jets snugly seat two people with exceptional control over their stomachs and bowels for a nautical roller coaster ride of dives, breaches, spins, and respective surface and subsurface speeds of up to...

Check it out

SOS Parachute - High-Rise Building Escape System

Panamanian inventor Morris Shahbazi once bragged to disbelieving ears that his SOS Parachute, an emergency evacuation system for people in high-rise office buildings, hotels, and residences, could open in 100 feet, or...

Check it out

RPG-7 Bottle Launcher


Why is it that the toys you or I make with our buddies from scrap lengths of pipe and sheet metal the year we take high school physics always end up as legitimate, purchasable commodities developed and manufactured by...

Check it out

The World's Longest Tunnel Slide

$15 - $22 from ArcelorMittal Orbit »

Virtual reality may be a rising star, but the ArcelorMittal Orbit is going all-out, balls-to-the-wall IRL this summer with its curving, spiraling, plummeting tunnel slide. Dubbed simply "The Slide," this 584-foot-long...

Check it out

Fat Boys Blob Water Launch Pad

$3,500 from Fat Boys »

You don't need to be a fat boy, or even a boy, to assume the position of Launcher or Launchee on the Fat Boys Blob. All you need is a craving for a rush of adrenaline and a fearlessness in the face of heights....

Check it out

Quadski - Amphibious ATV

A one-person all-terrain vehicle that doubles as a personal watercraft. I don't like these studious, clinical terms for the Quadski, which is better described as a fat amphibious wad of adrenaline with a BMW engine. Gibbs'...

Check it out

Darkfin Gloves

$25.95 from DarkfinGloves.com »

Ever wondered what it might be like to have webbed fingers? Wonder no longer. These durable latex rubber gloves will have you flying by other frogs in the water. Perfect for SCUBA diving, swimming, surfing, and even jumping...

Buy Now

SCOUT Carbon Paramotor

Sold Out from Amazon »

The SCOUT, a combination of carbon fiber and mandrel bent aluminum, heralds itself the world's most advanced paramotor. I have no reason not to believe it. Not that I'd never seen or heard of any kind of paramotor prior...

Check it out

Big-O Stunt Skates

Despite their being shaped like big Os, I'm not sure about Big-O as a name for these stunt skates. I'm pretty sure if I were to try them, the words "Big O" would not be at the forefront of my mind. I'd call mine Big I...

Check it out

Dark Ride - Theme Park Cologne

$64 from Xyrena »

In explaining the motivation behind their Dark Ride, a cologne they describe as a scented mashup of Pirates of the Caribbean, Jurassic Park, Splash Mountain, and all of your favorite theme park water rides, fragrance...

Buy Now

What Doesn't Kill Us

$18.35 from Amazon »

The title What Doesn't Kill Us: How Freezing Water, Extreme Altitude and Environmental Conditioning Will Renew Our Lost Evolutionary Strength pretty much does it for a synopsis of investigative journalist Scott Carney's...