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Monkey Lights

By: on November 25, 2011
$59.99
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Don't just make sure they see you coming, make sure they have a seizure when they see you coming! Monkey Lights elicit ocular anarchy in 32 LED colors with programmable patterns, and maintain their function in all weather conditions. They make BMX tricks look even cooler when you land them, and detract from the blood and jutting tibia when you eat pavement. Bike commuters and recreational cyclists can also install them to ensure full nighttime visibility in traffic and on unlit side streets. Keep in mind, though, that full nighttime visibility is a double-edged sword, as while the Monkeys help preclude a collision with a drunk driver, they also render anyone cycle-weaving home from the bar to avoid a DUI an easy target for the po. Each light strand lasts up to 30 hours on 3 AA batteries, which should be plenty of time to make a few Benjamins blowing the minds of frat row schmos high on ketamine and horse tranquilizers. Monkeys fit the spokes of most bike wheels 20 inches or larger.

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Morpher Flat-Folding Helmet

$149 from Amazon »

If not crushing your skull in a crash isn't reason enough for you cyclists to wear a bike helmet, take a look at the additional lures the Morpher flat-folding helmet is offering up. Namely, a helmet that folds flat....

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Vibrating Bicycle Seat

$43 from SexShop 365 »

A heads up to politicians and city planners: stop wasting your money on bike lanes, tax incentives, and PSA campaigns. All you need do to persuade your constituents to trade in cars for bicycles on their morning commute...

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Iron Samurai Blue LED Watch

$7.90 from Amazon »

As if the opportunity to wear a segmented steel LED-lit wristband that might make people wonder if you're under house arrest isn't reason enough to complete this purchase, the fact that the Iron Samurai also possesses...

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LightBox Puzzle

The LightBox, in a new twist on physical brainteasers and cliched expressions, is designed such that seeing the light means you have not solved the puzzle....

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Vycle Bicycle Elevator

By: Vycle »

On the Vycle you won't go Tour de France fast or Tour de France graceful (heh, heh, check it out) but seated atop this human-powered elevator, you will go all out Y-axis on a bicycle....

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Cyclotron Spokeless Smart Bicycle

$1,125 - $3,038 from Cyclotron Cycles »

For all the Sam Flynns out there who need more exercise, you'll soon be able to trade in your electric Light Cycles for pedal-powered Cyclotrons on your joyrides and daily commutes. The self-described "Future of Cycling"...

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Guardman Bicycle Multi-Tool

$10.99 from Amazon »

To be clear, Guardman's Bicycle Multi-Tool isn't a multi-tool specific to bike repairs, it's a multi-tool shaped like a bike. As in, Ding, ding! Move over Leathermen and SAKs, it's time to add a bike lane to your pocket...

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Bird of Prey Bicycle

$4,200 from Bird of Prey »

I didn't think the foam helmets and seizure-inducing neon spandex could look any more ridiculous rolling down the road, yelling at cars to get out of their lane, and then cutting into traffic at will when it suits them...

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Turbospoke Bicycle Exhaust System

$19.99 from Amazon »

Hey kids, here's a surefire way to make your parents construct an advent calendar counting down the days until you go back to school next fall. The Turbospoke system, a battery-free, pedal-powered child's dream, fits...

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The 100 MPH Bicycle

By: Donhou »

And by 100 MPH Bicycle, Donhou Cycles really means Bicycle That Has Peaked at 60 MPH on the Open Road but Could Theoretically Make It to 100. I'm not sure how that theory was developed. I think it's how fast frame builder...

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Litelok Flexible Bike Lock

$109.87 - $206.82 from Litelok »

Flexible, lightweight, and inordinately strong, the Litelok could have been a gymnast, but decided to take the more practical professional route of becoming an anti-theft bodyguard for bicycles. The gold-rated bike lock...

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LED Eyelashes

These are aptly named. An ingenious piece of technology wrought from Asian women's desire to have larger eyes, these seem more fit for the drug-and-urine-splattered concrete floor of the next rave in Omaha, Nebraska....