100

Hitch 'Er Up Stripper Pole

By: on September 08, 2012

Life is a highway. I wanna grind it. All. Night. Long. Get outta my dreams, and onto my pole. Little red corvette, baby you're much too fast. I need a pickup truck...with a stripper pole hitched out back. I wonder how many miles the po would creep along watching the Platinum Stage Hitch Pole show before finally pulling over the driver and laying down the "Click It or Ticket" law. Or perhaps the 48" Protrusion with No Orange Flag law. Or how about the WTF?! Are You Thinking law, followed by an agreement to disregard it if driver agrees to tell po whereTF they can get one too.

With regard to the latter, both po and partially law-abiding citizens alike may purchase the universe's only stripper pole that attaches to the ball hitch of any truck or SUV from--who else?--worldwide dance pole leader, Platinum Stages. Oh yes, for the moderate price of $449, you too can own this scene from a rap video, this manifestation of the male wet dream, this 3' x 3' platform impaled by a 2" diameter stainless steel Cylinder of Greatness and Icon of Slightly Trashy Sexy Time. And for $100 more, you can have it in brass.

The Hitch Pole breaks down into two pieces for easy transport inside the car when going to visit your mom. Also, Platinum Stages apparently is not a fan of big lovin' because their hitched-up platform and pole do not support ladies weighing over 200 pounds. I'm just gonna leave that one alone.

Sadly, but not surprisingly, there is no accompanying video of this product in action.

Check it out

007 Motorized License Plate Masks

$79 - $199.95 from TryDeal »

When and where you use your 007s to play 007 is up to you, but, yes, the motorized license plate masks hide your vehicle's digits at the press of a button and, no, it's probably not a good idea to activate them every...

Buy Now

Vibrating Panties (NSFW)

$29.99 from Amazon »

New life hack, ladies: vibrating panties for your long, miserable commute. Vibrating panties for your long, miserable shift. Vibrating panties for your long, miserable night of caring for your poor little monkey with...

Check it out

Luxury Mile High Club Experience

$7,750 from Wish.co.uk »

Don't just simulate them in a Jet Bed, realize your aero-fantasies with the Luxury Mile High Club Experience. Wish.co.uk, peddlers of myriad activities intended to prevent life and its inhabitants from becoming boring...

Check it out

Boregasm Pills

Good thing yawns and O faces look about the same because, thanks to research being conducted by a handful of (presumably exhausted and horny) PhD students at Indiana University's The Kinsey Institute, they're about to...

Check it out

Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)

Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...

Buy Now

Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)

Sold Out from Amazon »

Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found...

Check it out

LaunchPAD - Fleshlight iPad Case (NSFW)

$29.95 from Fleshlight »

Though it's not electric or piston-powered...or Japanese...like this friendly sex toy, the LaunchPAD does employ advanced technology in a valiant effort to enhance Man's alone time. The makers of male masturbatory aid...

Buy Now

The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas (NSFW)

$11.95 from Amazon »

Is further product description really needed? First there was Georgia O'Keefe, now there is author and illustrator Morgan Hastings. Black-and-white outlines of anatomical wonders beg for your acrylic and Crayola technicolor...

Buy Now

Sex Positions You Never Thought Possible (NSFW)

$49.98 from Amazon »

Remember that one time you let some chick drag you to hot yoga because she too was hot and you wanted to see her do bendy things in spandex pants, but then you ended up spending the whole class lying on your back trying...

Check it out

Vibrating Bicycle Seat

$43 from SexShop 365 »

A heads up to politicians and city planners: stop wasting your money on bike lanes, tax incentives, and PSA campaigns. All you need do to persuade your constituents to trade in cars for bicycles on their morning commute...

Buy Now

Paco's Taco Stroker

Sold Out from Amazon »

At first I was like, Who the h-e-double-boner named this kitchen tool "Paco's Taco Stroker?" I'm going to make so many masturbation jokes when I write about it. And then I looked closer and was like, Holy hard-on! They...

Check it out

Track N Go Wheel-Driven Track System

$25k from Track N Go »

When people ask me if I want to go snowshoeing I always say no because this activity usually involves walking. Often up a steep slope. In the snow. It's cold, labor-intensive, and there are no Playmates wearing nothing...