Nosefrida The Snotsucker Nasal Aspirator
Father's Day is June 16th. I don't know about you, but I sure can't think of a better gift for a new dad than an apparatus that will allow him to suck the snot out of his kid's nose with his own mouth. And who says you have to limit usage of Nosefrida the Snotsucker to children? I wouldn't mind having someone else clear my nasal passageways as I stand idly by. Hey Cornelius! Can you come here for a minute?
Nosefrida the Snotsucker nasal aspirator--if only I could make this shit up! I'd be the next Zach Galifianakis!--was developed by Swedish doctors for assuaging the stuffy noses of children who are too young (or too spastic) to use a Kleenex. One end of the tube rests against the offending nostril, while the other snuggles inside Mommy's or Daddy's* mouth in preparation for the ultimate suckfest.
Nosefrida promises its filters block bacterial transfer, and hopefully this also means the inhaling party won't be left with a mucus-coated tongue at the end of the procedure, but I'd give anyone thinking of using the nasal aspirator the following warning: if you're prepared to suck snot, you best also be prepared for the possibility of ending up snot's sucker.
*I'm presuming it will be Mommy or Daddy as I cannot imagine anyone else on earth would be amenable to performing this task on a kid who is not a direct result of his or her loins in action.