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Grand Portico Mansion Playhouse

By: on October 29, 2015
$11,160
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Who's your Daddy...Warbucks? Better call him if you want the Grand Portico playmansion erected in your back yard, Suzy Q, because this definition of a spoiled child is gonna cost a whole helluva lot more than the Barbie Dream House you begged for last year.

A mansion playhouse. And I thought I'd seen the pinnacle of indulgence when they came out with guinea pig armor. Parents, if you're looking to buy some offspring love, all you need do is shell out $10 grand for the Grand Portico...and then maybe another few hundred for the Craig's List guys you'll have to hire to put it together...and voila: watch her eyes grow as big as your wallet when she sets them on her new toy's 22 working windows (with safety glass and screens!), 4 stately columns, loft with ladder access, front child-sized door and adult-sized French door, complete exterior siding and trim system, transom windows framing the front door, and 10 flower boxes primed for the gardener's to-do list!

Oh, Daddy, thank you! I hope the oompa loompa I asked for is waiting inside.

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Air Fort - 30-Second Inflatable Tent

$54.99 from Amazon »

The Air Fort, in addition to creating a private place for me to hide sleep when my future in-laws visit and take over my bedroom next month, gives me an excuse to haul out my old college box fan. The one She-Ra: Princess...

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Allwood Kit Cabins

$3,400 - $34,900 from Amazon »

Allwood Kit Cabins may be no more than glorified playhouses to some, but given that I haven't found a place to put (or the money to buy) my Honomobo Container Home yet...it's time to glorify me a playhouse, baby!...

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Underhill Home - Luxury Hobbit-Hole

$917k from rightmove »

Now that the British Pound has taken its first real hit in recent memory, you might start thinking about buying up some real estate in England. This 4-bedroom, 4,000-square-foot home called Underhill is a steal at $917,000....

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DIY Geodesic Garden Dome Kit

$150 from Build with Hubs »

Hey, kid, go find me some sticks! Sixty-five of them to be exact. Hubs' DIY Garden Dome Kit is a box of "Hubs" and hardware you can use to create and snap together frame pieces to build sturdy geodesic structures. Use...

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Melody Key Private Island

$5.99 million from Private Islands Online »

A private island a mile offshore in the Florida keys sporting recent multi-million dollar renovations, a main house with vaulted ceilings, pool, jacuzzi, solar inverter, on-demand muted generator, a desalination system...

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Skoda Man-Pram

By: Skoda »

At the end of the day, you'll still be a dude pushing around a baby...or a pomeranian...in a stroller, but at least with Skoda's Man-Pram you can mow the fuck over anyone who gives you shit about it....

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Self-Installing Car Seat

$499.99 from Amazon »

The 4moms self-installing car seat may not be the most sparkly, fun, or pampering gift for new moms to unwrap this holiday season, but it could prove to be the greatest they've ever received. Paired with its watchdog...

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Cardboard Cat Playhouses

$27.99 - $58.99 from Amazon »

After wrecking one too many real cars and getting banned from the road, Toonces the Driving Cat went into the make-believe business and developed this line of cat houses for Suck UK. Sure, "piloting" a cardboard airplane...

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The Mansion From Funny People

$75 million from Luxury Real Estate »

Maybe the most classically beautiful and inspired piece of real estate currently for sale in measurable spatial dimensions. An absolute knockout, and so innocent looking! Five shiny Sacajawea dollars say this PYT from...

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Benny the Jumping Bull Inflatable Hopper

$24.95 - $29.99 from Amazon »

Dude! Where was Benny the Jumping Bull and his sick Zorro mask when I was a kid in need of a sidekick (and means of transportation!) for acting out my superhero fantasies? And look. That little girl in the photo isn't...

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Star Trek Enterprise Rocker

$195 from Etsy »

It's been awhile--January 2012 to be exact--since I've seen hand-carved Star Trek splendor of this baby rocker's magnitude. Anyone remember the Enterprise coffee table? Maybe in the 4-1/2 years since you bought and set...

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Star Wars Bed

$3,999 from Pottery Barn Kids »

If you're a kid who gets this bed you're one of the lucky ones: your dad might actually love you as much as he loves Star Wars. While I'm not sure rabid fans of The Force think as highly of Pottery Barn Kids, for better...