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Grand Portico Mansion Playhouse

By: on October 29, 2015
$11,160
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Who's your Daddy...Warbucks? Better call him if you want the Grand Portico playmansion erected in your back yard, Suzy Q, because this definition of a spoiled child is gonna cost a whole helluva lot more than the Barbie Dream House you begged for last year.

A mansion playhouse. And I thought I'd seen the pinnacle of indulgence when they came out with guinea pig armor. Parents, if you're looking to buy some offspring love, all you need do is shell out $10 grand for the Grand Portico...and then maybe another few hundred for the Craig's List guys you'll have to hire to put it together...and voila: watch her eyes grow as big as your wallet when she sets them on her new toy's 22 working windows (with safety glass and screens!), 4 stately columns, loft with ladder access, front child-sized door and adult-sized French door, complete exterior siding and trim system, transom windows framing the front door, and 10 flower boxes primed for the gardener's to-do list!

Oh, Daddy, thank you! I hope the oompa loompa I asked for is waiting inside.

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Watch Your Junk - Advice for Expectant Fathers

$9.99 from Amazon »

The best part about Watch Your Junk and Other Advice for Expectant Fathers isn't that the irreverent guide to dadhood is as fun of a read as it is informative. It's not that it covers topics other baby books ignore, or...

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Allwood Kit Cabins

$3,400 - $34,900 from Amazon »

Allwood Kit Cabins may be no more than glorified playhouses to some, but given that I haven't found a place to put (or the money to buy) my Honomobo Container Home yet...it's time to glorify me a playhouse, baby!...

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Air Fort - 30-Second Inflatable Tent

Sold Out from Amazon »

The Air Fort, in addition to creating a private place for me to hide sleep when my future in-laws visit and take over my bedroom next month, gives me an excuse to haul out my old college box fan. The one She-Ra: Princess...

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Underhill Home - Luxury Hobbit-Hole

$917k from rightmove »

Now that the British Pound has taken its first real hit in recent memory, you might start thinking about buying up some real estate in England. This 4-bedroom, 4,000-square-foot home called Underhill is a steal at $917,000....

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Melody Key Private Island

$5.99 million from Private Islands Online »

A private island a mile offshore in the Florida keys sporting recent multi-million dollar renovations, a main house with vaulted ceilings, pool, jacuzzi, solar inverter, on-demand muted generator, a desalination system...

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DIY Geodesic Garden Dome Kit

$150 from Build with Hubs »

Hey, kid, go find me some sticks! Sixty-five of them to be exact. Hubs' DIY Garden Dome Kit is a box of "Hubs" and hardware you can use to create and snap together frame pieces to build sturdy geodesic structures. Use...

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Skoda Man-Pram

By: Skoda »

At the end of the day, you'll still be a dude pushing around a baby...or a pomeranian...in a stroller, but at least with Skoda's Man-Pram you can mow the fuck over anyone who gives you shit about it....

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Self-Installing Car Seat

$499.99 from Amazon »

The 4moms self-installing car seat may not be the most sparkly, fun, or pampering gift for new moms to unwrap this holiday season, but it could prove to be the greatest they've ever received. Paired with its watchdog...

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The Mansion From Funny People

$75 million from Luxury Real Estate »

Maybe the most classically beautiful and inspired piece of real estate currently for sale in measurable spatial dimensions. An absolute knockout, and so innocent looking! Five shiny Sacajawea dollars say this PYT from...

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Star Wars Bed

$3,999 from Pottery Barn Kids »

If you're a kid who gets this bed you're one of the lucky ones: your dad might actually love you as much as he loves Star Wars. While I'm not sure rabid fans of The Force think as highly of Pottery Barn Kids, for better...

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Infento Constructible Rides

$299 - $599 from Infento »

Want some quality time with your kid that doesn't involve a screen and a controller? Infento is a series of DIY kits and one tool (yep, just one) that allows parents and kids to build 11 or more different, real-life rides....

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Hollywood Hills Mansion - 9010 Hopen

$8.65 million from 9010 Hopen »

Who would guess that what looks like a noninvasive skin rejuvenation clinic from the street opens into a panorama of contemporary cool with walnut floors, sultry lighting, and drop dead (literally, if you're not careful)...