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Which Cult Should I Join?

By: on May 14, 2017
$30.79
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Which Cult Should I Join? Seeing as it's Sunday and all, I'm sure you've been asking yourself this question all morning. And not only does Jo Stewart have the answer in full book form, she's used the Choose-Your-Own Adventure format to write it, so you're guaranteed to be guided toward the community of strange religious fanatics you're most compatible with.

It might be controversial to some and hilarious to others, but Which Cult Should I Join?: A Choose-Your-Own Guidebook for the Spiritually Bereft is no joke. The 40 cults it discusses really did (or do) exist in modern history, and to discover which one is your self-actualization soul mate, all you need do is make a series of decisions as you turn the pages. Like: Do you prefer applesauce (Heaven’s Gate) to Kool-Aid (Peoples Temple)? Or, do you think carrots are “the food of the Masters” (Church Universal and Triumphant) or that swimming and joking should be forbidden (the Fellowship of Friends)?

Other cults covered include The Branch Davidians, The Cult of Amma, the Church of God with Signs, The Magnificent Meal Movement, and The Unarius Academy of Science.

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World's Smallest Violin

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This is the world's smallest violin, and I'm gonna play it just for you...whiners! So many whiners! At work. On the road. At the checkout line. In my inbox. And the biggest one of all: right there in my bathroom mirror....

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Frosty the Eunuch Ugly Christmas Sweater

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Ugly Christmas Sweater season is here. The days, they have shortened. The temperatures, they have dropped. And the Tipsy Elves, they have knitted. The tacky, silly, funny, and dirty entries in their 2017 sweater line...

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How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety

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A must-read for every cat parent! How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives consolidates 8 crucial public service pamphlets into a clear...

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How to Be a Drug Dealer

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If Breaking Bad didn't provide enough of an education, How to Be a Drug Dealer should fill in any gaps left in your study to achieve proficiency and realize success in your pursuit of the street pharmacist profession....

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Cereal Killer Bowl

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Decimate the Froot Loops, eradicate the Frosted Flakes, eliminate all traces of Trix with the Cereal Killer Bowl. Those Charms may be Lucky before the box is opened, but once once they hit your Dexter-approved bowl, it's...

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Boob Cube

$9.50 from Amazon »

The Boob Cube is for idiots. And for geniuses. And for idiots who want to convince people they're really geniuses. And for geniuses you want to make feel like idiots. So, yeah, pretty much an ideal gift for any person...

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Anonymously Send Sh*t

Discontinued

If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...

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School of Hard Blocks - Alphabet Blocks for Adults

The School of Hard Blocks is a set of 12 alphabet blocks modeled after the traditional wood children's blocks, but made of concrete. And made for adults who need to learn, ponder, or build up their own ABCs. Adultery....

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Faking It: How to Seem Like a Better Person

$11.17 from Amazon »

...Without Actually Improving Yourself. As a self-help book, Faking It adds a delightful twist: you don't have to journal or meditate or talk about your feelings or change at all to help yourself. You just have to perfect...

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Whiskey River Sarcastic Soaps

$8.95 from Whiskey River »

Whiskey River Soaps are like modern-day Shakespearean comedies. Insightful in reading people. Precise in their social commentary. Charming and funny. And, to complement our 21st century needs, not tl;dr, and serving more...

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The Complaint Department Grenade Sign

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When I saw this "Complaint Department" sign with a "Please take a number" directive pointing right at the pin of a grenade, I first assumed it was meant for the office. I know my boss would sure like to have one....

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What Do You Meme? Game

Elliot Tebele, overlord of the famed Instagram account Fuckjerry, has made a pretty natural transition with What Do You Meme? His images and commentary translate seamlessly from work day slacking reading material on the...