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Which Cult Should I Join?

By: on May 14, 2017
$8.90
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Which Cult Should I Join? Seeing as it's Sunday and all, I'm sure you've been asking yourself this question all morning. And not only does Jo Stewart have the answer in full book form, she's used the Choose-Your-Own Adventure format to write it, so you're guaranteed to be guided toward the community of strange religious fanatics you're most compatible with.

It might be controversial to some and hilarious to others, but Which Cult Should I Join?: A Choose-Your-Own Guidebook for the Spiritually Bereft is no joke. The 40 cults it discusses really did (or do) exist in modern history, and to discover which one is your self-actualization soul mate, all you need do is make a series of decisions as you turn the pages. Like: Do you prefer applesauce (Heaven’s Gate) to Kool-Aid (Peoples Temple)? Or, do you think carrots are “the food of the Masters” (Church Universal and Triumphant) or that swimming and joking should be forbidden (the Fellowship of Friends)?

Other cults covered include The Branch Davidians, The Cult of Amma, the Church of God with Signs, The Magnificent Meal Movement, and The Unarius Academy of Science.

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Boob Cube

$9.50 from Amazon »

The Boob Cube is for idiots. And for geniuses. And for idiots who want to convince people they're really geniuses. And for geniuses you want to make feel like idiots. So, yeah, pretty much an ideal gift for any person...

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A is for Anus: The Alphabet (For Adults)

$9.99 from Amazon »

This alphabet isn't adult just because A is for Anus, but also because of the accompanying anatomical representation author Max Willy has selected to make sure everyone knows what an anus is. Stick out your pointer finger...

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Anonymously Send Sh*t

Discontinued

If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...

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Adult Achievement Stickers

$8.95 from Amazon »

Children receive stickers for achievements such as pooping in the pot, getting straight A's, and coming in last (but participating!) Why shouldn't adults get some comparable adhesive words of affirmation when they done...

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Do Your Park Magnets

$12 from Amazon »

We've seen the mostly innocuous You Suck at Parking business cards. And also the more permanent, and thereby more controversial, I Park Like an Idiot bumper stickers. Here we have a midpoint between the two: a-hole parking...

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What Do You Meme? Game

Elliot Tebele, overlord of the famed Instagram account Fuckjerry, has made a pretty natural transition with What Do You Meme? His images and commentary translate seamlessly from work day slacking reading material on the...

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Nobody Likes a Cockblock

$12.63 from Amazon »

Are you a parent? Then I'm sure you'll agree your precious children have taught you at least as much, and most likely far more, than you've ever taught them. Such as deep, unconditional love. Patience. Awe and wonder....

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You Suck At Parking Business Cards

$18.95 from Zazzle »

Personally, I think people should be thrown in jail for bad parking. Bad parkers fall into 2 groups... The first, just aren't mentally capable of parking well. And the second just don't give a shit. If jail isn't an option...

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Movies R Fun: Iconic Scenes as Children's Art

$7.90 from Amazon »

Josh Cooley's book Movies R Fun: A Collection of Cinematic Classics for the Pre-(Film) School Cinephile takes iconic and cult (mostly) R-rated movie scenes as inspiration for artwork styled after children's storybooks....

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Imploding Kittens - Exploding Kittens 1st Expansion

$14.99 from Amazon »

You've been dodging Exploding Kittens for quite a while now, so the people who wire them have decided to give you a new challenge: dodge more exploding kittens with a 20-card-strong expansion pack, and add a 6th player...

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Star Wars Kama Sutra

$18.31 from Amazon »

SN Herder has thought a lot about the Force awakening. So much that his mind went...there. First the gutter, and then the toy bin. Herder says he made The Extremely Unofficial and Highly Unauthorized Star Wars Kama Sutra...

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The Golden Douchebag Trophy

$7.99 from Perpetual Kid »

You want tidings of comfort and joy? Well here you go: Merry Christmas, you old Golden Douchebag, you....