If I wrote a book, Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate is exactly what I'd call it. Well, that or Yeah, You're a Pedestrian and Technically Have the Right of Way, but If You March into the Street All Self-Entitled Without Making Sure I See You First and Am Going to Stop, When I Hit You I Might Get an Enormous Ticket but You're Going to Get Dead. As it stands, Antoinette Bergin got to the hell tales for little hellions (Oh! Oh! Dibs on that one!) before I did, so I guess I'll just add her book to my collection--right between Shit Happens So Get Over It and The Very Best Totally Wrong Test Answers--until I write my own version down the line.
Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate puts the kibosh on fairy princesses, friendly animals, cutesy morals, and most definitely happily ever afters, instead hauling out exactly what I believe the spoiled, narcissistic representatives of today's youth need more of: a harsh dose of reality. Check out Bergin's fear-of-God-instilling story titles:
- Will Fluffy Live Forever?
- Your Upstairs Neighbor Kills People
- Kevin's First (And Last) Trip to the Zoo
- I Said Not to Touch That
- First Love
- Pretty, Pretty Petal
- I Thought We Were Camping
- Blood in the Sink
- No, It Isn't Just the Wind
The first story, "Evie", is included in full in the Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate's Amazon listing. It's a terrific read, but also a little bittersweet for me because now in addition to wishing I'd come up with the book's title, I also wish I'd written the book's contents.