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Putin Riding a Bear Action Figure

By: on April 19, 2016
$69.95
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Chuck Norris was like, "Uh, Vladimir Putin just asked if he could see my bear, and then hopped on and rode off on it," and Robert Kraft was like, "Yeah, join the club, dude! He did the same thing with my Super Bowl XXXIX ring!"

And so Chuck did join the club. Actually, he started it because Kraft was just being idiomatic in his response, but Chuck Norris doesn't F around with cliched turns of phrase. It's called Victims of Vladimir Putin's Kleptomania, and its emblem is this action figure of Putin riding a bear. Chuck Norris' bear. Which he still hasn't gotten back.

If you too would like to join the Victims of Vladimir Putin's Kleptomania Club, you can purchase the hand-painted resin statue to show your solidarity. Also, a portion of the funds from all Putin Riding a Bear action figures sold will go toward Chuck Norris' purchase of a plane ticket to Russia.

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Cute Ass Animals Underwear

$35 - $56 from Etsy »

Etsy vendor Nichola's Knickerockers, underwear with adorable animal faces strategically sewn across one of my favorite places on earth, are pricey. But to all ladies who often get mistaken for Victoria's Secret models...

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Samurai Pet Armor for Cats & Dogs

Don't let that samurai-armored Shiba Inu's smile fool you. The dog is ready for feudal Japan levels of combat. See his samurai sword? Hiding there in his mouth? If I were you I'd armor up, find a weapon, and brace yourself....

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Boob Cube

$9.50 from Amazon »

The Boob Cube is for idiots. And for geniuses. And for idiots who want to convince people they're really geniuses. And for geniuses you want to make feel like idiots. So, yeah, pretty much an ideal gift for any person...

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Anonymously Send Sh*t

Discontinued

If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...

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Bob Ross Funko Pop Figure

$17.79 from Amazon »

Funko has decided to turn Bob Ross into one of their Pop! figures. Finally, Ross! You had to wait 22 years after your death to receive this honor, but, as it does when painting happy little clouds and trees, patience...

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Dartz Prombron Black Shark SpyKar

Almost more than I would recommend checking out Russian car maker Dartz's Prombron Black Shark--a vehicle they term the world's first real SpyKar--I would recommend checking out what Dartz head Leo Yankelovich has to...

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Kung Fu Power Self-Defense Rings

Sold Out from Amazon »

Pretty Chinese rings, pretty gnarly applications. This stack of Kung Fu Power Magic Rings fans out to create a 4-wide set of individual inscribed adornments for Pointer, Tall Man, Ring Man, and Pinky. That's the pretty...

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A is for Anus: The Alphabet (For Adults)

$9.99 from Amazon »

This alphabet isn't adult just because A is for Anus, but also because of the accompanying anatomical representation author Max Willy has selected to make sure everyone knows what an anus is. Stick out your pointer finger...

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Do Your Park Magnets

$12 from Amazon »

We've seen the mostly innocuous You Suck at Parking business cards. And also the more permanent, and thereby more controversial, I Park Like an Idiot bumper stickers. Here we have a midpoint between the two: a-hole parking...

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What Do You Meme? Game

Elliot Tebele, overlord of the famed Instagram account Fuckjerry, has made a pretty natural transition with What Do You Meme? His images and commentary translate seamlessly from work day slacking reading material on the...

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Feisty Pets

$19.99 - $29.99 from Amazon »

These Feisty Pets are the perfect way to teach your kids about the true nature of animals. All cuddly puppy and squishy bear and magical unicorn at first sight, but get too close and...Rrrrrawwwrrr! Back the F off, son...

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Adult Achievement Stickers

$8.95 from Amazon »

Children receive stickers for achievements such as pooping in the pot, getting straight A's, and coming in last (but participating!) Why shouldn't adults get some comparable adhesive words of affirmation when they done...