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Putin Riding a Bear Action Figure

By: on April 19, 2016
$69.95
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Chuck Norris was like, "Uh, Vladimir Putin just asked if he could see my bear, and then hopped on and rode off on it," and Robert Kraft was like, "Yeah, join the club, dude! He did the same thing with my Super Bowl XXXIX ring!"

And so Chuck did join the club. Actually, he started it because Kraft was just being idiomatic in his response, but Chuck Norris doesn't F around with cliched turns of phrase. It's called Victims of Vladimir Putin's Kleptomania, and its emblem is this action figure of Putin riding a bear. Chuck Norris' bear. Which he still hasn't gotten back.

If you too would like to join the Victims of Vladimir Putin's Kleptomania Club, you can purchase the hand-painted resin statue to show your solidarity. Also, a portion of the funds from all Putin Riding a Bear action figures sold will go toward Chuck Norris' purchase of a plane ticket to Russia.

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Cereal Killer Bowl

$24 from Amazon »

Decimate the Froot Loops, eradicate the Frosted Flakes, eliminate all traces of Trix with the Cereal Killer Bowl. Those Charms may be Lucky before the box is opened, but once once they hit your Dexter-approved bowl, it's...

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Cute Ass Animals Underwear

$35 - $56 from Etsy »

Etsy vendor Nichola's Knickerockers, underwear with adorable animal faces strategically sewn across one of my favorite places on earth, are pricey. But to all ladies who often get mistaken for Victoria's Secret models...

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How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety

$10.15 from Amazon »

A must-read for every cat parent! How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives consolidates 8 crucial public service pamphlets into a clear...

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School of Hard Blocks - Alphabet Blocks for Adults

The School of Hard Blocks is a set of 12 alphabet blocks modeled after the traditional wood children's blocks, but made of concrete. And made for adults who need to learn, ponder, or build up their own ABCs. Adultery....

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Samurai Pet Armor for Cats & Dogs

Don't let that samurai-armored Shiba Inu's smile fool you. The dog is ready for feudal Japan levels of combat. See his samurai sword? Hiding there in his mouth? If I were you I'd armor up, find a weapon, and brace yourself....

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Faking It: How to Seem Like a Better Person

$11.66 from Amazon »

...Without Actually Improving Yourself. As a self-help book, Faking It adds a delightful twist: you don't have to journal or meditate or talk about your feelings or change at all to help yourself. You just have to perfect...

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Whiskey River Sarcastic Soaps

$8.95 from Whiskey River »

Whiskey River Soaps are like modern-day Shakespearean comedies. Insightful in reading people. Precise in their social commentary. Charming and funny. And, to complement our 21st century needs, not tl;dr, and serving more...

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Boob Cube

$9.50 from Amazon »

The Boob Cube is for idiots. And for geniuses. And for idiots who want to convince people they're really geniuses. And for geniuses you want to make feel like idiots. So, yeah, pretty much an ideal gift for any person...

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Anonymously Send Sh*t

Discontinued

If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...

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The Complaint Department Grenade Sign

$9.99 from Amazon »

When I saw this "Complaint Department" sign with a "Please take a number" directive pointing right at the pin of a grenade, I first assumed it was meant for the office. I know my boss would sure like to have one....

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Vitruvian Man Action Figure

$79.15 from Amazon »

A 4-armed, 4-legged Vitruvian Man action figure is going to be 4 times the fun to pose on my desk at work. And 4 times the trippy. In fact, factor in the naked and anatomically correct to his spider count of limbs, and...

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Dartz Prombron Black Shark SpyKar

Almost more than I would recommend checking out Russian car maker Dartz's Prombron Black Shark--a vehicle they term the world's first real SpyKar--I would recommend checking out what Dartz head Leo Yankelovich has to...