Dude's Must See Products for October 2019
I'da thought Dude's must see products for October 2019 woulda been all about Halloween, but the holiday took just a supporting role in the month's most popular gear, tech, and random stuff roundup. Christmas even started rearing its ugly head here, with some decidedly December items gaining as many clicks and likes as the costumes, candy, and decor of Halloween.
Then again, when we're talking Ninjabread Men and teeny tiny titty sweaters, interest and enthusiasm are probably sustainable year round.
Here are a few of Dude readers' favorites, and my must see products for October 2019.
Blue Cheese Lollipops
According to Blue Cheese Lollipop maker Lollyphile, this sucker started out as a joke. And even once executed no one want to try it. The honor went to Maria, the poor model in the photos above. Lollyphile says she said, "Oh! It's awesome!" and that they figured she was lying.
E8: What Is This Thing?
Hints: 1) There might be some tension surrounding its use; 2) That said, when you do use it, it should be pretty ease-y; 3) It comes with one basic rule of thumb.
Le Creuset Star Wars Cookware Collection
Han Solo, poor bastard. First Vader froze him in Carbonite, and now fancy French cookware company Le Creuset has cooked him in cast iron. Coming November 1, 2019, to a very tiny part of a galaxy only as far, far away as your nearest internet connection or Williams Sonoma, is the Le Creuset Star Wars Collection. Ugh. I don't know whether to roll my eyes or start making my Christmas list.
Ballistic Dart Launcher
GlobalEDC is quick to point out that their ballistic dart launcher "IS NOT A TOY! MUST BE 18 YEARS OR OLDER TO PURCHASE." However, the company continues, those who do order the button-operated dart shooter can use it for any number of activities, such as "for fun." Specifically, it's great for parties and BBQs, and if you buy two you can have a dart shooting competition with all your family and friends!
Giant Ride-On T-Rex Costume
Cretaceous Period meets the Wild, Wild West in this ride-on T-Rex costume, one of the most outstanding Halloween costumes I've seen this year. And one of the most outstanding mixed metaphors I've seen ever.
The giant ride-on dino gets its formidable size from the cowboy him/her/themself, who must have some skills with the stilts to be able to wrangle T-Rex through the party in this costume. Those who doubt their ability to maintain balance and coordination on a pair of 31" stakes - especially after hitting the witch's brew - might consider playing ventriloquist to one of animatronics designer MCD Dino's dinosaur arm puppets instead.
Snow Globe Sweaters
Don't be fooled! These here Snow Globe Sweaters are not cozy and adorable winter hats for snow globes. They're cozy and adorable winter hats for nipples! Like the ones on the ends of boobies. I really don't know why they've been given such a misleading and potentially shit-stirring name, but I'm giving you the kindness of a warning. Be careful who you buy them for.
Not recommended: children under 18, even if they love snow globes; an acquaintance's wife, even if she has a snow globe collection; women in your office, even if they giggle over the F*ck Snow Globe on your desk; your mama, even if you are also giving her a snow globe.
Banksy Gross Domestic Product Store
In true subversive and irreverent Banksy style, the English artist has opened Gross Domestic Product, an online store where adoring fans can, not purchase, but apply to purchase some of the pieces he displayed in a south London pop-up.
All Banksy works appear to be signed, but are available in extremely limited editions of just a few pieces each. Ranging from a baby mobile of CCTV cameras and a skinned Tony the Tiger rug, to a satirical tombstone and a goldfish falling for a mean trick, Banksy's creations will be sold to the most deserving bidder, as determined by The Fates.
E9: What Is This Thing?
Hints: 1) It's adjustable for both adults and children; 2) I doubt using it would be very enjoyable; 3) But it might help you get a leg up on the competition.
Beetl Robotic Poop-Scooper
Beetlpoop, Beetlpoop, Beetlpoop!* When you say the words to the Beetl Robotic Poop-Scooper though, it doesn't make an insolent and conniving dead guy appear, it makes the turds your (perhaps insolent and conniving) dog deposited in your yard disappear.
According to Beetl Robotics, "Nobody likes picking up poop." And while that's technically a subjective statement, and used here to help promote their Poop-Scooper, I doubt anyone would disagree. Except maybe dogs themselves, some of whom seem to like picking up poop with their mouths, and swallowing it. Anyway, armed with the idea that humans don't enjoy going on dog shit search & capture missions in their backyard, Beetl built "a computer vision-enabled robot to address the needs of dog owners everywhere."
Stuff That Makes It Worse Before Making It Better
Dudes, this is gonna hurt. My collection of stuff that makes it worse before making it better includes a fat wad of items that are going to cause you some physical pain and discomfort while you're using them. But. They'll ultimately help solve a problem you have that's way more painful and uncomfortable.
Or at least bad enough that you're willing to walk on pointy spikes and dump water up your nose in a desperate attempt to find some relief.
NEXEN Dandelion Tires
Rollin' like a...dandelion? Despite their flowery name and wispy connotation, Dandelion concept tires from NEXEN are big 'n' burly issues, built rugged enough to traverse just about any terrain. The low-maintenance, never-flat wheels do earn their dandelion reference, though, via the petal-esque look of their design, a series of 72 independent pins wrapped around the tire hub.
Havenshield Door Barricade
The Havenshield Door Barricade is a home security device for quickly blocking interior access to intruders. It installs over any standard door in your home (or office or classroom) like a wreath. Not exactly a bearer of holiday cheer, but the Havenshield Door Barricade could prove to be an invaluable addition to your protection plan against an attempted intrusion or attack.
The Door Barricade hides a pair of 2 x 4 wood beams vertically behind its solid facade. When deployed the beams rotate into place horizontally across the top and bottom thirds of the door, securing in latches mounted to the door frame. This prevents intruders from kicking in the protected door.
Gifts to Give Someone You're About to Break Up With
Breakup gifts can present themselves in a few different forms. 1) You know you want to end things with your s.o., but his / her birthday is coming up and you can't do it right before.
2) You've thought about it, you've prepared your breakup speech, but you know delivering the news is gonna suck. In this case, giving a gift to the person you're about to break up with could also break up the proverbial ice, and provide a segue into "the talk." Or just fill in the dead space when there's nothing left to say, but s/he isn't really letting you leave, and holy crap are things getting awkward.
3) At this point your feelings for the person you're dating or in a relationship with fall somewhere between mild dislike and hatred, and you are stoked to get the F out of this situation. And you're ready to do it in a blaze of glory. The right kind of gift could help fan the flames. Intensify the tears and drama, and make sure your severing of sexual ties goes off with a big SNAP!
Ninjabread Men Gingerbread Cookie Kit
With their Ninjabread Men Gingerbread Cookie Kit, Brand Castle hasn't just packaged up a fun and tasty holiday baking experience for all the mamas, pops, kids, and geeks out there, they've also assembled some worthy opponents for the Fred & Friends Ninjabread Men Cookie Cutters that appeared amongst the very first posts around here 8 years ago.
Noori Modular Grill, Stove, Pizza Oven & Fire Pit
According to Noori, "Noori allows a wide range of features through its modularity." According to me, Noori allows a wide range of eating all my favorite food groups. Ribs and burgers! Fat pots of chili! Wood-fired pizza! And on the rare occasions I'm not hungry and in need of a grill, rocket stove, or pizza oven, Noori's lid, grates, and upper chamber pop off to turn the versatile cooker into an outdoor fire pit.
Which I could use to roast some wieners and s'mores when my hunger hits again.
Cock Breath Mints
Cock breath is alright, but I think I prefer dick breath. As an insult, I mean. Obviously.
But I guess when you're talking genitals and breath mints and clever puns, Cock Breath makes for better kitschy, and more PG-rated, packaging. Unless you went with Dick Breath Mints and threw a photo of Cheney on the tin. Of course, given that Cock Breath Mints are intended as a bachelorette party supply, unless your bride-to-be and her hens are over the age of 35, they probably won't know who the hell that Dick is.