A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear, Novelties and Zombies    * Updated daily
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Monday, December 19, 2011
Rorschach Ink Blot Masks

Would you like to cause your friend to take a great big turd in his shorts? These Rorschach masks, if I'm to believe what I'm seeing on the video are built specifically to do just that. Made famous by Jackie Earle Haley playing Rorschach more...

Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Skirt Length Sluttiness Stockings

While these may not be the definitive measurement for exactly how a lady is feeling, they're certainly guaranteed to provoke some interesting conversation. From "demure" to "dangerous" the Leg's Talk stockings provide a handy indicator more...

Monday, May 06, 2013
Cheat Feet Socks

Woodpecker Laboratories is kind of like a cool, former-hippie uncle that gives great advice and provides invaluable tools for maneuvering oneself through life. First they came out with this friendly reminder decal that affixes to the toilet seat (fecal matter, you stay where you belong!) and now they follow up the bathroom companion with an equally helpful accessory for math class. more...

Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Moonglow Rings
$325 from Black Badger »

Moonglow Rings take minimalistic colored and metal bands on a trip through classic sci-fi adventures when the lights go out. Though Black Badger Advanced Composites' glow-in-the-dark finger décor comes from Sweden, not outer space, more...

Monday, January 14, 2013
Ninja Turtles Bra
$40 from Etsy »

Some would say the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are making a comeback. LL Cool J would probably say don't call it a comeback, they've been here for years. Teri Hatcher and John Travolta would warn Leonardo, Michelanglo, Donatello, and more...

Saturday, September 22, 2012
Assassin's Creed Kenway Jacket
$320 from Volante Design »

Maker Volante Design calls this Assassin's Creed fashion statement the Kenway Jacket, and includes a lot of nonsense about how it is available with two closure options to make it either symmetrical or asymmetrical, but really all I care about is whether or not wearing it will convince my mom to tell me the truth about my Grand Master Assassin ancestors, and how she and my dad actually adopted me more...

Sunday, December 30, 2012
Ninja Flip T-Shirt
$16.99 - $20.99 from Amazon »

Carrying around this secret identity won't create an awkward bulge at your waistline, or require you to wear an underlayer of skin-suctioning red and blue Spandex. Crazy Dog T-Shirts' flipover Ninja tee has the masked warrior's face more...

Sunday, April 21, 2013
Haircut Umbrella
$7.98 from Amazon »

Why did the Haircut Umbrella choose for its product model a kid who looks like he has been knocked cross-eyed by the schoolmates who rammed his head through a rain blocker, with its ability to catch flyaway hair clippings during grooming more...

Saturday, November 17, 2012
Animal Hoodies
$9.82 - $23.95 from Amazon »

Ladies, if Griz Coats are too big, too masculine, or too covering of the neck down for you (read: for me), how about one of these minxy little animal hoodies? Most of them even extend along the shoulders into a cozy pair of mittens more...

Friday, May 18, 2012
Iron Man Power Band
$199.99 from ThinkGeek »

Robert Downey Jr. is almost as cool as Tony Stark, and the fact that RDJ is wearing the Iron Man Magtitan New Legend Power Bands while playing Tony Stark in the new Avengers movie, and the Power Bands ThinkGeek is selling are the actual, more...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Friday, January 11, 2013
Kraken Watch
$9,860 from WatchBuys »

Stefan Kudoke calls his masterful Kraken timepiece the KudOktopus, which I guess is acceptably clever. I would have called it the KudoKraken though. Easier to pronounce. Sounds kind of like pseudo-Kraken, which an ornate rosegold and more...

Thursday, April 25, 2013
Radiation Detecting Watch

Wondering what time it is? Wondering if your face is about to melt off? This tactical Swiss quartz watch with an integrated Geiger-Muller tube has your back. A US military gadget supplier designed the timepiece to measure single-dose more...

Thursday, November 01, 2012
Japanese Tongue Exerciser

The most endearing part about the Kuwaete Sukkiri Tongue Exerciser marketing campaign is that it claims the silicone (and grapefruit scented!) apparatus is intended to "help improve your face line and those flabby, sagging cheeks." more...

Tuesday, February 26, 2013
ManHands Soap
$6.95 from Etsy »

When I was in college I worked in food service for 5 years, during which time I smoked a lot of weed and touched a lot of nasty shit. Like I regularly had to stick my hand down garbage disposals clogged with half-eaten pancakes and more...

Saturday, November 24, 2012
Level 1 Human Baby Creeper Romper
Sold Out from Amazon »

It's never too early to indoctrinate your kids into the world of role-playing. Even casual RPG enthusiasts will get a kick out of J!NX's Level 1 Human Baby Creeper Romper for the 2 to 3 weeks it actually fits their ludicrous-speed-growing more...

Sunday, November 25, 2012
Electric Hoodies
$90 from Electric MVMT »

Hammer, your time is over. Your replacement: electroluminescent rope. Henceforth, when I want cessation of all movement for the announcement of a thematic activity in which all are expected to participate, I'll be shouting, Stop. Electroluminescent more...

Friday, September 21, 2012
Ostrich Pillow
$195.50 from Amazon »

If looking like a complete schmo in an Ostrich Pillow means that I can sleep through transcontinental flights and my boss' stories about his Junior Samba Champion grandson, then bring on the gawks and guffaws. I won't see them anyway, more...

Wednesday, January 30, 2013
His & Hers Star Wars Rings
$650 from Etsy »

I like the idea of the Force being with me, but I also like the idea of stuff. With one of these Star Wars rings I will still be able to envision and harness the power of an intangible Force, but, more importantly, I'll be able rub more...

Thursday, April 18, 2013
Temporary Eye Tattoos
$4 from Etsy »

I can't tell if these temporary tattoos are attractive or look like someone taped a doily to your eye, but I think girls will like them, so as a nod to girls, I'm going to award Man Nga Liu's makeup alternatives relatively high marks. more...

Monday, July 16, 2012
Titty Twirlers Pasties
$20 from Etsy »

Here comes the airplane! Titty Twirlers are propellor pasties that put a twist on the traditional showstopping effect we typically expect the wind to have on a lady's (or dude's, per the video) wardrobe. I mean, Marilyn Monroe's parachuting more...

Monday, January 30, 2012
Bulletproof Polo Shirt
$3,475 from Fresh Polos »

If the acute fear of being assassinated on the golf course has kept you from swinging your 9-iron too many times to count, welcome to the start of the rest of your life. Breezy, bulletproof, and cleared for the country club, this polo more...

Sunday, March 17, 2013
Decorated Nerd T-Shirt
$18.95 from SplitReason »

The most highly decorated members of the Nerd Herd sport 10 official, cartoonish-looking, 2D medals representing the pinnacle of their march through contemporary society. A society rife with retro-Nintendo enthusiasm, Star Wars worship, more...

Tuesday, April 02, 2013
Spicebomb Cologne
$61.56 - $82.26 from Amazon »

To me, the idea of smelling like a bomb of anything connotes an unpleasantly strong and cloying odor, and when I think of a bomb of spices all that comes to mind are the scents that permeate my clothes, my hair, my skin, my soul when more...

Sunday, February 10, 2013
Ninja Turtles Beanie
$35 from Etsy »

If given the choice between the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Bra and Miss Pamela's Ninja Turtles beanie, most men would probably choose the beanie for themselves and the bra for all ladies. But not me. I would choose the beanie for more...

Friday, February 01, 2013
Pebble E-Paper Smartphone Watch
$150 from Pebble »

One of the most successful Kickstarter campaigns of all time, the Pebble E-Paper watch for iPhones and Androids is getting closer to large-scale production and sale. The self-proclaimed "infinitely customizable" timepiece has pre-order more...

Saturday, December 01, 2012
The Most Accurate Watch in the World
$199.99 from Watchismo »

While seemingly morbid and in poor taste at first glance, The Accurate--a Mr. Jones Watch--intends to serve as a reminder of our fleeting seconds, minutes, and hours on earth. Its dial and rim are even mirrored so that when you look more...

Friday, November 30, 2012
Harvard Law...Just Kidding Sweatshirt
$43.99 from Skreened »

I've been looking for the perfect Christmas gift to give my crestfallen cousin, who just received his rejection letter from Harvard Law. I hate my cousin. He's an insolent little twat. I was going to anonymously send him some gorilla more...

Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Cyborg Tattoos

I'm afraid online ordering options for the cyborg flesh treatment have yet to make it to Amazon. In fact, should you want an anatomical anomaly tattoo so whiplash-inducingly realistic and infatuating it gets mistaken for professionally more...

Thursday, February 14, 2013
The Like Sitting on Air Stool
$466 from Studio Toer »

Possible Dome Stool Disclaimer: "Toer designed a stool that gives the appearance of sitting on air." Appearance? As in looks like one is sitting on air, not that one experiences the buttock tactile sensation of sitting on air? I don't more...

Tuesday, March 26, 2013
AT-AT Dress

Whenever someone compliments a girl's article of clothing, as in, "That's a nice dress," my friend Kristen always pipes up, "Is it the dress or the girl in the dress?" Touche, Kristen. Typically it is the girl in the dress. Typically more...