Style

Your Girl Hugging Your Crotch Boxer Briefs

$19.59 from Amazon »

Not much to add to these boxer briefs. Oh, except for a picture of your girl - girlfriend, wife, crush, black-hearted ex Karen - strategically placed at the crotchal region so as to look like she's hugging your cock...

I Wash My Hands of The Virus COVID-19 Buttons

$14.95 - $118.95 from Amazon »

I guess these I Wash My Hands of The Virus buttons are the equivalents of I Voted buttons for people who practice responsible COVID-19 prevention practices. Or maybe they'll appeal to the growing frustration with the...

Crapper Concealer - Toilet Stall Shoe Covers

The Crapper Concealer is a set of shoe covers you slip over your feet to maintain anonymity when you use a public toilet stall. And by "use" I mean poop. Shit. Drop a fat deuce. Brown-out destroy. Do things to that poor...

Fireproof, Waterproof, Windproof 100 Year Hoodie

$495 from Vollebak »

Version 3 of Vollebak's 100 Year Hoodie is like the Anti-Captain Planet of outerwear. It repels wind, rain, snow, and now, fire. Earth is still missing though. Maybe they'll build version 4 to emit a force field against...

Fanny DeVito - Danny DeVito Fanny Pack

The Fanny DeVito is a portmanteau of Danny DeVito and a fanny pack in both glorious name and glorious practice. What looks to be a decently made canvas hip pack serves as the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia actor's...

Racist BS Cat Cover-Up Stickers

$1.50 - $8.63 from Cracks Appearing Distro »

It's a cat cover-up! No, not a cover-up orchestrated by cats, say, to hide all that toilet paper they just shredded as you tried to hoard it amidst the coronavirus outbreak. A cover-up in sticker form, one that pairs...

HOKA TenNine Sneakers

$250 from HOKA One One »

Baby. Got. Back. If you'd like some sneakers to help you get rid of a big, saggy ass, I present for your consideration HOKA TenNines. Sneakers that themselves have a big, saggy ass...

18K Gold & Diamond Pave Skull Ring

$2,999 from Etsy »

His name is Rrrico. Rrrico Pave. This sold 18K gold and diamond pave skull ring sees 2.9 carats of ethically sourced South African diamonds embedded flush and showy in a human-style skull made in your choice of hollow...

GloFX Pixel Pro Infinite Portal Goggles

$94.99 from Amazon »

Call me 4-eyes again and I'll suck you into the hell portals that are the outer 2 of them! Nah, I'm just kiddin'. I'm too high to do that right now. Let's just dance like maniacs to the strobing LEDs and pass out once...

EDC Titanium Earpick

$19.90 - $25.49 from Amazon »

An earpick, also known as an ear spoon or ear scoop, is a super sexy tool for ignoring your mama's advice and digging out all that gooey (or dry and flaky) earwax from your ear canals. And, with MecArmy's EDC Titanium...

LastTissue Reusable Tissue Pack

$39 - $89 from LastObject »

LastObject says LastTissue, a reusable tissue pack, and the company's latest sustainable crowdfunding project, is "like if a handkerchief and a tissue pack had a baby." Which is to say, LastTissue is a set of handkerchiefs...

Weenie Beanie

$9.99 from Amazon »

It's a weenie beanie! A peener beaner! A cap coated in cocks 'n' balls!...

Face ID Compatible Respirator Masks

Face ID compatible respirator masks are surgical masks printed with the bottom half of your actual face to facilitate biometric recognition when you're contagious, or in the midst of a viral outbreak. That part is clear...

KFC Crocs

I hate Crocs. And I'm not as much of a KFC fanboy as I am a dedicated patron of Popeyes and my mama's kitchen when she gets out the deep fryer. But I have to give KFC Crocs credit for one gem of a KFC Crocs pitch: "Put...

myONE Perfect Fit Condoms

$8 - $10 from myONE »

If the shoe fits...why shouldn't the condom? myONE Perfect Fit Condoms aren't custom-sized condoms, per se, but with 10 lengths, 9 widths, and 60 total sizes available, taking 15 seconds to line up your ruler like so...

Hublot Big Bang MP-11 Red Magic Watch

$86k from Hublot »

From theory to practice. The new Big Bang MP-11 Red Magic Watch from Hublot is about to blow up in a limited edition of 100 pieces for all you mega rich kids out there who prefer horology to cosmology. With its fiery...

After Sex Towel

$9.99 from Amazon »

This after sex towel considers itself "unique and clever" for taking a plain white terry cloth towel and embroidering the word "Sperm" across it. (Or, if you prefer a little more slang and vulgarity in your terminology...

Mohair Pants

$184.80 - $375.38 from Etsy »

Need some mo' hair down there? Feel all warm 'n' fuzzy on the inside and the out with SuperTanya's hand-knit mohair pants. The mohair knitwear is funky-chic on the eyes and either: a) soft as a pussywillow; or b) itchy...

Daisy Collingridge Squishy Human Flesh Costumes

Daisy Collingridge's squishy human flesh costumes Sure. Are. Something. A whimsical wonder to behold. And most definitely a new - and, honestly, equally delightful - way for me to think of the term bouncy, bouncy...

Softies Ultra Soft Snuggle Lounger

$94 from Amazon »

Is it the Softies Snuggle Lounger that makes me want to cuddle up and bury my hands and face in that seat of buttery velvet, or is it the girl in the Softies Snuggle Lounger? It's both, dudes. It is absolutely both. And...

The Lollipop Wipe - Chocolate-Flavored Crotch Cleaner

$14.99 from Amazon »

It tastes like dark chocolate and it's latex-compatible, ladies and gentlemen. Lollipop Wipes are individually wrapped pieces of black rayon paper infused with an edible - and dark-chocolate-flavored! - water-based cream...

SZQHT Wide Jaw Nail Clippers

$9.97 - $12.72 from Amazon »

Ready for a little DIY, at-home snip, snip? This time for your fingernails and toenails, rather than your vas deferens*. SZQHT levels up your cheap and crusty nail clippers with their line of ergonomic, wide jaw trimmers...

CVS Receipt Scarf

$19.95 from Amazon »

Thanks for shopping at CVS! Here's your 6'-long receipt for the pack of condoms you bought for you 6"-long penis. Yep, our receipts are long and strong, here to make you feel inadequate and environmentally unfriendly...

Bob Ross Bandages

$9.39 from Amazon »

Of all the pieces of Bob Ross merch out there, Bob Ross Bandages are one of the few that actually make sense. They're right up there with the Bob Ross Chia Pet because, as the boo-boo covers state with pride: in injuries...