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Ostrich Pillow Light

$37.76 - $45 from Amazon »

Order of Business the First: Get an Ostrich Pillow Light. Order of Business the Second: Steal that dude's blue plaid shirt and sweet ass mustache. Order of Business the Third: Crown self King of both Cool and Chill. Order...

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Spray the Bi*ch Away Aromatherapy Perfume

$23.50 from Amazon »

Dude. When I saw the name "Spray the Bitch Away" for this bottle of aromatherapy perfume I thought it was for men with mean wives and girlfriends, or crazy exes. I thought it would be the perfect Anti-Valentine's Day...

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Spiky Slap Bracelet Sensory Toys

$8.99 from Amazon »

Whoa, flashback, flash forward, and sensory overload. These Spiky Slap Bracelet sensory toys are kind of a trip, fusing the neon slap bracelet with the studded punk dog collar aesthetic from the 1980s to support today's...

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Legend of Zelda Proposal Chest

$180 from Etsy »

Hello, Link cosplayers, geeky romantics, and dudes interested in easing the reality of what a certain question means with a clever, creative, 8-bit way of popping it. Candace Phillips, through her shop AFK for Cosplay...

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Pelican Sport Wallet

$16.74 from Amazon »

Ladies, the Pelican Sport Wallet makes the perfect gift for the man who climbs rocks, paddles rivers, and bikes backroads. The man you like to get adventurous with. Or the man you like to send off to get adventurous on...

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Go F Yourself Condom Card

$9.99 - $12.99 from FunnyCondoms.com »

I can think of many people to whom I'd like to send a Go F Yourself card (complete with packaged condom for carrying out the act!) but one dude stands out like a glowing beacon bobbing amidst the sea of the rest. How...

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Le Loup Multi-Tool

$15.21 - $45.62 from N-Product »

Here's why I'm showing you yet another multi-tool: because one look at the Le Loup Multi-Tool reminds me that winter...is here. Which! Means that summer...is coming. And in 2017, summer brings the premiere of Game of...

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The Ridge Slim Front Pocket Wallets

$45 - $105 from The Ridge »

Don't let overstuffed, bulging bi-folds infiltrate your pockets! Fight the Costanza Effect! Get on the Ridge! The Ridge slim front pocket wallets highlight 2 EDC must-haves, simplicity and compactness, across a line of...

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Aromatherapy Essential Oil Diffuser Necklaces

$14.99 - $15.99 from Amazon »

Here's a cheap thoughtful gift for your lady Valentine. Aromatherapy Essential Oil Diffuser Necklaces have floral filigree designs crafted as lockets in the symbols of love (heart), wisdom (owl), we're breaking up (teardrop)...

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QuickShoeLace One-Handed Laces

$15 from QuickShoeLace »

Look, Ma! One hand! The QuickShoeLace one-handed lacing system brings convenience to adults, and an alternative to Velcro straps that will inevitably get gunked up with dust and food and boogers to kids who can't tie...

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NiteSpecs LED Reading Glasses

$19.95 from Amazon »

Would you rather look like a big ol' nerd or read like a blind ol' bat? Choose the former and NiteSpecs will slide on over the helices of your ears to give your eyes both the magnification and the illumination they need...

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The Traxedo - Tuxedo Track Suits

$23.58 - $89.99 from Amazon »

Ahhh, Traxedo. The perfect response to the next time my girlfriend tells me to put on some nice clothes and take her to the (obscenely overpriced) wine & tapas bar. Ahhh, Traxedo. The polyester penguin suit that will...

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Morse Code Bracelets

$26 - $56 from Etsy »

Morse Code bracelets from Tim Art Creations are stylish and thoughtful ways to say I Love You this Valentine's Day without being too schmoopy, or going broke. Go for the 3 little words themselves, or have Tim stamp on...

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Verve No-More-Canker-Sore Toothpaste

$7.99 from Amazon »

Canker sores. Ulcers in the mouth that hurt like a mother and stick around like a mother-in-law. I used to get those bastards, like, once a month before I read about Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, SLS-free toothpaste, and Verve....

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MATRIX PowerWatch - Powered by Body Heat

$129 - $159 from MATRIX »

Three things come to mind when I see MATRIX's forthcoming PowerWatch: 1) The movie The Matrix; 2) The word "manpower," and 3) The saying, "If you want something done right, you better do it yourself." The MATRIX PowerWatch...

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Quip Electric Toothbrush & Brushing Program

$40 - $150 from Quip »

Quip doesn't think you're incapable of healthy and safe oral hygiene practices, they just think the way you're currently doing it is all wrong. And completely jacking up your teeth and gums. They'd like to help. Teach...

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MeatSweats Relaxation Pants

MeatSweats want to help you kick back, relax, and show the world how proud you are of the 32-ounce porterhouse you demolished all by yourself. Their 100% polyester construction would also be happy to wick away the dew...

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Sixth Finger Ring

Whooooo wants a FINGERring? Come on, ladies, don't be shy. If you've ever felt like something was missing from your life, here's the perfect opportunity to find out whether or not that something is a 6th finger....

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Bacon Lanyard

$8.95 from Amazon »

How is it that I haven't seen every dude in my office walking around with their ID tag hanging off a bacon lanyard yet? This strip of polyester cured pork fat will make every mouth in the meeting water, and I'd probably...

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Spinning F Pin

$7.99 from Ball & Chain Co. »

When indecision strikes or words fail you, let fate decide the most appropriate way to F the situation. This enamel pin secures to your lapel where it will always be within finger's reach and ready to spin-a-fuck the...

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OYOBox Mini Sunglasses Case

$135 - $195 from Amazon »

OYOBox sees your future. It's bright. So bright you gotta wear four pairs of shades. Or at least have four on hand, stored neatly in a carbon fiber sunglasses case, to swap out according to the day's clothing choices...

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Escape & Evasion Gun Belt

$79 from Amazon »

From forth the shark's belly comes a belt for your own. And while the Escape & Evasion Gun Belt didn't make it out of the Tank alive its creator, former CIA officer Jason Hanson, is still hoping you'll give the strip...

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Schmitz Mittz Super Duty UtilityArmor Gloves

Sold Out from Amazon »

Schmitz Mittz calls their gloves "hard hats for your hands." These Super Duty versions of their UtilityArmor Waterproof line add abrasion-resistant Kevlar fourchettes* as reinforcement between the fingers (the standard...

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FEBO - Draw with the Sun

$44 - $97 from FEBO »

FEBO is your paintbrush, the sun is your watercolor. Your acrylic. Your oil. Well, no. Really still just a big ball of fire, but now your big ball of fire. The clever FEBO design magnifies and focuses the sun's rays such...

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myLAB Box - At-Home STD Test Kits

$79 - $285 from Amazon »

As the holiday season comes to an end, myLAB Box would like to invite you to explore just how merry yours was. Did Santa "slip" you any extra "gifts" this year? Did you enjoy one too many ho, ho, hos? The myLAB Box STD...

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Wearable Diaper Bags for Dads

$89 - $99 from DadGear »

A wearable diaper bag for dads may not sound like it wants to be less humiliating than the Daddle dad saddle for all you new papas out there, but I promise you subtlety is DadGear's primary focus with their baby-ready...

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FNDN Heated Scarf

$129.95 from Amazon »

I think the day after New Year's should be summer. But since that never seems to happen, I guess being able to stay warm with the FNDN heated scarf until then is an OK consolation. Developed in Detroit, the FNDN ("foun-dey-shuh...

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Otter Wax Water-Repellent Fabric Wax

$13.95 from Amazon »

Wax on, water off. Otter Wax is a canvas wax handmade (and continuously tested) in soggy Portland, OR to repel water from shoes, bags, packs, hats, and jackets. The compound incorporates only natural drip-and-dew-eschewing...

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Bushbalm Pubic Hair Oils

$21 from Bushbalm »

Bushbalm is for us men who have spent one too many joyless nights this holiday season sitting around "just talking" and listening to Christmas music with our wives, girlfriends, and online dates, only to realize that...

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Primal Pit Paste Natural Deodorant

$9.85 - $11.85 from Amazon »

Ready for an all natural, chemical-free, paleo-approved armpit rubdown? Primal Pit Paste, in addition to sounding formidable and manly, is a deodorant made with only real, organic ingredients, such as coconut oil, baking...

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Titanium Embrite Glow Fob

$37.96 from Amazon »

The bad news is that this titanium glow-in-the-dark fob is not fitted with a vial of tritium, and therefore does not glow without help, shine brighter the darker it gets, and have a half-life of 12.3 years. The hand-made...

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The Godfather Safety Razor

$36.97 from Amazon »

Treat the Godfather right and he'll lend you a hefty, solid brass and bronze hand, and give you smooth, manly shave with his raw, platinum-coated super blades. Treat the Godfather wrong and...he'll cut you....

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Self-Balancing Spinning Top Keychain

$19.97 from Amazon »

Tiny top, big spin. This stainless steel precision spinner is about half the size of your standard key, so it won't overwhelm your keychain or make it look like you have a side boner if you stuff it in your pocket, and...

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Groomarang Beard Styling & Shaping Template

$7.44 from Amazon »

The Groomarang always returns...to the basics of good shaving and haircare practices. Tangle-free beards and mustaches. Crisp shaves. Clean neck lines. The curved comb serves as a shaving / clipping template for precise...

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Philips Norelco Vaccuum Beard Trimmer

$59.97 from Amazon »

If you don't enjoy cleaning your clippings out of the bathroom sink...and counter, and floor, and crevices behind the toilet, the Philips Norelco Beard Trimmer 7200 gives you an alternative: vacuum them directly off your...

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Matador Waterproof Packable Backpack

$109 from Amazon »

Matador is known for their ability to make big stuff little, and stuff it into even littler stuff. The Pocket Blanket. The Droplet Wet Bag. And, here, the FreeRain24 Waterproof Packable Backpack....

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Megamouth Tool Bag with Integrated Speaker

$79.05 from Amazon »

If you like a little EDM or NPR paired with the sounds of your power drill and hand saw, Custom Leathercraft Tech Gear's stereo speaker tool bag has both your gear and your ears covered. The 18" carrier features a Megamouth...

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Tanda Zap Acne Clearing Device

$12.90 from Amazon »

Merry Christmas, fix your face. Heh. I think giving someone the "gift" of a Tanda Zap acne clearer is kind of like giving them a treadmill or some Beachbody workout DVDs. More of a gift for you than for them. But. It...

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Memory Foam Wallet

$29.99 from Amazon »

A Memory Foam Wallet. Huh. I guess that's a little more practical than my Memory Foam Pants solution for ass and inguinal region padding while carrying my cash and cards. I can't say this is the best looking wallet I've...

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DU/ER Performance Denim & No Sweat Pants

$120 - $129 from dish & DU/ER »

dish & DU/ER sent me a review pair of their N2X No Sweat Pants, and here's how I tested them out: I wore them to Thanksgiving dinner. Three plates and two pieces of apple pie...a la mode...later, I still didn't feel the...

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Dope on a Rope Soap

$5.99 - $12.99 from Amazon »

Dope on a Rope says, "Don't smoke it, SOAK it!" But probably if you buy one of their hemp oil soaps carved into the shape of a cannabis leaf, it means you're as much a fan of the former as the company hopes you'll become...

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Eletrunks "Lifter" Underwear

$28 from Eletrunks »

Though the above video is slightly NSFW, Eletrunks are not a dirty or obscene pair of underwear. At all. The company's demo of their functional, comfort-enhancing, package-adjusting Lifter cord just makes it look like...

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YO Sperm Tester for Smartphones

$49.95 from YO »

They've had smartphone attachments that tell you whether or not you're sober enough to drive for years now, so it's only logical YO is coming out with one to tell you whether or not you're fertile enough to make babies....

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T.HANKS Thank You Card

$4.50 from Etsy »

'Tis the season of giving, and the season of gratitude. A time to hide presents under the tree, and a time to say thank you for those with your name on them. Or, if you're a cool kid like Allen Bauer, Josh Baskin, Det....

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Self-Installing Car Seat

$499.99 from Amazon »

The 4moms self-installing car seat may not be the most sparkly, fun, or pampering gift for new moms to unwrap this holiday season, but it could prove to be the greatest they've ever received. Paired with its watchdog...

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Henry Cavendish Himalaya Shaving Soap

$13.47 from Amazon »

This Henry Cavendish Himalaya Shaving Soap prides itself on being made in America, with only real ingredients you can pronounce! It's also big and rich on the lather, and lube-a-licious on the razor for a cushioned and...

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Star Wars Wearable Sleeping Bags

$109 from Amazon »

Snuggle up with Darth Vader, take a toasty winter hike with a stormtrooper, or get a proper Wookiee snooze with Selk'bags' latest wearable sleeping bag release: the Star Wars line. Yep, like the company's Marvel Superhero...

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CoolKnot No-Tie Shoelaces

$11.97 from Amazon »

CoolKnots are for the kids, the elderly, the disabled, the athletes, and the lazy amongst us. So basically everyone on earth who wears shoelaces and can't learn how, bend over, or take the time to tie them. Or, for the...